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for Finally After All This Time

10/22/2016 c10 25Discreet Kitty
I love it. Great story.
3/30/2016 c1 2AngelsHalo5713
Are they siblings in this? If that is the case then that is kinda disgusting!
8/1/2013 c3 Jalex4Ever
You have some good ideas, so I hope you'd continue this. :)
5/17/2013 c8 4HarryHermioneEdwardBella
nice chapter
5/17/2013 c1 HarryHermioneEdwardBella
nice start
4/5/2013 c1 2ThroughThoseBlueEyes
-le heavy breath in- Okay so you want the mushy review or honest.
Mushy review- It's cute and romantic. (That's all I can really say)
Honest- It has a good thing going but you need to separate what they are saying from what they are doing and ideas they are thinking, unless it's pass tense and the character is just summarizing what another did. Also the grammar was a bit sloppy, words were skipped, things were repeated, and everything happened so quickly like you just wanted to get it out of the way (which I understand there's thing you wanna get to because they're fantastic ideas and such and such) and didn't have the time to go back and edit and or had done it over the course of multiple days and forgot what had happened. The character's are a bit off but that tends to happen, people say (not necessarily you but in general) 'No mine is following perfectly to the character and the story of it all'
I'll be the first to admit that I tend to manipulate my characters and form them around the main character[s] and there's nothing wrong with that you just have to be careful.
I'm not saying it's bad I'm saying it could be better and more thought out.
P.S. Not bad for a first fanfic. :)
3/8/2013 c2 Jalex4Ever
I notice that there are a lot of run off sentences and no paragraphs. Um... you have a great idea ,but it could use a little more work.
3/7/2013 c1 Jalex4Ever
Nice start
12/31/2012 c1 TheRhythmOfLove
I could tell what you were going for with your writing style and I really like it!
11/30/2012 c10 1Eugenia32
Good story its great! (:
11/25/2012 c10 disneychannelstories
Love it! This is such a creative story you wrote! You are a really good writer! :)
11/1/2012 c1 Jalex shipper
Ok, so many things wrong.

First, Justin and Alex are brother and sister. That makes this incest. I'm not saying it's bad that it's incest, I like Jalex and read some other brother/sister fics in other fandoms, but remember that. They're siblings, this is incest; they're not classmates or whatever.

And like a very vast majority of brothers and sisters around the world-incest aside-they butt heads. Jalex is no exception and if you watched WoWP, you'd know that. Yes, there's words said in passing and implictations-they back up the incest-but the fact remains they're siblings first. Remember that.

Now, that aside, let's move onto dialogue. You want to put spoken words within quotation marks.

"Justin," Alex started, hesitating. "I have to tell you."

Like that.
7/15/2012 c1 Wow bad grammar
7/4/2012 c9 2Ameha Kay
Sweet and cute

Good chapter
5/2/2012 c1 34CleverforClever
Hey, Clever here. First things first: the good stuff.

It's fluffy, really really fluffy.

I appreciate the fact taht you looked up some of the spells they use and I do enjoy how cuddly you make htem.

Now, the bad. Keep in mind, this is just your first fiction. Still, this is going to take awhile...

1) Eye strain. You've hear it before, but let me explain. The reason that Paragraphs exist is not just to separate thoughts. It also gives you brain a rest. No blank space, no rest. It's important.

2) Punctuation is ALSO important. In Part Two, you ignore commas, paragraphs and quotation marks. Although this may be your style, keep in mind how much more difficult it would be to read without them.

In this sentence I will not use commas or punctuation beacause I think at some point you will likely say I don't get it but then I will reply that you should.


3) The fluff. Alex and Justin are both acting much nicer to each other than on the show. Although you're saying that 'Finally After All This Time' they are nice to one another, it makes me wonder whether or not they are the same people.

Alex doesn't mock Justin's sentimentallity? Justin does isn't acting like a know-it-all? Who are these people.

I'm not trying to be harsh here. I'll keep reading, and I certainly want to see what you'll be doing in the future. Still, it would benefit your story if you were to introduce the stress. Talk about their backstory a bit. Alex loved him in "You Can't Always Get What You Carpet." How exactly did she feel? How long has it been? etc

If you have questions, just I.M. me.
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