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for Tadpole's Last Moments

8/24/2012 c1 FIckerkdn
There were many errors in here. Missing periods, missing quotations,the beginning of each sentence must also be capitalized, and missing breaks where there are conversations or paragraph starters. The story has a strange layout, was it copy and pasted? But anyway the story did seem sad, nonetheless the errors. All you have to do is revise this and edit it and make it longer. :) You should also have the story start with Tadpole telling you the story as if it's like a flashback. That would be really good. :)
4/2/2012 c1 bilbro slaggings
you switched between tenses and to be honest you just copied all of the speech out the book! You need to break up the text so that it's easier to read. There is also a huge lack of punctuation and also its Moth not Moss. We are still cool? Right?
3/24/2012 c1 12wowowowowoldaccount
I felt bad when Tadpole died =( He was awsome..if he survived, he probably would have stopped Hawkfrost from becoming evil. And what! This is the first comment! WHAT THE HECK PEOPLE! THIS IS A GOOD STORY! DX

Anyway, I like how you wrote it ^_^ It was convincing

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