Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Saving You

11/26/2011 c2 666blackcat666
awesome ! soo cant wait for more !

just an idea you should have a part where jack is getting hit from his father and he has the monkey staff then the four element dragons come and get it and see what happends to jack same with chase, he is also there
11/25/2011 c2 4Ms Briar
1: Good Evil parents- These are parents that help wou rob the monks shen gong wu vault and egg Chases house and give Ria a swirly and then give you the perfect place to hide froom the wrath of you enemies. Good Evil parents accept their child for who they are always and forever.

2: You updated! Squeeeeeee! I hope Chase sees the burns on Jack amd kills his beloveds Bad Evil parents. This was a long review so you should count this as the five you need

3: HAPPY DAY AFTER SHANKSGIVING!
11/25/2011 c2 3thablueGRRL
with Jack's luck he'll probably be late. I'm already shuddering at what his father's going to do next. Keep up the great work!
11/25/2011 c2 CalatraKnox
really good story. i tried knocking my alarm clock off my table and i started beeping louder, the stupid thing. Cant wait to see what chases view on jack is.
11/25/2011 c1 666blackcat666
AWWW POOOR JACK ! I WANT TO READ MORE.
11/24/2011 c1 darkshadowarchfiend
Poor Jack! T_T
11/20/2011 c1 4Ms Briar
awwww Evei evil evil evil evil evil evil parents and not the fun evil
11/17/2011 c1 14BlazeThunder
The story is very good and coming along i hope you submit another few chapters soon.
11/17/2011 c1 1Darkerose
Wow... This story is amazing so far

A little dark but it's all good :)

Can't wate for more! Plz update soon
11/16/2011 c1 3thablueGRRL
its interesting so far, I'll stick around to see if i like it.
11/15/2011 c1 fluffyinmypocket
Interesting story thus far. I would like to see more from you, but I do have a few suggestions, though.

First, try and give more background on situations. Why do his parents reject the notion of him being gay so much? Does this affect anything else in his life, such as showdowns or how he is viewing people now?

Second, build up to the violence. Hitting people and beating out of nowhere makes the story kind of disjointed. Start out with conversation, build to an argument, then an act of violence. Not full out beating to begin with because situations escalate, they don't just pop up out of thin air.

And third, think about getting a beta. Betas are great because not only do they check for grammar and spelling mistakes, they also look for ways to improve the flow and readability of the story. I use one every time I write and I love my beta. There is a link on this site of betas for each community who would probably be glad to help you out.

I hope that this helps you and that you continue to write. I'm waiting for the next chapter! :)
101 « Prev Page 1 .. 4 5 6 7

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service