for Light and Love: Spring of Dreams3/7/2013 c18 
2Basic Blitz
KIYA IS WHAT NOW?! *throws pillow against wall* LIES I SAY! KIYA IS TOO AWESOME TO LOSE HER SIGHT.
World! Give Kiya back her vision. That's rude. T-T
...Kiya better get back her vision or I'm going to...um...throw more pillows...AT KITTENS! *holds pillow in front of kitten* Don't make me do it, Zel! It doesn't have to be this way. Just do what I say and Mr. Fluffles can walk away from this pillow-free o-o
SO this story made my week! :D Especially the dedication to my Auntie Kat in the the very beginning. *sniff* So nice of you. ;-; Auntie Kat smiles upon you from Heaven. :)
Wait. Wait. Wait...I contain an Item of Light? ...*grasps chest* Hecate will never get my item! He will have to fight me and my NEW AWESOME SWORD! (Thank you, Lina. ZEL YOU MADE AN APPEARANCE! *hugs*) He won't be grabbing my che- *realizes how wrong that sounds* If he comes within 30 feet of me I'm carving out his eyes. Perv. -_-
Okay, so since I'm so tired right now, we're getting straight to critiquing...
Firstly, I'd like to start out with the suspense element in your story. You seem to give away a lot in the middle, making some events predictable for the future. Example: "Yes, Hecate would take this truce for his advantage. He would kill Sonic, just not now. No, he was going to wait until he reached the peek (That should be 'peak') of power, and fighting now would just impede his search for the items."
...You just spoiled his master plan. He's going to charge up and then fight and kill Sonic! IT'S NOW KNOW TO US READERS! Which makes reading on boring now...since we already know what he's going to do...what's on tv?
You need to be more vague when it comes to stuff like that. Or, just give no reasoning at all. Then it makes people wonder. "Why did he agree to that? What's he planning?" Then people read on to get their answers. :)
Secondly, try not to look too much into the minds of other characters. The actions that the characters make should portray their thoughts and feelings about a situation. Have faith in your reader's ability to 'read between the lines'. The example I used above is a prime example of this. Another I found was: "The look in her vivid eyes was a message, a plead that emphatically asked for Sonic to stay in her care. Hecate could read it like it was written before him, however, that was a wish he refused to grant."
Well, obviously Hecate wouldn't grant it because he sent Sonic away! Using actions during this part would have passed on the message just as good, if not better. Revision: "'Hecate...' Amy's breathed weakly.
She gazed at Hecate with heavy-lidded eyes. Hecate towered above her like a mountain. His narrowed eyes shifted quickly between her and Sonic. His upper lip twitched in disgust, as if he could bear his fanged teeth and growl. Arms folded so tightly, there were creases in his arms.
'Sonic will be staying in the cage. It's roomy now that the others ran off, but I've patched it up just for you.' He said degradingly, staring daggers through Sonic. He turned his back to the couple, 'I'll be getting the others soon, so you won't be lonely for long.'"
So you can tell by the way Hecate stands in this that he's doesn't approve of their relationship or the deal. I didn't have to say straight out, 'Hecate didn't approve.' I kind of mixed it in, like I was watching an actor play out the scene.
I hope this helped! You know I'm always here to help you out with anything and everything. :) Wonderful job on the chapter! Update soon!
Blitz
2Basic BlitzKIYA IS WHAT NOW?! *throws pillow against wall* LIES I SAY! KIYA IS TOO AWESOME TO LOSE HER SIGHT.
World! Give Kiya back her vision. That's rude. T-T
...Kiya better get back her vision or I'm going to...um...throw more pillows...AT KITTENS! *holds pillow in front of kitten* Don't make me do it, Zel! It doesn't have to be this way. Just do what I say and Mr. Fluffles can walk away from this pillow-free o-o
SO this story made my week! :D Especially the dedication to my Auntie Kat in the the very beginning. *sniff* So nice of you. ;-; Auntie Kat smiles upon you from Heaven. :)
Wait. Wait. Wait...I contain an Item of Light? ...*grasps chest* Hecate will never get my item! He will have to fight me and my NEW AWESOME SWORD! (Thank you, Lina. ZEL YOU MADE AN APPEARANCE! *hugs*) He won't be grabbing my che- *realizes how wrong that sounds* If he comes within 30 feet of me I'm carving out his eyes. Perv. -_-
Okay, so since I'm so tired right now, we're getting straight to critiquing...
Firstly, I'd like to start out with the suspense element in your story. You seem to give away a lot in the middle, making some events predictable for the future. Example: "Yes, Hecate would take this truce for his advantage. He would kill Sonic, just not now. No, he was going to wait until he reached the peek (That should be 'peak') of power, and fighting now would just impede his search for the items."
...You just spoiled his master plan. He's going to charge up and then fight and kill Sonic! IT'S NOW KNOW TO US READERS! Which makes reading on boring now...since we already know what he's going to do...what's on tv?
You need to be more vague when it comes to stuff like that. Or, just give no reasoning at all. Then it makes people wonder. "Why did he agree to that? What's he planning?" Then people read on to get their answers. :)
Secondly, try not to look too much into the minds of other characters. The actions that the characters make should portray their thoughts and feelings about a situation. Have faith in your reader's ability to 'read between the lines'. The example I used above is a prime example of this. Another I found was: "The look in her vivid eyes was a message, a plead that emphatically asked for Sonic to stay in her care. Hecate could read it like it was written before him, however, that was a wish he refused to grant."
Well, obviously Hecate wouldn't grant it because he sent Sonic away! Using actions during this part would have passed on the message just as good, if not better. Revision: "'Hecate...' Amy's breathed weakly.
She gazed at Hecate with heavy-lidded eyes. Hecate towered above her like a mountain. His narrowed eyes shifted quickly between her and Sonic. His upper lip twitched in disgust, as if he could bear his fanged teeth and growl. Arms folded so tightly, there were creases in his arms.
'Sonic will be staying in the cage. It's roomy now that the others ran off, but I've patched it up just for you.' He said degradingly, staring daggers through Sonic. He turned his back to the couple, 'I'll be getting the others soon, so you won't be lonely for long.'"
So you can tell by the way Hecate stands in this that he's doesn't approve of their relationship or the deal. I didn't have to say straight out, 'Hecate didn't approve.' I kind of mixed it in, like I was watching an actor play out the scene.
I hope this helped! You know I'm always here to help you out with anything and everything. :) Wonderful job on the chapter! Update soon!
Blitz
12/18/2012 c7 1le.pechi
i luv ch 7. i wanted to be in this cafe... xD
i laughed so hard when Lina appears with the machine gun!
ya guys are soooo freakin' funny!
1le.pechii luv ch 7. i wanted to be in this cafe... xD
i laughed so hard when Lina appears with the machine gun!
ya guys are soooo freakin' funny!
12/3/2012 c17 2Basic Blitz
OH MAH GOD. YOU UPDATED! YAY! :D
So, to save you the time of reading my giant message, I'm going to sum this up in one word:
AMAZINGLYAWESOME
...Yes, that's one word. DON'T QUESTION ME! o-o
Okay, so if you still wanna read, here's more details. :)
I was super pleased when the story started out in my perspective! (I felt super special! :D) And I thought the flashback was adorable! You know a flashback is good when it has cookies in it. o-o
Other favorite parts:
Older Me is telling Kiya the importance of cookies! And what a valuable life lesson that is. o-o
"WELCOME BACK TO THE LIVING!" XD I died laughing!
My perfect landing out of the tree... I meant to do that. ;
OH SNAP CRACKLE POP RICE KRISPIES. My sword broke! D: R.I.P, my baby!
Because I saved Sonic with my sword, I believe I deserve a new weapon...preferably one that flames and is in a chainsaw form. XD
SONIC AND AMY TOGETHER FINALLY.
They are the adorable-est things I've ever seen! Their love is so pure! O-O They need to get out of that castle and do some romantic stuff! HECATE, you should die. Okay? x)
Critique:
In the beginning you say, "And not even the strongest of warriors would try such a mission unless they had a quick and painful death wish." I think you should make it "long and painful" because when it's quick, it's too easy. ;)
"Lost in her racing thoughts...sucked the air out of her in the first place." That includes all of the stuff in between. x) Since you want the reader to feel like they're there, you should probably establish that she is feeling nervous and is focused on other things. Then you should quickly change her attention to the knock at the door. It makes it more of a story if the events are in the right order. :)
Do you understand what I'm saying? Here's an example: "Amy's anxiety consumed her. She needed to see her friends again. She needed to see them safe. The things Hecate could do to them if he discovered them made her stomach flip. With his power, he could curse them, let them endure a slow death. Get his hands on them and make them bleed and cry before him, mercilessly. Shove them in a cage deep in the dark dungeon and let them rot and scream where no one could hear-
A knock at the door made her jump, her brush fell to the floor with a dull thump. She put a shaky hand over her heart as if to keep it from jumping out of her chest."
So, that's my brief edit... I know it's kinda lame. x)
Keep up the good work! Can't wait for part 2! :D SUPER EXCITED!
UPDATE SOON!
2Basic BlitzOH MAH GOD. YOU UPDATED! YAY! :D
So, to save you the time of reading my giant message, I'm going to sum this up in one word:
AMAZINGLYAWESOME
...Yes, that's one word. DON'T QUESTION ME! o-o
Okay, so if you still wanna read, here's more details. :)
I was super pleased when the story started out in my perspective! (I felt super special! :D) And I thought the flashback was adorable! You know a flashback is good when it has cookies in it. o-o
Other favorite parts:
Older Me is telling Kiya the importance of cookies! And what a valuable life lesson that is. o-o
"WELCOME BACK TO THE LIVING!" XD I died laughing!
My perfect landing out of the tree... I meant to do that. ;
OH SNAP CRACKLE POP RICE KRISPIES. My sword broke! D: R.I.P, my baby!
Because I saved Sonic with my sword, I believe I deserve a new weapon...preferably one that flames and is in a chainsaw form. XD
SONIC AND AMY TOGETHER FINALLY.
They are the adorable-est things I've ever seen! Their love is so pure! O-O They need to get out of that castle and do some romantic stuff! HECATE, you should die. Okay? x)
Critique:
In the beginning you say, "And not even the strongest of warriors would try such a mission unless they had a quick and painful death wish." I think you should make it "long and painful" because when it's quick, it's too easy. ;)
"Lost in her racing thoughts...sucked the air out of her in the first place." That includes all of the stuff in between. x) Since you want the reader to feel like they're there, you should probably establish that she is feeling nervous and is focused on other things. Then you should quickly change her attention to the knock at the door. It makes it more of a story if the events are in the right order. :)
Do you understand what I'm saying? Here's an example: "Amy's anxiety consumed her. She needed to see her friends again. She needed to see them safe. The things Hecate could do to them if he discovered them made her stomach flip. With his power, he could curse them, let them endure a slow death. Get his hands on them and make them bleed and cry before him, mercilessly. Shove them in a cage deep in the dark dungeon and let them rot and scream where no one could hear-
A knock at the door made her jump, her brush fell to the floor with a dull thump. She put a shaky hand over her heart as if to keep it from jumping out of her chest."
So, that's my brief edit... I know it's kinda lame. x)
Keep up the good work! Can't wait for part 2! :D SUPER EXCITED!
UPDATE SOON!
12/1/2012 c17 TheLinkster
I think both these stories are amazing!
Also, unless you want me to, I promise not to pester you about every typo I see (I do notice them all, I'm kinda weird like that :) )
Big fan of yours!
I think both these stories are amazing!
Also, unless you want me to, I promise not to pester you about every typo I see (I do notice them all, I'm kinda weird like that :) )
Big fan of yours!
11/28/2012 c17 Rin-sama and Len-kun
Yayyyysss! You updated! Don't worry about taking so long, I'm taking a REALLY long hiatus in my fix cuz it's plain horrible, and I have lots of homework too. I swear, it's like teachers are out to get us... –3–
Well, please update when you can! SONAMY! X3
Dani
Yayyyysss! You updated! Don't worry about taking so long, I'm taking a REALLY long hiatus in my fix cuz it's plain horrible, and I have lots of homework too. I swear, it's like teachers are out to get us... –3–
Well, please update when you can! SONAMY! X3
Dani
10/12/2012 c16 3Fluffeh turtle
Oh my god! I know how you feel! We can wait. Take your time hun. (OMG! I JUST SOUNDED LIKE ROUGE!) enjoy the FREEDOM!
3Fluffeh turtleOh my god! I know how you feel! We can wait. Take your time hun. (OMG! I JUST SOUNDED LIKE ROUGE!) enjoy the FREEDOM!
10/9/2012 c16 Rin-sama and Len-kun
Lol, don't worry! I'm taking a break as well, cuz 8th grade is tough... Guess we're on the same page!
Can't wait for an update!
Hahaha, pickles rock! :D
Dani
Lol, don't worry! I'm taking a break as well, cuz 8th grade is tough... Guess we're on the same page!
Can't wait for an update!
Hahaha, pickles rock! :D
Dani
9/24/2012 c15 kaycee
I love your stories by the way sounds like darien from sailor moon! PLEASE WRITE THE REST! ittook me a couple hours to finish the first one and 2 nights to finish the first 15 chapters by the way lol times 100000000
I love your stories by the way sounds like darien from sailor moon! PLEASE WRITE THE REST! ittook me a couple hours to finish the first one and 2 nights to finish the first 15 chapters by the way lol times 100000000
8/31/2012 c15 Amicus
I like your stories allot! You're very descriptive and get the characters personalities right on, and you're also very good with suspense and holding your audience. *applause* update soon! Farewell!
I like your stories allot! You're very descriptive and get the characters personalities right on, and you're also very good with suspense and holding your audience. *applause* update soon! Farewell!
8/27/2012 c15 2Basic Blitz
I DIDN'T REVIEW THIS? *Kicks random cardboard box* What is wrong with life? D:
Okay, I'm here. :D Sorry, I thought I reviewed it but I just remembered that I didn't... *Holds up shield* Okay, you can throw rocks at me now. ;_; Just don't hit my new chainsaw over there...I got it for my birthday. *sob*
Critique time? Well, if you say so:
What an adorable brother-sister moment with LL and me! :D Bickering like the siblings we are! When you said: "but he simply turned the other direction, letting the sleeping dog lie." ...You kinda lost me. But I give you plus ten points for trying to be metaphoric! And one hundred points for that "feed the dead fire" metaphor! Wonderful!
I squealed when Devon said "But I'm so lonely here without my Blitzy!" I was all AWWW! Who's my cute wittew boyfwiend? x3 Yew are! *kisses his forehead*
"I thought I told you your name was Molly!" XD If Hectate ever called me by a name as lame as that, I'd poor water on his head...if he called me Petunia or Penelope or Mildred I'm kicking him where the sun don't shine. T_T
For that section, I see you emphasized the fact that Hecate likes to see people cry. So I guess what you're trying to say is that he's power-hungry and thrives off the weakness of others. I was guessing that was what you were going for with that second to last paragraph in Hecate's POV. That should be a reoccurring theme in all the chapters because that's his personality.
"Hey how's it going." XD Priceless! I love Devon! That joke will never get old.
"He looked so ruffed up, like the practice dummies after Aunt Blitz's morning warm-up. He was cut and bruised, and did I see a split lip as well?" Oh, hun, if he was one of MY dummies he'd be in worse shape than that! XD
Poor Sonic! At least they found him! They must save him, quick!
*reads on and realizes cliffhanger* YOU FIEND! D: *shakes computer* SaVe SoNic!
That was a very short and kinda random flashback for Devon at the beginning of his POV. I don't think it flowed very well with the story and switched subjects kinda abruptly. Maybe next time have the person doing something that triggers the memory. Then it would flow easier. And you wouldn't have to give away all the history at once. Just certain things trigger certain memories that you disperse through the whole story. :) You'll have plenty of time to explain things and give backstories in between actions. Then it'll all add up in the end! :D
Cute flashback with Blitz and Devon! I never realized how intimate their encounter was until I saw it from his POV! :) AWWW! Nice work!
"Yes sir! She's the greatest thing that's ever happened to me." I was smiling and giggling. x) Damn right I am! *hug attack Devon from behind*
I felt so heartbroken for the boys. For them to realize that they might lose their girlfriends! How sad. D: They might feel a little betrayal there since they didn't exactly tell them straight out in the beginning...maybe they'll throw a fit about it? Just another thing to consider! x)
"The reason for that is because..."
...
Because...?
...THAT'S IT? *slams head against table* Cliffhanger! You have me in your clutches once again! -_- Curse you. You're getting good at this.
Well! That's my gigantic review for you! ...Hey! This is just like my old reviews! :D Ah, memories! ...Anyway, hope the next chapter will be up soon! I'll talk to you later! Update soon! :D
2Basic BlitzI DIDN'T REVIEW THIS? *Kicks random cardboard box* What is wrong with life? D:
Okay, I'm here. :D Sorry, I thought I reviewed it but I just remembered that I didn't... *Holds up shield* Okay, you can throw rocks at me now. ;_; Just don't hit my new chainsaw over there...I got it for my birthday. *sob*
Critique time? Well, if you say so:
What an adorable brother-sister moment with LL and me! :D Bickering like the siblings we are! When you said: "but he simply turned the other direction, letting the sleeping dog lie." ...You kinda lost me. But I give you plus ten points for trying to be metaphoric! And one hundred points for that "feed the dead fire" metaphor! Wonderful!
I squealed when Devon said "But I'm so lonely here without my Blitzy!" I was all AWWW! Who's my cute wittew boyfwiend? x3 Yew are! *kisses his forehead*
"I thought I told you your name was Molly!" XD If Hectate ever called me by a name as lame as that, I'd poor water on his head...if he called me Petunia or Penelope or Mildred I'm kicking him where the sun don't shine. T_T
For that section, I see you emphasized the fact that Hecate likes to see people cry. So I guess what you're trying to say is that he's power-hungry and thrives off the weakness of others. I was guessing that was what you were going for with that second to last paragraph in Hecate's POV. That should be a reoccurring theme in all the chapters because that's his personality.
"Hey how's it going." XD Priceless! I love Devon! That joke will never get old.
"He looked so ruffed up, like the practice dummies after Aunt Blitz's morning warm-up. He was cut and bruised, and did I see a split lip as well?" Oh, hun, if he was one of MY dummies he'd be in worse shape than that! XD
Poor Sonic! At least they found him! They must save him, quick!
*reads on and realizes cliffhanger* YOU FIEND! D: *shakes computer* SaVe SoNic!
That was a very short and kinda random flashback for Devon at the beginning of his POV. I don't think it flowed very well with the story and switched subjects kinda abruptly. Maybe next time have the person doing something that triggers the memory. Then it would flow easier. And you wouldn't have to give away all the history at once. Just certain things trigger certain memories that you disperse through the whole story. :) You'll have plenty of time to explain things and give backstories in between actions. Then it'll all add up in the end! :D
Cute flashback with Blitz and Devon! I never realized how intimate their encounter was until I saw it from his POV! :) AWWW! Nice work!
"Yes sir! She's the greatest thing that's ever happened to me." I was smiling and giggling. x) Damn right I am! *hug attack Devon from behind*
I felt so heartbroken for the boys. For them to realize that they might lose their girlfriends! How sad. D: They might feel a little betrayal there since they didn't exactly tell them straight out in the beginning...maybe they'll throw a fit about it? Just another thing to consider! x)
"The reason for that is because..."
...
Because...?
...THAT'S IT? *slams head against table* Cliffhanger! You have me in your clutches once again! -_- Curse you. You're getting good at this.
Well! That's my gigantic review for you! ...Hey! This is just like my old reviews! :D Ah, memories! ...Anyway, hope the next chapter will be up soon! I'll talk to you later! Update soon! :D
8/21/2012 c15 1SunnyAirisu222
Hiya! It's Sunny Airisu! How are you, Zel? I brought Sayooooooooo with me today, though I don't think he's happy about it...
"Hmph."
*stuffs Sayo in a box and throws him over a cliff*
Now that we've gotten rid of a certain moody rabbit, it's time to review! I'll try to make a decent review, though no promises.
First off, I have to let you know that your chapters are awesome, lengthy, and breaktaking. I'm happy that you allowed me to use Kiya in my story, and I'm honored to be friends with such an awesome person like you!
Now, for chapter fifteen/fourteen... It's amazing. Although chapter 11 and chapter 6 remain my favorite, you continue to awe me. Happy birthday, by the way! I hope it was great, and I hope your year will be amazing!
The reunion was absolutely adorable! It was so sweet, touching, heartwarming, and funny. I loved it! "Screw the fruit-loop" - that had me dying and is absolutely priceless. xD
Hecate... Oh, that hunk. He's so fiiiiine and handsome and *squeal*. Poor bad-guy, that cut must really hurt. Someone should probably go fetch him a bandage for that before he destroys the world or something in his rampaging quest to fix that wound. xD AND MOLLY/SARA/MAID
HOW DARE SHE NOT KNOW WHEN HER NAME AUTOMATICALLY CHANGES?
SUCH A TERRIBLE LITTLE CREATURE
But honestly, I flinched when Hecate was being mean to her... It shows me how harsh he can really be. *slaps Hecate across the face shamelessly* WERE YOU TRYING TO FLIRT WITH THAT MAID? BECAUSE YOU'RE M-I-N-E! *ties him up*
That coldness, that wonderful, beautiful coldness. I was freezing to death on the night that I read that part, but I was too mesmerized to move. The settings matched with perfection.
Back to those cuties! They're becoming their mamas! Awh! So adorable; it reminds of the original LnL, which makes me want to indulge in the journey all over again. I seriously think that you need to do a threequel. xD
Ack, teenage boys and their wanting eyes. *shakes head* Pfft! So cute, though... Owo
Back to this coldness! My eyes still staring at the words unblinkingly. My body still an icecube. Poor Sonikku! D: And such a purty would-be Sonamy moment! I just might fangirl over how cute it is! FAAAAAANNNNNGIRRRRRLLLLLLSSS S
I absolutely love how Amy said "I just hope Sonic doesn't catch a cold" right after he was thinking about that. Perfect. :)
Epic snooping around. Telepathy! Turning into a spirit! Seeing people you know! Eating kittens! ...Er, forget I said that. Walking into paintings or seeing paintings or something to do with a wonderful painting! Oh my! Sonic is dying! Oh my!
This Kiya part is brilliant. I'm still freezing, though. You better get Sonic warm again so I feel it's safe for me to get a blanket or something. xD
And Devon! I've wanted, wanted, wanted to know more about him for a long time. A wonderful, really nice past, and I love finding out more about him. And his POV is rather pleasing, too. It almost warms me up!
And they finally find out about Kiya and Blitz! Yeah, guys, your girlfriends are about 3984 years old, yeah. They're cougars. Lol!
AND LL BLEEP YOU LL
Dude, I love you and all and I know Comrade has allowed me to be your girlfriend and all, but you won't even tell him. Gah, you're such a good actor, Leolinny! And you're such a great writer, Zel! But I must find out what this golden hedgie is telling people. I must!
And there's my pitifully short review! My only constructive critisim is that there was a little bit of confusions as to where to put apostrophes after or before 's'. That's it!
*gets out gun and jumps into battle, my wildly muderous style showing* YEAH SHOOT AWAY! Wait, it's not loaded?! Oh darn... *dies*
*Sayo crawls out of box and climbs the mountain.*
"I suppose I'll post this. Sayonara, Zelzania and Lina. Until next time, this has been Sayo."
(and Sunny!)
See you soon!
1SunnyAirisu222Hiya! It's Sunny Airisu! How are you, Zel? I brought Sayooooooooo with me today, though I don't think he's happy about it...
"Hmph."
*stuffs Sayo in a box and throws him over a cliff*
Now that we've gotten rid of a certain moody rabbit, it's time to review! I'll try to make a decent review, though no promises.
First off, I have to let you know that your chapters are awesome, lengthy, and breaktaking. I'm happy that you allowed me to use Kiya in my story, and I'm honored to be friends with such an awesome person like you!
Now, for chapter fifteen/fourteen... It's amazing. Although chapter 11 and chapter 6 remain my favorite, you continue to awe me. Happy birthday, by the way! I hope it was great, and I hope your year will be amazing!
The reunion was absolutely adorable! It was so sweet, touching, heartwarming, and funny. I loved it! "Screw the fruit-loop" - that had me dying and is absolutely priceless. xD
Hecate... Oh, that hunk. He's so fiiiiine and handsome and *squeal*. Poor bad-guy, that cut must really hurt. Someone should probably go fetch him a bandage for that before he destroys the world or something in his rampaging quest to fix that wound. xD AND MOLLY/SARA/MAID
HOW DARE SHE NOT KNOW WHEN HER NAME AUTOMATICALLY CHANGES?
SUCH A TERRIBLE LITTLE CREATURE
But honestly, I flinched when Hecate was being mean to her... It shows me how harsh he can really be. *slaps Hecate across the face shamelessly* WERE YOU TRYING TO FLIRT WITH THAT MAID? BECAUSE YOU'RE M-I-N-E! *ties him up*
That coldness, that wonderful, beautiful coldness. I was freezing to death on the night that I read that part, but I was too mesmerized to move. The settings matched with perfection.
Back to those cuties! They're becoming their mamas! Awh! So adorable; it reminds of the original LnL, which makes me want to indulge in the journey all over again. I seriously think that you need to do a threequel. xD
Ack, teenage boys and their wanting eyes. *shakes head* Pfft! So cute, though... Owo
Back to this coldness! My eyes still staring at the words unblinkingly. My body still an icecube. Poor Sonikku! D: And such a purty would-be Sonamy moment! I just might fangirl over how cute it is! FAAAAAANNNNNGIRRRRRLLLLLLSSS S
I absolutely love how Amy said "I just hope Sonic doesn't catch a cold" right after he was thinking about that. Perfect. :)
Epic snooping around. Telepathy! Turning into a spirit! Seeing people you know! Eating kittens! ...Er, forget I said that. Walking into paintings or seeing paintings or something to do with a wonderful painting! Oh my! Sonic is dying! Oh my!
This Kiya part is brilliant. I'm still freezing, though. You better get Sonic warm again so I feel it's safe for me to get a blanket or something. xD
And Devon! I've wanted, wanted, wanted to know more about him for a long time. A wonderful, really nice past, and I love finding out more about him. And his POV is rather pleasing, too. It almost warms me up!
And they finally find out about Kiya and Blitz! Yeah, guys, your girlfriends are about 3984 years old, yeah. They're cougars. Lol!
AND LL BLEEP YOU LL
Dude, I love you and all and I know Comrade has allowed me to be your girlfriend and all, but you won't even tell him. Gah, you're such a good actor, Leolinny! And you're such a great writer, Zel! But I must find out what this golden hedgie is telling people. I must!
And there's my pitifully short review! My only constructive critisim is that there was a little bit of confusions as to where to put apostrophes after or before 's'. That's it!
*gets out gun and jumps into battle, my wildly muderous style showing* YEAH SHOOT AWAY! Wait, it's not loaded?! Oh darn... *dies*
*Sayo crawls out of box and climbs the mountain.*
"I suppose I'll post this. Sayonara, Zelzania and Lina. Until next time, this has been Sayo."
(and Sunny!)
See you soon!
8/15/2012 c15 3Fluffeh turtle
Hiya! I started reading this today and I'm in love! It's so complex and intoxicating (Did i spell that right?) And just-
Mocha: You talk to much fluffy...
Who the hell are you?
Mocha: Remember I'm the one who you make torture Eggman with those care bare tapes.
Oh yeah... Good times... Wait why are you here?
Mocha: I come when you get really smart sounding or really dumb... So basicly I'm always around you.
Are you saying I'm really smart?
Mocha: No.
Awwww... Then back to the torture chamber you go! Not to torture you but ya know eggy...
Mocha: I'm going, I'm going... Idiot.
I heard that!
Mocha: So?
... Go away...
Mocha: Fine see you tomorrow. -Leaves-
What did that mean? Where am I? Oh yeah! Love the story keep going and sorry about your family problems.
P.S. You now have another reviewer of EVERY chapter from now on! v
3Fluffeh turtleHiya! I started reading this today and I'm in love! It's so complex and intoxicating (Did i spell that right?) And just-
Mocha: You talk to much fluffy...
Who the hell are you?
Mocha: Remember I'm the one who you make torture Eggman with those care bare tapes.
Oh yeah... Good times... Wait why are you here?
Mocha: I come when you get really smart sounding or really dumb... So basicly I'm always around you.
Are you saying I'm really smart?
Mocha: No.
Awwww... Then back to the torture chamber you go! Not to torture you but ya know eggy...
Mocha: I'm going, I'm going... Idiot.
I heard that!
Mocha: So?
... Go away...
Mocha: Fine see you tomorrow. -Leaves-
What did that mean? Where am I? Oh yeah! Love the story keep going and sorry about your family problems.
P.S. You now have another reviewer of EVERY chapter from now on! v
8/14/2012 c15 4Comrade Athelwine
LL, What Are you Telling people?
"Well It would not be a cliffhanger If I told you Now, Would it?"
Well I am your Creator!
"And?"
And!... I... Want to know... If not I will make myself a TARDIS and fly forwards in time in order to find out!
"You Shall do no such thing, you shall sit back and write..."
... Why do I listen to you?
"Because In the end thats what you want to?"
*Grumbles* Ok Then.
Hey You two, Stop shooting each other, and Hear my words, for It was a really good chapter :) Worth the wait, and with a good enough cliffhanger to make me make a Schizophrenic debate.
For now, I have NO complaints at all to come up with, but I will sit on a Mixture of cocaine and anxiety in order to cope with the time i dont get to know what LL was talking about XD
RESCUE SONIC BLITZIE! OR ELSE MOTHER IS GOING TO BE PISSED!
Dont mess with Mamma Blitz...
4Comrade AthelwineLL, What Are you Telling people?
"Well It would not be a cliffhanger If I told you Now, Would it?"
Well I am your Creator!
"And?"
And!... I... Want to know... If not I will make myself a TARDIS and fly forwards in time in order to find out!
"You Shall do no such thing, you shall sit back and write..."
... Why do I listen to you?
"Because In the end thats what you want to?"
*Grumbles* Ok Then.
Hey You two, Stop shooting each other, and Hear my words, for It was a really good chapter :) Worth the wait, and with a good enough cliffhanger to make me make a Schizophrenic debate.
For now, I have NO complaints at all to come up with, but I will sit on a Mixture of cocaine and anxiety in order to cope with the time i dont get to know what LL was talking about XD
RESCUE SONIC BLITZIE! OR ELSE MOTHER IS GOING TO BE PISSED!
Dont mess with Mamma Blitz...