for Sacrificial Second Chance1/14/2018 c4 Guest
People don’t change this quickly you should of had him make it more gradual so as not to arouse suspicion
People don’t change this quickly you should of had him make it more gradual so as not to arouse suspicion
1/4/2018 c18 Guest
My brain has melted with all the contradictions of this story. You claim that in this story, harry is smart, but he is easily hit by a spell, casted by a student, from behind. That he is mature, but easily over reacts to malfoy instead of thinking and planning of all the ways he could get back at him, like pranking to rip apart his so called “pride” brick-by-brick. That he has the traits of a slytherin yet he is easily outmanuevered by the simplest of things and doesn’t plan long term.
Honestly, the only thing this guys has going for him is being charming, courageous, and funny but that’s it. If you were looking for a “has all the plans from a to z”, calm, cool, and collected, badass mc, I suggest you look somewhere else.
My brain has melted with all the contradictions of this story. You claim that in this story, harry is smart, but he is easily hit by a spell, casted by a student, from behind. That he is mature, but easily over reacts to malfoy instead of thinking and planning of all the ways he could get back at him, like pranking to rip apart his so called “pride” brick-by-brick. That he has the traits of a slytherin yet he is easily outmanuevered by the simplest of things and doesn’t plan long term.
Honestly, the only thing this guys has going for him is being charming, courageous, and funny but that’s it. If you were looking for a “has all the plans from a to z”, calm, cool, and collected, badass mc, I suggest you look somewhere else.
12/12/2017 c19 Hmm Part 2
You know,... I forgot something.
The ending to this chapter, which cemented the end of the story for many. Do you know the theory that you should never interact with yourself when it comes to time travel? I mean,... it's blatantly discussed in the HP stories, so you should have some knowledge of it.
And yet, you have a second Harry talking to Harry about what Harry should do,... face to face,...
Just another way you threw out your chances of calling this a Harry Potter Story.
You know,... I forgot something.
The ending to this chapter, which cemented the end of the story for many. Do you know the theory that you should never interact with yourself when it comes to time travel? I mean,... it's blatantly discussed in the HP stories, so you should have some knowledge of it.
And yet, you have a second Harry talking to Harry about what Harry should do,... face to face,...
Just another way you threw out your chances of calling this a Harry Potter Story.
12/12/2017 c19 Hmm
I'm sure you've heard this before,... but sadly this chapter alone ruined this story for me. I was having a blast reading the cutesy take on a new world, even when you tried to throw in the angst and anger where it just didn't fit well. Then,... THIS,... this trash of a chapter. It set everything you had up, and threw it all away.
You claimed Harry was smart,... as well as he should be considering he has YEARS of experience beyond the rest of them. Then you allow him to enter all but SLAVERY,...
Do you not remember that Harry Potter is the slayer of Voldemort, the chosen of Karma and supposedly has a powerful gift? Where the hell is THAT Harry Potter? All I see,... is that you've taken Draco Malfoy and Ron Weasely and called them Harry Potter.
Good luck,... but this is my abandon ship review.
I'm sure you've heard this before,... but sadly this chapter alone ruined this story for me. I was having a blast reading the cutesy take on a new world, even when you tried to throw in the angst and anger where it just didn't fit well. Then,... THIS,... this trash of a chapter. It set everything you had up, and threw it all away.
You claimed Harry was smart,... as well as he should be considering he has YEARS of experience beyond the rest of them. Then you allow him to enter all but SLAVERY,...
Do you not remember that Harry Potter is the slayer of Voldemort, the chosen of Karma and supposedly has a powerful gift? Where the hell is THAT Harry Potter? All I see,... is that you've taken Draco Malfoy and Ron Weasely and called them Harry Potter.
Good luck,... but this is my abandon ship review.
12/11/2017 c25 Guest
PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE UPDATE!
I know you haven't bothered to update for years, but come the fuck on, if you're going to abandon a story, at least mention it in the description or an authors note or something. At the very least don't leave it at a cliffhanger.
Regardless, love the story, fantastic writing
PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE UPDATE!
I know you haven't bothered to update for years, but come the fuck on, if you're going to abandon a story, at least mention it in the description or an authors note or something. At the very least don't leave it at a cliffhanger.
Regardless, love the story, fantastic writing
12/11/2017 c11 Hold777
I read another fanfic, where someone made a spell that did the same as papiliones, he used it to defend against crucio and the killing curse, is that also possible for your version?
I read another fanfic, where someone made a spell that did the same as papiliones, he used it to defend against crucio and the killing curse, is that also possible for your version?
11/30/2017 c25 Nytefyre
The events are relayed in an excellent and engrossing manner; however, a little more copyediting would help the fiction overall. Despite that, the quality of the writing has improved over the course of the story.
Unfortunately, based on the dates of the last update, this story seems to have been abandoned.
I would've loved to read more.
Thanks for writing and sharing.
The events are relayed in an excellent and engrossing manner; however, a little more copyediting would help the fiction overall. Despite that, the quality of the writing has improved over the course of the story.
Unfortunately, based on the dates of the last update, this story seems to have been abandoned.
I would've loved to read more.
Thanks for writing and sharing.
11/30/2017 c2 david.teague.3950
If it weren't for the fact that the poll is over and the story possibly abandoned, I'd suggest giving Gabby the Serafall Leviathan make over. That is to say, a Loli with big breasts.
If it weren't for the fact that the poll is over and the story possibly abandoned, I'd suggest giving Gabby the Serafall Leviathan make over. That is to say, a Loli with big breasts.
11/25/2017 c25 
1Somanjeese
I truly wish you eventually get back to this story. One of the best ive ever read, and ive read alot. All the best to you though, i wish you luck with whatever it is youre doing sir/ma'am.
1SomanjeeseI truly wish you eventually get back to this story. One of the best ive ever read, and ive read alot. All the best to you though, i wish you luck with whatever it is youre doing sir/ma'am.
11/21/2017 c25 1DarwinAGS
Cliffys are great! I can't wait for the next chapter. People should only get annoyed at cliffhangers when they are rubbish, which this is most certainly not. I honestly think you're an amazing writer. Keep up the good work! (I get the CBA thing you've got. I love writing but I never can be bothered to do it. Even so, I reckon you update quicker than I do!)
1DarwinAGSCliffys are great! I can't wait for the next chapter. People should only get annoyed at cliffhangers when they are rubbish, which this is most certainly not. I honestly think you're an amazing writer. Keep up the good work! (I get the CBA thing you've got. I love writing but I never can be bothered to do it. Even so, I reckon you update quicker than I do!)
11/2/2017 c1 Squarekiddo
Its a sad day when a chapter has been through a Beta but several cases of "Harries" abundant.
I personally couldnt care less, I understand exactly what youre trying to say with that, but it wont matter to the people who simple like to point things like this out, like me.
The beauty of having such simple hobbies really, are that it dosnt actually matter if my own grammar and spelling is correct, Im not trying to post my own story.
Its a sad day when a chapter has been through a Beta but several cases of "Harries" abundant.
I personally couldnt care less, I understand exactly what youre trying to say with that, but it wont matter to the people who simple like to point things like this out, like me.
The beauty of having such simple hobbies really, are that it dosnt actually matter if my own grammar and spelling is correct, Im not trying to post my own story.
10/23/2017 c3 InfernoItaliano
I always get annoyed when "gods" get on Harry's case fro not being "a better student". think how ridiculous that sounds for us. We are all still human even if their wizards and for a god to talk about how well they did in school seems utterly ridiculous. Especially because Harry's always like "Oh I'm so sorry and so ashamed I'll do better". Like recognize you did poorly in school but tell the god to fuck off because really? You're a god and all you got to say about me is for my poor schoolwork from the ages of 11-17?
I always get annoyed when "gods" get on Harry's case fro not being "a better student". think how ridiculous that sounds for us. We are all still human even if their wizards and for a god to talk about how well they did in school seems utterly ridiculous. Especially because Harry's always like "Oh I'm so sorry and so ashamed I'll do better". Like recognize you did poorly in school but tell the god to fuck off because really? You're a god and all you got to say about me is for my poor schoolwork from the ages of 11-17?
10/16/2017 c25 Caincrux
Man this was totally interesting. Up right until you played with secret organizations and such.
Man this was totally interesting. Up right until you played with secret organizations and such.
10/16/2017 c1 avidreaderomega
Great story so far however. Very very interesting. Wish you had kept going.
Great story so far however. Very very interesting. Wish you had kept going.