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3/31 c18 Lonewolf1836
I like your story but as others have said its all over the place and your character not sure feels like you left her behind and there was no development on her. Most stories I read were people turn into pokemon and start from the bottom grow over time and develop their background you had it right but something happen along the way and stopped I liked the war arc but red being introduced didn't make much sense as well garry basically became ash like from the anime that part is a bit weird but ok. I'm guessing this story has been cancelled sinse last updatr says 2017 I think.
11/3/2020 c1 1DemonWolf25
I'm interested to know more but I'm sad that this hasn't been updated in a while. It seems really good so far.
10/9/2020 c13 10PsylentFox
I really want to like this story, but it just doesn't feel like it's going absolutely anywhere. MC is the most useless MC I've seen in a while, mainly because she shows absolutely zero development. Even months and months after her arrival she is virtually just as useless as when she arrived.

Secondly, what is with her mindset? She *chose* to be a pokemon? As in - "Becoming a pokemon sure sounds exciting! Lets do it!" It doesn't make any damn sense from the human perspective, and despite being a "pokemon fan" she doesn't apply any of her knowledge to better her situation. That an her general lack of knowledge about anything is just disheartening. Also she chose to become a pokemon, despite knowing that her whole job is to get fucked up at the behest of a bunch of 10 year old children, and then once she's in it she shies away like a freaking coward.

Where is her resolve? She's had literally months to get off her ass and do *something* and yet she's only managed to run away, time and time, and time again. She's a dumb shounen anime protagonist with none of the redeeming features.

The problems above aside, the chapters are filled with... well... filler- the writing loops around to recap the info-dump that was just thrust onto the reader, and it gets extremely tedious. I point this out because I have a fairly bad problem with being info-dumpy as well in my writing- I don't know where MC got her information on the various pokemon classes considering someone as clueless as her wouldn't know about it in the first place, and I don't need three pages describing berries and the good ones vs the bad ones, how they are identified as poisonous, etc. When you dump info like that from the narrative perspective it is assumed that this knowledge is something the MC has learned or is currently learning. So when I read that whole berry deal I was astonished to find out that the MC had eaten a poisoned berry and almost died!

That and the details between the Pidgey and Spearrows was just too much. "Pidgey and Spearrow don't like each other because they compete territorially and the Spearrows are bullies so everyone teams up to take them on whenever they are found." Done. Going all "Saving Private Pikachu" with the Spearrows is a bit much, especially considering this won't have any relevance down the line in a narrative sense.

Combine all of that with the constant POV changes it makes for a very exhausting read.

I will say that your writing (when it isn't circling back on itself) is pretty crisp for something that isn't beta read, and the overall characterizations are pretty interesting to read. However, it does raise some doubt about Arceus' judgement in picking such a lack-luster MC, and Mew, despite being a stupidly powerful psychic with a big brain makes some of the stupidest decisions possible. The fact that the narrative points it out is a double whammy against the fourth strongest Legendary and Mother of all Pokemon- yes she's prone to bouts of random fancy, and yes she's playful, but stupid she ain't.

I love the premise for this story- human gets turned into a pokemon and become's Ash's new friend- is something that is pretty unique considering most MC's who're aware of Ash's role in the world typically avoid him like the plague. The ones that don't are there for the challenge that hanging around him brings and to test themselves. A funny perspective would be for a human who doesn't want to be anywhere near Ash to be his partner- "Stuck with you."

I am going to stick around and read up to the latest chapter because I hope that the MC drops the idiot ball from her mouth and actually becomes a decent character... however I'm getting too many Jaune Arc (God I hate that guy) vibes from all of this...
5/8/2020 c3 Gullwingyunie
The brainwashing thing is beyond bad and the story would be better served if you removed it and just had her panic about being stuck in a dark confined space.
4/8/2020 c16 Guest
This is going just a bit too far towards that flaming ball of negativity route normally you dont throw in a last boss level threat into a story this early. I'm just gonna stop here I really liked this novel till the whole 4000 birds attack thing.
12/22/2019 c18 Nova
M8 don't hate. Appreciate.
11/21/2019 c15 YR06
You waste three chapters for the event that should have ended in 15 minutes.
11/21/2019 c14 YR06
You write shit, you shouldn't write fanfiction
4/9/2019 c2 Guest
“Do you have a name little one?” YEAH, like a NEWBORN would have a name after she JUST HATCHED!
3/14/2019 c12 2AnimeFreak347
… did you just tell me that Pikachu tried to murder Ash (according to your rules)

… then again, he was an asshole.
2/20/2019 c17 BabyGrootTheEpic
"Even more birds!"

12/30/2018 c17 EeveeTheImmortal
I'm up from my nap lol

I went on a year long break from Pokemon fanfiction and this is the last story i read before that lol
4/25/2018 c18 ElTernera
I need MOAR
1/16/2018 c18 Heroaki
I like it without the text just slightly more and also love this i was worried it was abandoned
1/12/2018 c18 13creativesm75
very good
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