for A Price To Pay2/24/2012 c1 i-Spit-on-Fire
I love those twins! I can't find anything wrong with this, except that there is only one chapter.
I love those twins! I can't find anything wrong with this, except that there is only one chapter.
2/23/2012 c1 
4cb.spica
The game that the twins play with the maid is creepy xD
But anyways, I think this is a pretty good start~ I think you could have done more in describing their physical pain over losing their limbs though, considering that most people would be writhing in pain if they so much as lost a finger let alone a whole limb, and they'd also be somewhat lightheaded from bloodloss.
Other than that though, I like Kyoko and Shizuki's personalities, and I wonder what sort of story you'll weave ;) I'm curious about this chimera they made~
As for OOC, I haven't really seen enough of the canon characters to decide. I don't think you're moving too fast or that it's confusing. I'm not sure I like the way that the twins say the same thing that Ed says to Roze at the beginning of the chapter though. I would prefer, I think, if they said it in their own way or if you came up with something entirely original for them to say because otherwise it seems like they're copying Ed.
Nice chapter~ Good luck with this story! ;D
4cb.spicaThe game that the twins play with the maid is creepy xD
But anyways, I think this is a pretty good start~ I think you could have done more in describing their physical pain over losing their limbs though, considering that most people would be writhing in pain if they so much as lost a finger let alone a whole limb, and they'd also be somewhat lightheaded from bloodloss.
Other than that though, I like Kyoko and Shizuki's personalities, and I wonder what sort of story you'll weave ;) I'm curious about this chimera they made~
As for OOC, I haven't really seen enough of the canon characters to decide. I don't think you're moving too fast or that it's confusing. I'm not sure I like the way that the twins say the same thing that Ed says to Roze at the beginning of the chapter though. I would prefer, I think, if they said it in their own way or if you came up with something entirely original for them to say because otherwise it seems like they're copying Ed.
Nice chapter~ Good luck with this story! ;D