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7/18/2012 c2 Guest
good
7/12/2012 c2 Devinterry
I like dis a lot. Continue plz?
7/7/2012 c2 Guest
KEEP GOING PLZ!ITS REALLY AWESOME I MEAN IT! CONTINUE PLZ!ILL REVIEW ALOT TILL THEN!
5/9/2012 c2 10Clove the girl with knives 59
GOOD STORY!
3/15/2012 c2 13Skelebae
Please finish Chap 3. Soon!
2/8/2012 c2 ellie0wicklow
Can I beta this? Here's how you set it up:

After you sign in, you know that page where you update your profile and stories and whatnot? Along the side is a list, including 'Account,' 'Publish,' 'Forums,' 'Communities,' 'Story Stats,' and 'DocX.' Click on DocX, then 'Connections.' Put in my ID (The number at the top of my profile.) or my penname. I forget which one. After I agree to the connection, you can send me the documents of your first two chapters. I'll edit them and send them back, and you can repost them. You can also send me your new chapters before you post them.
2/8/2012 c1 ellie0wicklow
/I was used to tornado warnings and watches here in Kansas, they were natural to me./ Comma use. After Kansas it should be a period.

/Well, that's what I used to think until, a devastating tornado hit our small town in Kansas but, I'm speaking way too fast, let's take it back a bit, shall we?/ Should be 'Well, that was what I used to think, before a devastating tornado hit our small town in Kansas. But I'm speaking way too fast. Let's take it back a bit, shall we?'

/It was a sunny, warm summer day, the kind that everybody enjoyed. I enjoyed.../ It's a bit repetitive with the 'enjoy's. How about 'I soaked up the warm weather...'?

/...the warm weather kindly by the pool; my dad was a surgeon and my mom, a lawyer, so we had a mansion!/ First off, how do you kindly enjoy something. Did you mean happily? Greedily? Serenely? Also, the exclamation point is a bit awkward there.

/I didn't get to spend much of my time with them because they're always working but, I didn't mind, I knew that they had to work because both of their jobs are important./ More commas. None after 'but,' and a period after 'mind.'

/"There was one yesterday and no crap happened. I don't care!" I said, sternly./ No comma after 'said.'

/"You know… you're a very… negative… person." Sonic said in between jumps,.../ Period, not comma after 'jumps.'

/"I'm not negative; I'm just negative towards you." I said then, I got up took my lemonade and went inside to the kitchen./ The comma should be before 'then,' not after it.

/'There is not going to be a tornado it's totally just like all the others, nothing is going to happen.' I assured myself./ Period after 'tornado.' Period after 'others.' Comma instead of period after 'happen.'

/I didn't do much with my day, I did a little web surfing, listened to some music, and practically stayed inside./ Semicolon (;) or period after 'day.'

/It was around six o'clock when a storm rolled around, a few growls of thunder some flashes of lightning, nothing too scary./ Comma after 'thunder.'

/I really didn't mind, the rest of my night carried on without any hassle so, I just fell asleep around eleven./ Should be 'I really didn't mind/care, so the rest of my night carried on without event/any hassle and I just fell asleep around eleven.'

/It was five o'clock in the morning when the tornado touched the ground, my dad got me out up and my parents and I went to the storm cellar. The wind growled, the thunder crackled, and we heard trees fall, it was a hot mess!/ Period after 'ground.' Period after 'fall.' The exclamation is good here, though.

/It was about an hour until the whole storm actually passed, we got up from the storm cellar and took a look around, thank goodness our house wasn't damaged at all but, some of our neighbors were./ Period or ',and' after 'passed.' Period after 'around.' No comma after 'but.'

/I went inside my house along with my parents; we turned on to the news and listened to the reports./ 'We turned on to' should be either 'We turned to' or 'We turned on.'

/Many reports on the death toll and tragic stories of families covered the many different stations, nothing exciting at all./ Like the sarcasm here. :)

/My parents turned the radio off and then got together some things to donate like, water and canned food./ No comma after 'like.'

/I looked around, and then outside my window, I noticed all the families, again and wished I could help them all, the problem was, I couldn't./ Should be 'I looked around, and then outside my window, noticing all the families. Again I wished I could help them all. The problem was, I couldn't.'

/I traveled downstairs and answered the door./ Traveled doesn't quite seem like the right verb here. Maybe 'tromped,' 'slunk,' or 'dragged my feet down the stairs.'

Those were a lot of edits, so it might seem really critical of me. Actually, I love this! Update soon!
2/6/2012 c1 Reallyproud458
LOVE IT! Can't wait for the next chapter!

PLEASE CONTINUE OR I WILL BREAK MY IPOD!
2/6/2012 c1 Reallyproud458
LOVE IT! Can't wait for the next chapter!

PLEASE CONTINUE OR I WILL BREAK MY IPOD!
2/6/2012 c1 2Romantic Person
Hey, I love it! ^_^

The idea is quiet pretty, I`m excited :)

Also, I was a bit surprised how Amy talked to Sonic, it was a bit rude but funny, I think it can figure out in a very nice story ;)

Can`t wait for another chap, I wanna know what will happen *_*

Keep writing and update as soon as you can :)

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