for Slavery to the blood3/20/2017 c1 letesummer
I really like where you heading and excited about the plot. It's very unfortunate that you didn't use a spell checker or whatever. Without periods and commas separating the sentences, it's very hard to read. I agree with my fellow reviewers that if you use more punctuation it would be better. This little problem is unfair to your beautiful story.
I really like where you heading and excited about the plot. It's very unfortunate that you didn't use a spell checker or whatever. Without periods and commas separating the sentences, it's very hard to read. I agree with my fellow reviewers that if you use more punctuation it would be better. This little problem is unfair to your beautiful story.
2/5/2014 c1 georgiasuzy
I really liked your story and the plotline with Eric as the King of NYC, Sookie coming into full Fairy power with Eric's training (and blood), and falling for Eric despite his creepy kidnapper behavior. You said it was a one-shot with the POTENTIAL to be more; I'd really love to see you carry on with it. I want so badly to read good stories with Eric and Sookie HEA and am willing to proofread for you and clean up the punctuation etc so it's easier for folks to read if you'd like me to. I'm great at that but not creative enough to come up with a story like you've done. Whatever you decide, don't give up on writing. Feel free to PM me if you'd like some free proofing help. Thanks for sharing your light!
I really liked your story and the plotline with Eric as the King of NYC, Sookie coming into full Fairy power with Eric's training (and blood), and falling for Eric despite his creepy kidnapper behavior. You said it was a one-shot with the POTENTIAL to be more; I'd really love to see you carry on with it. I want so badly to read good stories with Eric and Sookie HEA and am willing to proofread for you and clean up the punctuation etc so it's easier for folks to read if you'd like me to. I'm great at that but not creative enough to come up with a story like you've done. Whatever you decide, don't give up on writing. Feel free to PM me if you'd like some free proofing help. Thanks for sharing your light!
10/6/2012 c1 
12DemiWroteThis
Hey, I came by to read some of your stories since you're always reading mine. The concept is nice, I wouldn't mind getting kidnapped by Eric myself lol. But I couldn't really read it well because it's all very squished together. Overall I'll be looking forward to your chapter Joanne. :)
12DemiWroteThisHey, I came by to read some of your stories since you're always reading mine. The concept is nice, I wouldn't mind getting kidnapped by Eric myself lol. But I couldn't really read it well because it's all very squished together. Overall I'll be looking forward to your chapter Joanne. :)
2/7/2012 c1 1camp30
I definitively like the direction this is going in. You have potential. Dark and sexy but it was a struggle to read without periods. I appreciate the comment at the end in regards to me and I'm happy that I could encourage you:)
I love that it's set in New York (how different)! I love the vulgar dark language you've used with Eric. May I suggest getting a beta?
Trust me I know what it was like when I put my first story up. I didn't even know the difference between "Your, and "You're". It was just a mess. Luckily people still saw potential in my work and I can see from your reviews that the same is true of you. Keep striving and always try new things. Take Care Camp30
1camp30I definitively like the direction this is going in. You have potential. Dark and sexy but it was a struggle to read without periods. I appreciate the comment at the end in regards to me and I'm happy that I could encourage you:)
I love that it's set in New York (how different)! I love the vulgar dark language you've used with Eric. May I suggest getting a beta?
Trust me I know what it was like when I put my first story up. I didn't even know the difference between "Your, and "You're". It was just a mess. Luckily people still saw potential in my work and I can see from your reviews that the same is true of you. Keep striving and always try new things. Take Care Camp30
1/14/2012 c1 Ericsmine
This has potential but it's very hard to read.Maybe if you try breaking it up.
This has potential but it's very hard to read.Maybe if you try breaking it up.
1/10/2012 c1 sluggysmom
The story is actually pretty good - it would be a lot better with a beta to help you with getting it across. I do hope you continue. :)
The story is actually pretty good - it would be a lot better with a beta to help you with getting it across. I do hope you continue. :)
1/10/2012 c1 Jo
Looks like you missed your period... a lot of them. You may have a good story somewhere in here, but it is incredibly difficult to read. In the absence of punctuation or proper sentence structure, your story gets lost. You need a good beta reader to help you with this so you can find your voice in the written word.
A few story critiques:
Did Sookie just graduate with an undergraduate degree as implied by the introduction, or did she just complete a law degree, which is a post-graduate degree that takes roughly three additional years beyond the bachelor's degree? You should be consistent with this.
Sookie is fluent in 16 languages because she has a law degree? I think not. It could be reasonable that she would understand maybe one or two other languages, but 16?
Here's a thought for you. I looked at your profile and say that you are in your 30s. Nothing like the moment for expanding your horizons. Is there a local college that has continuing education classes? Take a creative writing class and be open to learning and getting critiques from your instructor. That would be the most effective way to find your written voice.
Good luck to you m'dear!
Looks like you missed your period... a lot of them. You may have a good story somewhere in here, but it is incredibly difficult to read. In the absence of punctuation or proper sentence structure, your story gets lost. You need a good beta reader to help you with this so you can find your voice in the written word.
A few story critiques:
Did Sookie just graduate with an undergraduate degree as implied by the introduction, or did she just complete a law degree, which is a post-graduate degree that takes roughly three additional years beyond the bachelor's degree? You should be consistent with this.
Sookie is fluent in 16 languages because she has a law degree? I think not. It could be reasonable that she would understand maybe one or two other languages, but 16?
Here's a thought for you. I looked at your profile and say that you are in your 30s. Nothing like the moment for expanding your horizons. Is there a local college that has continuing education classes? Take a creative writing class and be open to learning and getting critiques from your instructor. That would be the most effective way to find your written voice.
Good luck to you m'dear!