Just In
for One Peice: Newhart's Voyage:

7/2/2012 c2 17William X
Interesting how Newhart ended up defecting. I also like the appearance of Thatch and Marco. Although you should rename the story One Piece, not One Peice.
5/22/2012 c1 William X
I like Newhart's character we quite interesting so are his crew mates. I also liked Vice-Admiral Llanfair, but the fight between him and Newhart was kinds of short.
4/25/2012 c5 10Xx Epic Emo Kitty xX
*cries from epicness* TwT More please...
1/29/2012 c4 12Inferno 54
... Ok... So basically what I've gathered from this chapter, is you have utterly torn apart the world of one piece without an ounce of explanation.

Not only that, but you could really work on comma use, and subtlety. Along with you could really go for more description, and less dialogue.

Also... How would Sabo have become a celestial dragon, and why Would Luffy be on his way to becoming Pirate kind, if he's 1) got no inspiration from Gol D. Roger, and 2) doesn't have his crew, as Usopp mysteriously became a famous assassin for whiskey peak, and Nami is about to join the Newharts... For whatever reason... Unless you plan on making up a cartographer Navigator.

Basically, what I'm asking for is a lot more explination into all of this, along more planning and underlining of what's going on.

Inferno 54
1/8/2012 c5 6Elielephant
This is an interesting story line so far. The way you use the characters is interesting, too. Like putting Chopper with Law's crew, it's sort of something I could see, though Usopp sees a bit far fetched as an assassin just because he is always so scared, but if it were after the time skip I think I could see it more, just because he looks super cool.

Though, I noticed that throughout the story you forget to put periods at the end of sentences, and you could put commas in some places for a better flow.

Other then that, this has been a good read, and I'll wait for the next chapter.
1/8/2012 c5 32Neko11
Hello! I'm so sorry it took me so long to read this chapter! But finally I got some time to do so, and I'm glad I did. It was really good =)

Woah, Chopper's a part of Law's crew? Lol cool! That surprised me! First Usopp as an assassin, and then Chopper. Now Law has a bear and a reindeer in his crew, that's a pretty interesting mix ;D

Hmm, I wonder what Blackbeard is planning...

Well, this was nicely written and it's getting really exciting now.. keep it up! :)
12/29/2011 c5 10Crimson G
Usopp an assassin and Chopper is with Law? This keeps getting more interesting. Cook pirates eh? I wonder about the other cameos from the other strawhats. Keep up the goodwork.
12/26/2011 c3 12Inferno 54
Hmm, well, it appears that you're attempting to create some sort of war betweenthe time Ace joined White beards crew, and the great war, where Ace died... Though, your writing could still use much improvement.

Your characters moods jump too harshly, there's no transtition between happy and angry for them...along with some mis characterization, like how Whitebeard only speaks with those who bring him quality Sake.

I'll have to catch up later... Try re-reading your chapters more before posting to see if you can fish out some of the grammar mistakes.

Inferno 54
12/26/2011 c2 Inferno 54
While ypur story is enjoyable and original, I can't help but notice numourous flaws... Like impropor comma use, and jambled sentances, such as this one

"Well Ms. Clancy, the last time I saw you Clancy was back when you tried to propose you Emperor Whitebeard. But you failed in your conquest of love?" Thatch answered curtly

And then there's the rather noticeable flaw... In the previous chapter, you made the fic sound like it was taking place in the past, where Roger still lived, however, you've now thrown that out the window, as you've introduced Teach, who didn't join the Whitebeard pirates until after Ace, making this a more Modern One Piece fic.

Also, while your theory is considerable enough, the more popular theory of Teach is that with his yami yami no mi (and keep in mind, darkness is gravity) he can suck the devil fruit out of a deceased user, because when a user of a devil fruit dies, the fruit re-apears in the world. TTeach can only consumemultiple devil fruits because of his powers of darkness. However, this is only another theory. And with Shirahoshi being one weapon, and the warship Pluton being another, it would be likely that the next weapon would be neither ship nor human.

I think I'll read one more chapter to see ifI can get more of an angle as to where you're coming from... Happy holidays,

Inferno 54
12/26/2011 c5 8imangieee
ooh~, this is getting exciting.

Update soon (:
12/26/2011 c5 28Son of Whitebeard
See the next exciting installment of Newhart's Voyage
12/22/2011 c4 10Xx Epic Emo Kitty xX
this is getting epic!
12/19/2011 c2 6Mike Turner 1
This was definately an interesting continuation, especially with the prospect of Newhart being involved in a war alongside the whitebeard pirates :3

Newhart's backstory was interesting too, especially with him commenting on the confusing way in which people in the marines view justice (there are so many versions, that it's no wonder that Newhart wanted some consistancy and got fed up with life as a marine)

Thatch's proposal at the end was also a brilliant cliffhanger and now I wish to read more to discover what will happen in this new war.

A few grammatical errors were laid here and there in this chapter but on the whole it was an enjoyable and enlightening read.

Also, I was surprised that Elspeth asked Whitebeard to marry her. I mean, Whitebeard IS getting on his years after all and Elspeth didn't appear to seem that old to me. Guess it just goes to proves that the ladies love Whitebeard XD
12/19/2011 c4 8imangieee
That's very creative how you added Sabo in there.

So D stands for Destruction, D can mean a lot of things,

but I want to see how your decision plans out.
12/19/2011 c4 177XFangHeartX
This is a nice story! I'll look out for more chapters.
42 Page 1 .. Last Next »

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service