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for NaruMai Chronicles : Magic & Chakra

4/6/2014 c1 loretta537
this sounds interesting
5/18/2013 c1 ogihcI ikasoruK
Hmmm, well, I had been reading the original author's version, and was disappointed with him discontinuing that one, and since I like your other fic mahora's kiiroi arashi, I gave this one a shot. While its not much to go on for just the first chapter, I'd like to read more when the new chapter for this comes out.

Ja Ne!

Ps, I really hope you update mahora's kiiroi arashi sometime soon, I want to see/read the class' reaction to ayumi.
4/16/2013 c1 Dontforgettologout.lessontime
If your looking for a new challenge please check out mine!
1/27/2013 c1 Matsu
As long as Hinata is one of Naruto's betrothed I am fine with it.
10/29/2012 c1 gundamxmeister
actually mahora not all girl school, but academy city (like academy city from index) from kindergarten to university, they have co-ed and all boys school too, and negi teaches in all girls section.

please don't use Japanese, it's confusing.
6/25/2012 c1 DarkPirateKing69
okay.. don't know if i like it or not.. usually i stop reading crossovers where author brings too characters from naruto, in this case
6/10/2012 c1 1kniznik
Oh this is going to be fun. And Hinata already recognized him :D. When's the next chapter?
1/11/2012 c1 RinneganPossessor
I like it.

Hope you update soon.

Let's see if this story becomes as good as the one from c0dy88.
1/4/2012 c1 You Can Guess Who
Please, for all that is holy: No Japanese unless you plan to write the fic in Japanese!

You are writing this fic in English. While some things simply should not have no translations, such as Tanabata, kimono, sushi, titles, the suffixes added to names or tiles, personal names or the names of techniques, they are the exception, not the rule.

I know that some people (which may include you) try to learn about Japan and it's language, and occasionally add things they've learned to their works, but...unless people are explicitly talking in another language, you should stick to a single language in fic (with the exception noted above, of course).

I hope that you follow this piece of advice, both for my piece of mind (or I wouldn't have felt the need to review and tell you) and your improvement as a writer.
12/31/2011 c1 Hades252 2
A decent start with the whole AU Naruto history and all, but for the love of all the fan-fiction gods!(LOL) PLEASE! No Mana or Kaede with Naruto! They are almost always used and really makes no sense for Mana considering how Naruto and her personalities clash against one another not mention their differing beliefs in helping those around them! Kaede while understandable is annoying simply because its overuse(not mention not a single one of the fics she's in is complete). Now though, we'll have to see what will happen next to give a more definite review.
12/30/2011 c1 Animeguy1101
This seens interesting and has a good start, won't be sure of anything else till I read some more chapters of course. For Naruto's harem I vote for Asuna, Konoka and Setsuna(Can't have one without the other I say), and Hinata if any Naruto girls can be in it, if thier in it then I don't mind anyone else. As for any other ideas those will have to wait till I get a better idea of how the story goes.

I hope you update soon.
12/30/2011 c1 Knightofzero
Like how this looks and for pairings Ayaka Chizuru Yuna Mana Kaede Kazumi Madoka Konoka Setsuna Any Naru girls just no Sakura or Hinata. Ideas for arcs one of your reviewers said something about an invasion of mahora that sounds just awesome Takamichi and Konoe fighting the deva path sounds epic.
12/30/2011 c1 aliestrikehero
Well your "writing" is better then the other guy's, so thats one good thing so far.

Two things though, first is that Mahora Academy is Not an all girls school, it's a city sized campus that has a few "all-girls" schools; and second, why did you copy him and bring girls from Naruto?

And please update your Naru/Nadoka fic!
12/29/2011 c1 5SanDemonMax
Far too much Japanese at the end. Other than that, and my not liking people giving Naruko (fem-Naruto for 99% of the fandom) a different name (which is a personal preferance, so don't change it if you don't want to), good story.
12/29/2011 c1 Arashi
Look awesome hope this is updated soon just please no NaruHina or NaruSaku as for naruto's harem here's my choices Konoka/Setsuna,Chizuru,Yuna,Mana,Ino,Tenten,Ayaka and Haruna. For arcs how about an Invasion of Mahora sounds?
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