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3/12/2012 c1 12CookiesN'Cream124
I'm gonna be honest, I didn't read it all. I made it through about 3 paragraphs.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but you really need to spend more time on writing. Punctuation, grammar, and spelling are the most important things aside from the plot.

You never use the number '2' in place of the word 'too'. that mistake is in the first paragraph, and I almost stopped there.

CAPITALIZATION! You do okay with names, but there are a few times when you don't capitalize 'Grant'. And I didn't really see a single time when you capitalized the full name of a school. it isn't 'Blackthorn institute for troubled boys' it's 'Blackthorne Institute for Troubled Boys' and 'Mariana School for the Gifted'. You also need to watch the start of the sentences and the first words of a dialogue, because a lot of them aren't capitalized.

Puncuation is what really made me cringe. When you start a line of dialoque, you don't put it in the middle of the paragraph. You start a new one every time someone says something. I'm not even going to try to read the last paragraph. Ho. Ly. Hell.

Now, I'm honestly not trying to be mean. I'm just trying to make you a better writer, because from what I got out of your plot, it seemed like a pretty good idea. Some people just aren't good at the technicalities of writing, and if you're one of them, i strongly suggest getting a beta to go over your stories before you post them.

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