
3/27/2012 c10
11Blue is the New Red
I used to say "read and be happy" I wonder why I stopped that...
Anyways, not bad for your first battle. The one thing I would suggest is to try to keep everyone a little more in character, they seemed a little OOC.
But otherwise, cool stuff, can't wait to see what you do next.
Oh, and someone should come up with a name for the shipping between Gavin and Dawn. :P
The Shiny Gengar

I used to say "read and be happy" I wonder why I stopped that...
Anyways, not bad for your first battle. The one thing I would suggest is to try to keep everyone a little more in character, they seemed a little OOC.
But otherwise, cool stuff, can't wait to see what you do next.
Oh, and someone should come up with a name for the shipping between Gavin and Dawn. :P
The Shiny Gengar
3/26/2012 c10
1gregonator1
Sorry I kinda fell behind but here's my review. I CALLED IT! Look back at my review for chapter 2, I knew that Gavin was gonna be used in this fic. Great chapter and there should be a shipping name for GavinxDawn.

Sorry I kinda fell behind but here's my review. I CALLED IT! Look back at my review for chapter 2, I knew that Gavin was gonna be used in this fic. Great chapter and there should be a shipping name for GavinxDawn.
3/26/2012 c10
5PichuAuraGuardian18
AWESOME chapter! And not just because my OC's in it! Well, that does add to the awesomeness of it, though. Can't wait to see where this goes. As for if you got my OC's character right, you did pretty well. In my story, he's a bit more serious, but in this story, I think that the way that you wrote him works great! Keep up the great work! Update soon!

AWESOME chapter! And not just because my OC's in it! Well, that does add to the awesomeness of it, though. Can't wait to see where this goes. As for if you got my OC's character right, you did pretty well. In my story, he's a bit more serious, but in this story, I think that the way that you wrote him works great! Keep up the great work! Update soon!
3/24/2012 c9 PichuAuraGuardian18
Great battle so far! I really can't wait to see what you do next chapter! Update soon!
Great battle so far! I really can't wait to see what you do next chapter! Update soon!
3/24/2012 c8
11Blue is the New Red
So you're using Gavin, huh? Interesting, you must really like League of Ultimates. :)

So you're using Gavin, huh? Interesting, you must really like League of Ultimates. :)
3/24/2012 c8
5PichuAuraGuardian18
Oh, now I definitely can't wait for the next chapter! This was an awesome chapter, and I know that the next one will be even better! Oh, and I hope that you got all of those PMs that I sent last night!

Oh, now I definitely can't wait for the next chapter! This was an awesome chapter, and I know that the next one will be even better! Oh, and I hope that you got all of those PMs that I sent last night!
3/23/2012 c7
11Blue is the New Red
Stick with third person, it's easier to work with and you seem to write better in third person.
The other I would suggest is that you put quotes around speech, rather than have it in italics, it's a lot less confusing.
Otherwise, I'm interested to see what you come up with next.
The Shiny Gengar

Stick with third person, it's easier to work with and you seem to write better in third person.
The other I would suggest is that you put quotes around speech, rather than have it in italics, it's a lot less confusing.
Otherwise, I'm interested to see what you come up with next.
The Shiny Gengar
3/23/2012 c7
5PichuAuraGuardian18
I think it'll work either way. I've never been good at writing by POVs because it's especially hard for me to think in a girl's point-of-view. Great chapter, by the way. Also, I did notice all of the references to you-know-who! Can't wait for the next chapter! UPDATE SOON! I'm really getting into this story!

I think it'll work either way. I've never been good at writing by POVs because it's especially hard for me to think in a girl's point-of-view. Great chapter, by the way. Also, I did notice all of the references to you-know-who! Can't wait for the next chapter! UPDATE SOON! I'm really getting into this story!
3/13/2012 c5
9Itssupereffective
For a first fic it's going pretty good. If you got Pichu helping you then you'll be fine. Michael seems like a good OC so far, so I just say keep it up.

For a first fic it's going pretty good. If you got Pichu helping you then you'll be fine. Michael seems like a good OC so far, so I just say keep it up.
3/10/2012 c6
1gregonator1
Yeah updating everyday wouldn't really be smart for the reason you alreadt stated. But I'm really liking the longer chapters.

Yeah updating everyday wouldn't really be smart for the reason you alreadt stated. But I'm really liking the longer chapters.
3/9/2012 c6 dark knight
You are doing a great job writing this story. For an idea for this story you could have Drew, and Ash compete for May's heart during a new league compitition. Drew tries to force May to love him, while she and Ash are trying to tell the other one how they feel. You could try having May battle other girls to have a chance to be with Ash. Whether you use these ideas or not it is up to you just use your creativity to write.
You are doing a great job writing this story. For an idea for this story you could have Drew, and Ash compete for May's heart during a new league compitition. Drew tries to force May to love him, while she and Ash are trying to tell the other one how they feel. You could try having May battle other girls to have a chance to be with Ash. Whether you use these ideas or not it is up to you just use your creativity to write.
3/8/2012 c6
5PichuAuraGuardian18
Well, you know you can always ask me about anything. Anyways, I'd say that a battle probably needs to happen soon, and I can help you with that if you want. Probably we need a bit more of Ash and May because right now, Michael has been seen the most. Okay, if you need any help, feel free to ask!

Well, you know you can always ask me about anything. Anyways, I'd say that a battle probably needs to happen soon, and I can help you with that if you want. Probably we need a bit more of Ash and May because right now, Michael has been seen the most. Okay, if you need any help, feel free to ask!