for The Chronicles of Riddick UnderVerse12/5/2012 c1 Trissacar
I'm going to try to comment on each chapter cause I personally love it when people do that.
Okay I loved it. I could hear Riddick's voice saying the lines and you got every character in character in my opinion. I squeeled at the
"Because he'd had his hands all over Kyra…"
I'm going to try to comment on each chapter cause I personally love it when people do that.
Okay I loved it. I could hear Riddick's voice saying the lines and you got every character in character in my opinion. I squeeled at the
"Because he'd had his hands all over Kyra…"
11/24/2012 c10 t41nt4n0th3r
Really, I'm more reviewing the whole story. Overall, it's alright. Imagery. more imagery is my personal preference. The senses, touch, smell, sight. A lot of action but not so much flow... like, they were fighting, a completely nonessential to that, the sweat beading cold down his back when he gets slammed into the wall. See what I mean. If you care to flesh out your story more, I think that would be a good direction.
Really, I'm more reviewing the whole story. Overall, it's alright. Imagery. more imagery is my personal preference. The senses, touch, smell, sight. A lot of action but not so much flow... like, they were fighting, a completely nonessential to that, the sweat beading cold down his back when he gets slammed into the wall. See what I mean. If you care to flesh out your story more, I think that would be a good direction.
7/25/2012 c10 
5What If Incorporated
Wow. Just wow. Two things, I'm amazed at how well you wrote this and how I didn't manage to find and read this fantastic story earlier. I appreciate the fact that you had Riddick go get Kyra. This could definitely pass as a script for another movie if I do say do myself. I also adore the fact that you kept everyone in character and kept their interactions with one another believable. Thank you very much for posting! This little treasure is definitely being added to my favorites! (:
5What If IncorporatedWow. Just wow. Two things, I'm amazed at how well you wrote this and how I didn't manage to find and read this fantastic story earlier. I appreciate the fact that you had Riddick go get Kyra. This could definitely pass as a script for another movie if I do say do myself. I also adore the fact that you kept everyone in character and kept their interactions with one another believable. Thank you very much for posting! This little treasure is definitely being added to my favorites! (:
2/26/2012 c6 Christy
Like it. Watch using 'fuck' too much. It loses impact and detracts from the flow of thought. Certainly the characters would say it. Keep it going.
Like it. Watch using 'fuck' too much. It loses impact and detracts from the flow of thought. Certainly the characters would say it. Keep it going.
1/2/2012 c10 LolabunnyZ
wish i woulda read this fic before the other one, but even so, you can still read Old Habits w/o reading the prequel. Both are really good fics. i'll be waiting for your next update. your work is awesome!
wish i woulda read this fic before the other one, but even so, you can still read Old Habits w/o reading the prequel. Both are really good fics. i'll be waiting for your next update. your work is awesome!
1/2/2012 c9 LolabunnyZ
jus realized this story is complete, guess i only have one more chapter to go. kinda refreshing to read a fic that's not 40 chapters long
jus realized this story is complete, guess i only have one more chapter to go. kinda refreshing to read a fic that's not 40 chapters long
1/2/2012 c8 LolabunnyZ
yes we all knew you wouldn't kill riddick. hmmm i wonder if anyone has in a fanfic? don't think they'd get any friendly reviews lol
yes we all knew you wouldn't kill riddick. hmmm i wonder if anyone has in a fanfic? don't think they'd get any friendly reviews lol
1/2/2012 c7 LolabunnyZ
"everything went to hell in a hand basket with a pretty little fuck you bow tied on top" - where the hell do u get awesome phrases like that?
"everything went to hell in a hand basket with a pretty little fuck you bow tied on top" - where the hell do u get awesome phrases like that?
1/2/2012 c6 LolabunnyZ
"Not very elaborate."
Riddick shrugged. "Doesn't need to be." - sounds like something he'd say.
liked how you added in Riddick's thoughts from the movie bits, very cool. i really liked this chapter
"Not very elaborate."
Riddick shrugged. "Doesn't need to be." - sounds like something he'd say.
liked how you added in Riddick's thoughts from the movie bits, very cool. i really liked this chapter
1/2/2012 c5 LolabunnyZ
Kyra's always getting into trouble, in the movies and in fanfics. Really says alot on Riddick's part that he keeps saving her. Puts alot of effort into keeping her alive. Guess that's why he'll go to hell and back. ah romantic, Riddick style
Kyra's always getting into trouble, in the movies and in fanfics. Really says alot on Riddick's part that he keeps saving her. Puts alot of effort into keeping her alive. Guess that's why he'll go to hell and back. ah romantic, Riddick style
12/31/2011 c4 LolabunnyZ
nice little reunion they had there. totally want 2 read the rest of the chapters now but reality comes back @ a terrible time. At least i'll have something 2 look forward 2 after tomorrow mornings hangover... happy new year!
nice little reunion they had there. totally want 2 read the rest of the chapters now but reality comes back @ a terrible time. At least i'll have something 2 look forward 2 after tomorrow mornings hangover... happy new year!