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12/26/2012 c12 43Curlscat
How old are Olivia and Chad?

Whoa whoa whoa. Sabrina's hearing voices?

I tried to read Wuthering Heights once. It was awful.

And... I had something else to say but forgot it due to Length of Chapter.
12/26/2012 c11 Curlscat
Lots of little mistakes here, but nothing major.

GOSH, you make me want some answers.
12/26/2012 c10 Curlscat
In answer to your QotD: One year I was a birthday present because someone gave someone else in my family a gift that came in a bag that was about three feet tall. It would have been a great present, except that we had to drive to the houses, and I couldn't sit while I was wearing my costume.

I liked this chapter, though, personally, I think it would be better if you made all your chapters a BIT shorter.

Another thing: I know you're Muslim, and I get that that means that names with middle-eastern origin are a lot more common for you than for me, but about two thirds of your named OCs have middle eastern names, and that's a bit of a really high ratio.
12/26/2012 c9 Curlscat
When Puck was thinking about how he didn't care about what that kid knew, you wrote 'naughta', which isn't a word, and you meant 'nada,' which is Spanish for nothing.

There were several other minor mistakes, but nothing you won't see for yourself if you go back and edit it.

I had some things to say about the beginning, but I forgot them.

I'm glad Daphne has the same problem with Daphnerseed that I do.
12/26/2012 c8 Curlscat
I didn't pick out any individual mistakes this chapter.

Yup, I definitely feel a plot building.

One thing, though: I feel like you've strayed from the original purpose of this story in giving it this plot. It's no longer about Puck dealing with reluctance to do something, it's just about the Grimms and some vague plotline that hasn't developed enough for me to know what it is yet, exactly.
12/26/2012 c7 Curlscat
You need commas here: " "I'm not a nanny! I don't take care of people! Do you hear me cruel world?" He shouted at no one in particular. " here: " The other man simply wiped the water from his face and vigorously shook his head. "I take it back. You're the same all right. But if one drop had landed on my coat, you'd be a dead man." " here: " "Yeah. And some Tylenol too, my head is aching. Oh, and a glass of water please." " here: " She rolled her eyes. "Thank you, Puck." Then she looked at her Uncle with a questioning look. "What are you doing here Uncle Jake? Last I heard you were in Istanbul." "

Here you have a word choice mistake: " He didn't have to say it. Puck knew. It may have been years since the Everafter War, but the Scarlet Hand had left scars that would never fade. " It ought to be 'might' instead of 'may,' because of tense.

And here " "This place." She leaned against him. "If Ferryport Landing alone can be so beautiful...how would the rest of the world look like?" ' it would sound better if you either cut out 'look like' or changed 'how' to 'what.'

Here " Jake smiled, but quickly turned serious again. "The reason I came here was to make sure none of the Grimm's get caught up in whatever magic is happening in New York. But now-and I can't believe I'm saying this- I'm trusting you with that job. Since you're such a 'mature' young man that shouldn't be hard." " you used 'Grimm's' instead of 'Grimms'.

Don't get me wrong, I loved this chapter (also I smell a plot forming. Is my nose lying to me?), but there were a lot of tiny issues, and one overall big one: a lot of your dialogue was kind of wordy and could stand to be whittled down some.
12/26/2012 c6 Curlscat
This sentence needs a comma between 'enter' and 'foul:' " Puck jumped back. It was her. "You don't have permission to enter foul beast. I am- man, stop giving me that look. You're freaking me out! What are you doing here?" "

I like his first poem.

You know, Puck, Sabrina's not really a romantic, either. And poetry isn't really a lot of people's things. You don't need to write her a poem to get her to like you. Try being NICE.

You need another comma between 'off' and 'Mr.' here: " "We expect our employees to not only be strong, dedicated workers, but to represent our company with the enthusiasm and passion that led us to hire them. That includes not snoozing off Mr. Goodfellow!" " Do you know why?

I'm going to guess you don't, because you need two here: " "I remind you Mr. Goodfellow that just because you have the favor of our respected president, does not mean you are exempt from the rules that apply to all of our workers!" Mr. Baring, the head of the staff, admonished him, " between 'you' and 'Mr.' and 'Goodfellow' and 'that.'

And one here " "Thanks for the support Mr. Boring!" Puck called after him. Then he turned to the newcomer. "You should probably know that I didn't ask for this. I don't like babysitting." " between 'support' and 'Mr.'

While I can see Puck not wanting to admit to Sabrina yet that he likes her, I feel like he'd be mature enough by now to admit it to someone else, even if he hasn't known them for very long, because they don't know SABRINA at all.
12/26/2012 c5 Curlscat
I like this so far.

This line needs some more commas: " "Oh, stop it. I didn't pick him or anyone else for that matter." " Between 'him' and 'or' and between 'else' and 'for,' would be nice.

Also, in this sentence, the word 'mirroring' doesn't make sense: " Sabrina looked offended and glanced at the giggling females with disdain, mirroring the two girls' joy. "

And in this one you mean assistaNT: " He tried working at McDonalds, Popeye's, even as a dentist's assistance. "

I like your choices of jobs for them. :) They fit very well, even if I have a hard time seeing Sabrina be patient enough to teach anybody anything.

If I were Sabrina, I wouldn't have hit him back, I'd have taken the car and left.
12/25/2012 c6 silverwombat
ahaha lol this was the funniest chapter. I loved it! I especially love the start, I was trying to work out if you had changed your writing style or something and why Puck and Sabrina were acting weird but then-yeah but Pucks reaction made me laugh so much:) I love that little scene and especially Puck and Basil they are so cute. ooh I'm glad Zain was nice but I love Puck's little "mr boring' thing:D And your poetry was hilarious i was exactly like Sabrina especially the first one:)
12/24/2012 c4 Curlscat
You do realize you're getting more reviews than almost anyone on the site other than Lara D, yellow. r0se, and Ayns and Sky, right? I average between ten and seventeen reviews per chapter on most of my stories, and they're considered POPULAR. Most people get five or so. I get wanting more reviews per reader, but you sound kind of spoiled asking for more when you're getting upwards of twenty per chapter.

ACTUALLY... Most colleges let you eat in class. College has a lot less rules than high school.

In my headcanon, Puck is a dentist. The Best dentist. Also I wish Sabrina was a police detective, not a lawyer. But not much I can do about that.

Nice job. :)
12/24/2012 c3 Curlscat
Your non-American-ness is showing. We don't say 'marks,' we say 'grades.' Also, we don't say 'University,' we say 'college.' I know it's a fanfic and you're not from here, but... Sisters Grimm is set in America, and you're too good a writer to have continuity errors like that. I hold you to a higher standard, which means you must get your lingo right otherwise I shall be sad.

Also I looked at your profile and am right with you on Twilight, and LOVE your 26 commandments of fanfiction. Did you make them up yourself or find them someplace?

Query: dost this story follow the plot of the ninth book of the series on which it is based?

You also had a few small errors in the... third section. Have you ever heard of something I like to call 'double past tense'? It's when a story, which is already set in the past tense, is talking about something that happened in the character's past. It is written usually using the word 'had.' For example: 'Puck had been looking for it for hours,' versus 'Puck looked for it for hours.' There are occasions in this chapter and the previous one where you need to use that, whatever it's actually called.

Why didn't Puck apply for more schools than just one? There have got to be at least twenty colleges IN NYC, and there are a ton more in New York State, and just as many in the part of New Jersey near NYC. (Trust me, I know, I had to pick through them when I was looking for a school.) Also, why didn't he wonder why they hadn't sent him a rejection letter? They do that faster than acceptances, sometimes, because of financial aid.

The chapter was good, it's just that you have a lot of things in it that you don't know a lot about, like American slang, or colleges in NYC, or applying for colleges.
12/24/2012 c2 Curlscat
This paragraph, " "You, stupid, ugh, little, belch, loser!" She spluttered, trying to get grass out of her mouth. " has a word (belch) that doesn't make sense. Did you mean BLECH?

This is still great. :) Totally deserves the nominations that other people gave it (sorry, I just feel like it's bad form to nominate your own story, even if you're technically allowed to.)
12/24/2012 c1 Curlscat
Hi! I know you nominated your story so I don't have to plug elligoat's 'Best Sisters Grimm Story of 2012' thing, but I wanted to tell you that a) other people nominated you, too, and b) that's why I'm here. I wanted to read all the nominees before voting rolls around.

In your second paragraph/sentence, you had a semicolon, and it was supposed to be a colon.

I like the first section. Personally, I feel like Daphne would have changed a little and gotten slightly calmer, but I can live with it, because I think you got Puck spot-on. He's still a jerky mc-jerkface, but he's not so extreme, and he's matured a bit.

You need some spaces in this paragraph: " "Aaaah!Ahhh!"Sullivan screamed. "

I also like your 'Puckabrina' there at the end. Nicely in character.
12/23/2012 c5 silverwombat
haha Its funny cos my mouse was actually not working but because I'm a genius like Puck at fixing things I fixed it!:P This was an awesome chapter, and I love how Puck got fired at Starbucks but his new job is a really good idea.:)))
12/23/2012 c4 silverwombat
eek I had to review when I read that, I believe in Puck:)
I saw your story got nominated heaps in the best sisters grimm story thing and so I though I'd check it out.
And it's awesome! I was kinda waiting till I had got up to date to review so this is going to be really random.
Anyways I am loving this so far! I love how you do their relationship and that was really cute with the boy:)
But I do have one question... You said in the 2nd chapter i think that Basil would never forget about Mirror but how could he even remember when he couldn't even talk?
Thanks for writing this amazing story and not making it a one shot!
-silverwombat
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