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1/15/2012 c1 BrunetteInvader
You need to work on your grammer.

First, pick ONE tense, past or present tense.

Also dialogue should ONLY be inside quotations. For example, the correct way is:

"Sit down" Iruka sighed. "And start reading."

The way you wrote was:

"Sit down Iruka sighed. and start reading."

See how the proper way didn't included 'Iruka sighed' inside the quotations.

Also, make sure your story makes sense.

For example I saw:

Naruto take off his hoodie.

The grammatically correct way could be written in two ways:

(past tense) Naruto TOOK off his hoodie.

OR

(present tense) Naruto TAKES off his hoodie.

Anyways I didn't read much. The summary looked promising, but the summary kinda differed from the story. How Sasuke loved Naruto right away. I expected Sasuke and Naruto to only see each other around in high school, then meet in University due to some circumstances. But if Sasuke already likes Naruto, of course he will try his moves, at every chance.

But, I will glady read your story once you have edited it. :D
1/10/2012 c1 Eva-Carsel
Aaaah, the grammar...It hurts. You should get someone to beta your story. That way it will be easier to follow. Also, I think your ruched your plot a few times. Other than that, it was a fine story.
1/7/2012 c3 6DarkSnow-RowanTaylor
it was very hard to follow, the plot was all over the place. I did however enjoy the idea and mind-set behind this story.

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