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for The Wizard Ashikabi

1/13 c3 Lord.Raven6
i know that this stroy is old and unlikely to even be reading this but it has too many plotholes and cringe for me to keep reading, sorry.
12/28/2021 c10 ManticoreBlues
would love to see this continued
12/2/2021 c11 HairyLimey
AGHHHHHHHH why oh why are the good ones abandoned!? (proceeds to beat head against wall) and on a border line cliffy! (returns to head butting wall)
10/6/2021 c11 2HP-DG-AP-PN-RG-NR
This is a fantastic story so far. I wish there was more to read.
9/17/2021 c1 1fluffy-fanfic-lover
is this story dead?
8/7/2021 c11 Eriktheviking70
An engrossing story.
8/6/2021 c2 xalmasyz
Too many plothole and cringey. You need to understand when you write character talk to a person, imagine yourself talking to a stranger. For example let say you have more money and you are talking with stranger who have gun/sword then you tell them where you put your money and how to obtain it. It is the same comparison of your story. Remember when you are writing dialogue, imagine yourself become the character and doing it. Is it logical? Did they have common sense? Like that
8/4/2021 c10 MattBlack
LOL seriously, think about this... Takami was a working adult 20 years ago, with a doctor's degree that should put her at around 30 yo at the time... The sekirei was kids when coming out of cryo, I'd guess somewhere between 5-10 yo, using Ku as a guesstimated average. Seems like Minato bonding Ku at 7 is something that runs in the family, a pedo bloodline, since Takami is Homuras old lover...
3/26/2021 c10 kingkk
This is very well written. I hope you come back to this story someday.
2/8/2021 c3 darthkratos24
I'm still having problems with your last chapter and the fact you've got Harry spilling his life story to a girl because she's cute and he wants to know her?
What the fuck!
That makes no sense what so ever you've litarely just told the most bloodthirsty one out of them all
"Oh hay look at me if I die it'll be months before someone notices!"
That's not going to make her suddenly like or trust him if anything that'd make her want to kill him more for showing such a fucking weakness to a utter stranger!
2/8/2021 c2 darthkratos24
I'm not even half way through this and already having issues or "stupid points" as I call them

One of he's just going to mind wipe people why the hell prove he's a wizard with a freaking translation spell? Why not turn the bloody table into a dog or something that's really make her go "oh shit magic" not go "eh could be a mind trick still"

Two he doesn't want to share his life story and talk about how he was betrayed but then instantly goes to "so my parents were murdered" what? From what you've made him out to be that'd be far more personal to him then "some bitch wanted my money I said no and was kicked out"
2/8/2021 c1 darthkratos24
I know you're probably not going to see this from a long dead and burried story but I had to say, number 4(can't remember her name) doesn't use a "long katana" there's no such thing if I remember correctly she uses a nodachi which was designed for use on horse back. Don't know if you put him calling it a "long katana" as Harry not knowing or you just didn't know
12/29/2020 c11 Guest
I was honestly disappointed that this ended so abruptly. I was so looking forward to a scene of Musubi Vs Yume, (with Harry right there), smack dab in the middle. Oh well, it was wonderful while it lasted.
- SS V-King, Over and Out
12/9/2020 c11 AnthonyR89
...why bother lying about MBI searching the place? it would be completely in character for Miya to either beat the shit out of them or just flat out kill them.
12/9/2020 c10 AnthonyR89
also, while tracking down the sekirei on the hit list makes sense, wouldn't it be simpler to just kill Higa, first? seriously, fuck that guy.

wouldn't be all that hard for Harry to sneak into Higa's bedroom while he was sleeping and cut his head off or slit his throat.

Minaka might have actual magical security, but i doubt Higa does.
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