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for His Final Quest

1/17/2012 c1 9Watashi-wa-inori-tsuzukeru
Well Tom, you went to the trouble of messaging me, so I'm certainly happy to reveiw.

I can see by the other comments that you've already had the grammatical errors pointed out to some extent, but it is important, so I'll be mentioning some anyways.

-You've got to watch your punctuation, especially in the dialogue. "I'm coming!" or "I'm coming." instead of "I'm coming"

-There's some inconsistencies with your verb tense. Be careful to make sure you're keeping everything in its proper tense.

-There's a few repeat words/phrases in there, or unnecessary ones. You say the guard is shows he's nervous because he's clearly nervous. It confuses things.

As for more minor quirks, there's no need to italizice your dialogue, unless intentional. And you may want to mix up your sentence structure and word choice a bit. You refer to him as powerful twice in one paragraph; just explore a little.

Well, that aside, I find this interesting, though I really don't understand why he's telling his wife and kid that he's moving on, or why he's going to look or Sagaeras' sword; but mostly why he's going to be a hero again.

I've no problems with his name, but it is reminiscent of Kal'Thealas, and some people have already been confused, as the other reveiws show.

I hope to see more from you soon. Keep writing as you can! If you'd ever like advice or just to share ideas, I'm avaiable.

Respectfully,

A.C.

"Watashi"
1/16/2012 c1 3KillingEdge
Overall good start, despite the aforementioned grammatical issues. A few pointers:
1/8/2012 c1 3Darkwysper
Hey Adamson93! As requested, here I am. After reading your story, I find myself intrigued. The plot seems fairly clear except for his reasoning behind the actual seeking of the weapon. And of course how he knew of Sargeras, since he is a Titan and not exactly a name that comes up on easy conversation. Also, his last name? Sunstrider is the last name of the Royal bloodline to the throne of Silvermoon City. And Tyrannus sounds a little exotic as well. Is he a human? I'm assuming he is from the description given but the name is a bit misleading. There are a few grammar mistakes, and at times you've misplaced the correct word. For instance "see that the fire was completly surrounded in fire". But in all, you are starting a fine and interesting story here. Perhaps try lengthening the chapters, and adding in a bit more setting and background to let the readers grow closer to the lead character. When we can empathize with the characters, then we can enjoy the story more, for it seems more real to us. :) Thanks for the story, it is promising and I will look forward to more from you!
1/7/2012 c1 20starshock1995
Well, a few grammar slips here and there, but otherwise, a good story, and I hope you enjoyed writing it.
1/5/2012 c1 20coincidencless
Interesting idea, and good lack of mistakes. Nice to see someone going after Sargeras's sword, which should be the first and last Artifact in WoW.
1/5/2012 c1 43White Phantom
I thought this was an interesting start to the story, though I do have a few pointers/questions.

Before that though, I liked the little details you use to help pull the reader into what's happening and I like the way you introduce us to the character and then show us how he's changed. I was a little confused about what his inspiration for pulling out his old gear was, but hopefully that'll come up in later chapters. A little mystery is always fun.

On to punctuation: When it's just a sentence in quotes, you want to put the period inside the quotation marks. ex. "Just go. I can't leave this place."

If it's followed by non spoken text, put a comma before the second quotation mark. ex. "Tyrannus, come here quick," shouted the guard.

Some of your writing gets a little repetitive, but that could easily be fixed by varying your sentence structures so that they don't all start with nouns. Start a few with participial phrases, like, "Rushing up the stairs..." or "Gasping as the floor gave way..." You don't want to use them too often, but from time to time, they're good for throwing the reader into the action.

My one real question was why his last name is Sunstrider? I instantly think of Kael'thas and elves when I hear that name.

Overall, I think this is an interesting story and I look forward to reading more! :)
1/5/2012 c1 Anon
I like this, it's powerful, well written :) I hope to read more soon. I just have one question, I assume from what I've read that Tyrannus is a human, but why the last name Sunstrider?

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