for Help of a Seer7/1/2013 c26 thebetawholived
Wow! It's been a great story!
I would kind-of call it a 'super-Luna' story, which is a refreshing departure from the many 'super-Harry' stories that I've read.
Wow! It's been a great story!
I would kind-of call it a 'super-Luna' story, which is a refreshing departure from the many 'super-Harry' stories that I've read.
6/20/2013 c2 lipasnape
This is a most original story. I am reading it again. I remember what I read, but not what is to come.
This is a most original story. I am reading it again. I remember what I read, but not what is to come.
6/4/2013 c26 
6Naruto-junky
I really enjoyed this story. It was unique in the fact that it was a Luna and Harry story and the use of Luna's gift. I appreicated the fact that when you referenced something like the non-magical weapons you gave the source that you used. What really irked me though, was it seemed too easy. Yes there were trials and hard times, but there was very little inner conflict. The Slytherins had almost no problem following 'Loony' and Snape had very little problem as well. The non-magical adults (outside Mum and Dad Granger) had no problem with minors being a major part of the planning! While most of these people have been saved by Luna and so would follow a long better I still feel that it would have been more conflict about a little slip of a girl bossing around a war and, in some parts, their personal life. Having those kind of moments would have brought another level to the story.
Naruto-junky (Constructive Criticism Guild)
6Naruto-junkyI really enjoyed this story. It was unique in the fact that it was a Luna and Harry story and the use of Luna's gift. I appreicated the fact that when you referenced something like the non-magical weapons you gave the source that you used. What really irked me though, was it seemed too easy. Yes there were trials and hard times, but there was very little inner conflict. The Slytherins had almost no problem following 'Loony' and Snape had very little problem as well. The non-magical adults (outside Mum and Dad Granger) had no problem with minors being a major part of the planning! While most of these people have been saved by Luna and so would follow a long better I still feel that it would have been more conflict about a little slip of a girl bossing around a war and, in some parts, their personal life. Having those kind of moments would have brought another level to the story.
Naruto-junky (Constructive Criticism Guild)
5/25/2013 c9 kyoshi711
The story makes sense but the characters don't match as well. Harry doesn't seem to be anything like cannon Harry Potter and Luna is the seer who acts way to mature to be anything like Luna. It's like you wrote a story and then added Harry and Luna to carry the story. Good try though.
The story makes sense but the characters don't match as well. Harry doesn't seem to be anything like cannon Harry Potter and Luna is the seer who acts way to mature to be anything like Luna. It's like you wrote a story and then added Harry and Luna to carry the story. Good try though.
5/3/2013 c25 Guest
Good plot initially, but then we were treated to too much of Evan Granger. Most of the story revolved about him stealing the leadership, treating the clan like 10 year old kids and being to nosy about love and sex lives he had no right on!
Good plot initially, but then we were treated to too much of Evan Granger. Most of the story revolved about him stealing the leadership, treating the clan like 10 year old kids and being to nosy about love and sex lives he had no right on!
5/5/2013 c26 Twilight0Wanderer
Ok, I've gone back and forth about whether to even review this, but I've decided that I need to get this off my chest. This story made me doubt your abilities as a writer. I understand that it's fanfiction, and I don't think I'm holding you to an unrealistic standard, but having read some of your other stories (Heart's Home, When Is It A Contract, and Harry's Un-Birthday Gift) and this is the first I had any real problems with. It has good, consistent characterization and development, almost universally, the concept is interesting and, I think, well executed, and you manage to avoid writing complete Sues. The military stuff could have been handled better, but I tend to expect that from most writers (although next time you write a military section, run it by some of the Caer Azkaban group first, because I can think of half-a-dozen things off the top of my head that the British military could have done in this). All that is fairly small, and I really wanted to like this fic, except for two big things.
First, Dumbledore. I get that you don't like him, but if he's going to be a main antagonist, characterize him! Your Dumbledore had no development and no motivation beyond "The Greater Good" (which is not a motivation, it's an EXCUSE!). He spends most of the story as a whipping boy, constantly a day late and a dollar short, with no real explanation as to why he's failing so bad. You don't have to make him sympathetic, just expand on who he is and why he does what he does. This is basically a textbook case of character-bashing, and it forms a jarring contrast with the development experienced by the rest of the main cast.
Even that is fairly minor. This next is the biggest problem I have with the story and the strangest to me considering some of your other work. Hannah's Rape. Okay, what the hell! After Heart's Home, I expected you to treat this issue with the seriousness it deserves. Instead, it's a throwaway scene, with some very vague references to its consequences later in the story. THIS IS NOT GOOD STORYTELLING! This is half-assed, phoning it in, War Is Hell Rape As Drama. And then you go one step further and make her pregnant. Seriously, What The Fuck? (On a tangent, ignoring all the ridiculous improbabilities and pointless magical hand-waving regarding her impregnation, there was no indication in the story that the rapist ever ejaculated in her, which according to high school biology makes conception IMPOSSIBLE) This could have made for an incredibly powerful storyline as Hannah struggles with the psychological aftermath of this assault, as well as the lingering consequences, and exploring how and why she chooses to keep the child. But no, as I said before, Hannah basically disappeared except for a couple face-in-the-crowd moments and a blurb in the epilogue. All I can guess is that you intended to expand on this storyline, but either forgot or decided not to. This kind of dangling plot thread is fairly common, especially in fanfiction, and normally it just shows some laziness on the author's part, perfectly understandable in a medium where most participants are amateur hobbyists. However, with a subject as important and charged as rape, you don't get the same leeway, ESPECIALLY when you add in rape-based pregnancy and abortion debate. With these issues, either go all the way and address them fully and completely, or avoid them entirely, there is no valid middle ground.
I don't mean to offend you, but I really felt the need to say all this.
Cheers,
TW
Ok, I've gone back and forth about whether to even review this, but I've decided that I need to get this off my chest. This story made me doubt your abilities as a writer. I understand that it's fanfiction, and I don't think I'm holding you to an unrealistic standard, but having read some of your other stories (Heart's Home, When Is It A Contract, and Harry's Un-Birthday Gift) and this is the first I had any real problems with. It has good, consistent characterization and development, almost universally, the concept is interesting and, I think, well executed, and you manage to avoid writing complete Sues. The military stuff could have been handled better, but I tend to expect that from most writers (although next time you write a military section, run it by some of the Caer Azkaban group first, because I can think of half-a-dozen things off the top of my head that the British military could have done in this). All that is fairly small, and I really wanted to like this fic, except for two big things.
First, Dumbledore. I get that you don't like him, but if he's going to be a main antagonist, characterize him! Your Dumbledore had no development and no motivation beyond "The Greater Good" (which is not a motivation, it's an EXCUSE!). He spends most of the story as a whipping boy, constantly a day late and a dollar short, with no real explanation as to why he's failing so bad. You don't have to make him sympathetic, just expand on who he is and why he does what he does. This is basically a textbook case of character-bashing, and it forms a jarring contrast with the development experienced by the rest of the main cast.
Even that is fairly minor. This next is the biggest problem I have with the story and the strangest to me considering some of your other work. Hannah's Rape. Okay, what the hell! After Heart's Home, I expected you to treat this issue with the seriousness it deserves. Instead, it's a throwaway scene, with some very vague references to its consequences later in the story. THIS IS NOT GOOD STORYTELLING! This is half-assed, phoning it in, War Is Hell Rape As Drama. And then you go one step further and make her pregnant. Seriously, What The Fuck? (On a tangent, ignoring all the ridiculous improbabilities and pointless magical hand-waving regarding her impregnation, there was no indication in the story that the rapist ever ejaculated in her, which according to high school biology makes conception IMPOSSIBLE) This could have made for an incredibly powerful storyline as Hannah struggles with the psychological aftermath of this assault, as well as the lingering consequences, and exploring how and why she chooses to keep the child. But no, as I said before, Hannah basically disappeared except for a couple face-in-the-crowd moments and a blurb in the epilogue. All I can guess is that you intended to expand on this storyline, but either forgot or decided not to. This kind of dangling plot thread is fairly common, especially in fanfiction, and normally it just shows some laziness on the author's part, perfectly understandable in a medium where most participants are amateur hobbyists. However, with a subject as important and charged as rape, you don't get the same leeway, ESPECIALLY when you add in rape-based pregnancy and abortion debate. With these issues, either go all the way and address them fully and completely, or avoid them entirely, there is no valid middle ground.
I don't mean to offend you, but I really felt the need to say all this.
Cheers,
TW
4/29/2013 c25 Ferris
Harry's ire really isn't healthy for those it is inflicted upon it seems. That was so cold, and fitting, it wasn't even funny. Well done.
Harry's ire really isn't healthy for those it is inflicted upon it seems. That was so cold, and fitting, it wasn't even funny. Well done.
4/26/2013 c26 Laura
I loved your story, well done
I loved your story, well done
4/28/2013 c19 FreelanceBum
I can think of only one fic where Susan ends up marrying someone without Hannah being married to the same person, or a consort. Well, unless Susan and Hannah end up together. That is just weird.
I can think of only one fic where Susan ends up marrying someone without Hannah being married to the same person, or a consort. Well, unless Susan and Hannah end up together. That is just weird.
4/27/2013 c2 FreelanceBum
I'm liking the way your seer works. A lot have it do nothing or everything.
I'm liking the way your seer works. A lot have it do nothing or everything.
3/30/2013 c26 26Acaykath
Very good story. I like how it shows that despite Luna's abilities, things can still go wrong. Very few people understand that knowing the future does not necessarily mean that you can stop every bad thing.
I think that Neville is the correct choice for heir if Draco is dead and it cannot be willed away. If you base it on senior lines males of closest proximity to the former head. Sirius had no descendants. His siblings were all dead, and his father's eldest sibling was Augusta, making her line the senior line with Harry's grandmother being the second most senior line. Unless Burke of Borgin and Burke's shop in Knockturn Alley is still alive.
26AcaykathVery good story. I like how it shows that despite Luna's abilities, things can still go wrong. Very few people understand that knowing the future does not necessarily mean that you can stop every bad thing.
I think that Neville is the correct choice for heir if Draco is dead and it cannot be willed away. If you base it on senior lines males of closest proximity to the former head. Sirius had no descendants. His siblings were all dead, and his father's eldest sibling was Augusta, making her line the senior line with Harry's grandmother being the second most senior line. Unless Burke of Borgin and Burke's shop in Knockturn Alley is still alive.