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for Angel & Samurai: A Love Story

9/14/2018 c10 andjelija.nenic
Update more chapters about this story,because it's the best,extra and the great story that I was reading about it,and I am also starting to love and to like reading to this story. So can you please write more chapters,because I want to know what happens in the next chapters about it. THANKS SO MUCH FOR WRITTEN TO THIS STORY,thanks so much about it.&&&£££%%%$$$
1/25/2018 c11 andjelija.nenic
Update more chapters about this story,because it's the best,extra and the great story that I was reading about it,and I am also starting to love and to like reading to this story. So can you please write more chapters,because I want to know what happens in the next chapters about it. THANKS SO MUCH FOR WRITTEN TO THIS STORY,thanks so much about it.&&&£££%%%$$$
9/29/2014 c17 1FireHeavenProductions27
Cute Sis :)! Nice to combined the versus ,nice little story , and dammit Ryunosuke
8/23/2014 c15 Drag0nshr1ne
This story is so cute! Keep on writing!
6/20/2014 c15 FireHeavenProductions27
:)! Thanx for updating Imouto Chan sooo Adorable loved it :D
10/7/2013 c14 18GoseiGokaiYellow
It's ok. We understand! :) Update when you can neesan!
3/2/2013 c8 minh thanh
123456
2/4/2013 c13 AlataXKotoha
I luuuuv it! Ph hey can u make chiaka inlove with er to so there will be Alata VS Chiaka please!

PS PLEASE CONTINUE THE STORY :)
1/16/2012 c13 1FireandHeavenProductions27
Awesome Comeback Hun ! Genta's way of finding out was perfect , sounded by the comedy we all love and then winying to Takeru was funnY! * if if Alata and Kotoha were going on a double date why no mention of Takeru and Mako's outfits ? quite funny how u nearlly had em on a battle date when they was just duoed i our Collab :D !

Awesome Work Hun :D!
12/28/2011 c1 Artful Lodger
I think this was very sweet. Alata/Kotoha isn't a combination I would have thought of before, but I like the way it comes across.

Just a few things I think you could improve on:

I agree with kanna-chan94 about the Japanese. You don't always use it correctly, and when someone has to keep looking up words, it's distracting and might put them off reading your story. Rather than writing things out in Japanese and giving the definitions at the end, why not just use English? We all know these characters are Japanese. It's fine to keep titles from the show (Tono-sama, Alata-san, etc.) since they're hard to translate. There are enough Japanese names and words in canon that your story will still feel like Shinkenger.

Action tags only work if you're writing in script format. Instead of something like this:

"*nodshead* Alright," said a sadden Kotoha.

you could try:

"Alright," said a saddened Kotoha, and nodded her head.

Your characterisation is a little shaky too. Kotoha is probably the most devoted of Takeru's vassals - she'd be the first to decide she must stop seeing Alata because of her duty to Takeru, no matter how upset it made her. Maybe something to think about for a future story? However, your work has potential, and if you keep writing you should improve over time.

A beta reader might be able to help you - they would pick up any spelling/formatting mistakes and check over the story for anything that doesn't seem quite right. Why not ask a friend or check the Beta Readers section of the site?
12/21/2011 c10 18GoseiGokaiYellow
Cute! Update soon please?
12/11/2011 c1 GoseiGokaiYellow
Cute! Update soon please.
12/5/2011 c9 15Little Goose Girl
Hi! Sorry I haven't reviewed lately, I'm a bit of a slacker. I've been reading each chapter as it has come out, though! This is a very sweet, amazing story. You're doing very well with it :-) And I love that you're using Japanese in it-as well as giving your story it's own unique style, it's also a throwback to the show where they often use English phrases :-) Can't wait to read more!
12/4/2011 c1 kalle
I have to agree with the below reviewer - Alata/Kotoha sounds like a cute idea, and I would totally support it! But the excessive use of untranslated Japanese made it hard to really enjoy the story. :(
11/23/2011 c2 11cardcaptor-kanna
Hm...I'm a Chiaki/Kotoha fan myself, but in terms of crack pairings, I LOVE Alata/Kotoha! Just a couple things:

1. This story seems kind of formulaic-ish. Boy meets girl, become friends, girl forgets guy...see where I'm going with this?

2. One of my pet peeves is when people type romaji into their stories...it just doesn't work. If you're going to use the English language, use it. I only use simple romaji terms in my stories like 'nee-chan' and '-chan' and '-san' and 'tono-sama.' When characters talk in Japanese, I just use a language key to symbolize that.

3. The Japanese word for fire is 'Hi.' It's pronounced like the word 'he' is in English. It's not 'ka.' Whatever translator you're using, it's not working.

4. If you insist upon using romaji, get it right! There are several mistakes in your romaji! For one, there is no double o in Japanese! If you need help with any others, just send me a PM.

Constructive criticism...I don't mean to be offensive...
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