9/22/2013 c1 bloodsucker
your awsome your the best please write more cool kat

2/6/2012 c1 14Zio Uchiha
Hey! Not bad for your first story! I do have a little constructive criticism if you don't mind though.

While, this was just a one-shot and a lemon I understand that you couldn't really develop too much emotion before getting to the lemon, but all the same I feel it was kind of rushed. Perhaps, you should have tried having them talk about the break-up first. That way, it would at least give some time for Matt to be emotionally dependent on Mimi making everything a bit more believable.

As for the actual lemon part, not as descriptive as some others, but I think you did do a good job overall. I loved the part about Mimi digging her nails into his back.

All around though, good job! Lemons can be tricky to write, and especially considering this was your first story you did a really solid job! I noticed a few grammar mistakes, and stuff like that, but who doesn't have them? Lol. Be proud of what you've written and keep writing!

2/4/2012 c1 Ilovemattishida
Too hot! This was amazing!

Yeah this was not the best lemon. I've read many before which are too much intimate. But you've done a great job!