for Elements of Surprise1/27/2019 c1 Elpatron1
sorry you guys need to come up with more , I prefer Harry x fleur fanfictions, they actually have a lot more in common than you think.
sorry you guys need to come up with more , I prefer Harry x fleur fanfictions, they actually have a lot more in common than you think.
43/7/2012 c1 Dan
Your readers would benefit greatly from a beta reader, because I have a hard time keeping my mind on the story. I am constantly getting distracted by regular small errors, that wouldn't be much of an issue on their own, but taken together are a pain in my backside. Privite Drive, where (instead of were), snuggest, your (instead of you are = you're), dinning room are just those mistakes that immediately jumped out to me, but I suspect that there are more if one cared to look closer and keep an eye on your grammar as well.
There's not much, be it positive or negative, to say about the story itself yet. This first chapter is an introduction to a collection of cliches and with all of that in play, the story might go very well or it could be a spectacular failure.
Why am I still so undecided? Because this first chapter isn't the best it could be. You're a writer and your first chapter should be an introduction to a story everyone should want to read, it should be a strong recommendation to anyone that you're able to write high quality fiction. Instead, this first chapter does nothing of the sort, it's only reason for existence is to cram as much information as possible into the mind of your reader. So far there's nothing terribly new and that's my reason for remaining undecided about "Elements of Surprise".
If you want to become a successful (fanfiction) writer, please think about what you actually write. Many of those things you used in the first chapter are cliches, because they have been used successfully a few times. That was the beginning, but many more would-be writers have taken those ideas and made a mess of it ever since. I wish you the best of luck to avoid the pitfalls of other writers, doing a very similar thing.
Your readers would benefit greatly from a beta reader, because I have a hard time keeping my mind on the story. I am constantly getting distracted by regular small errors, that wouldn't be much of an issue on their own, but taken together are a pain in my backside. Privite Drive, where (instead of were), snuggest, your (instead of you are = you're), dinning room are just those mistakes that immediately jumped out to me, but I suspect that there are more if one cared to look closer and keep an eye on your grammar as well.
There's not much, be it positive or negative, to say about the story itself yet. This first chapter is an introduction to a collection of cliches and with all of that in play, the story might go very well or it could be a spectacular failure.
Why am I still so undecided? Because this first chapter isn't the best it could be. You're a writer and your first chapter should be an introduction to a story everyone should want to read, it should be a strong recommendation to anyone that you're able to write high quality fiction. Instead, this first chapter does nothing of the sort, it's only reason for existence is to cram as much information as possible into the mind of your reader. So far there's nothing terribly new and that's my reason for remaining undecided about "Elements of Surprise".
If you want to become a successful (fanfiction) writer, please think about what you actually write. Many of those things you used in the first chapter are cliches, because they have been used successfully a few times. That was the beginning, but many more would-be writers have taken those ideas and made a mess of it ever since. I wish you the best of luck to avoid the pitfalls of other writers, doing a very similar thing.