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1/29/2016 c3 Guest
...
11/6/2013 c4 greenworks
hi i just read your story and i like it so far. you shouldnt worry about us you should worry about your family and yourself i know how you feel im in the same boat
8/24/2013 c4 2Neko-sama123
Aw. I hope you feel better soon!
I also love your story!
Ps: what was Kaoru's natural hair color? The one in the anime?
8/6/2013 c4 7NevermoreEvermore
Sorry about your probs. :P they suck. Though your story doesn't!:)
7/22/2013 c4 4Wolfs and Tanukis
i hope your family problems go away i understand family problems i've had them myself i may not be in the same problem though
7/12/2013 c4 Kay
Hey..."...I knoW wat u are going threw is hard I went threw some family problems when I was 6 it was really hard but it's ganna get better "... "just keep on smiling a smile is the best and keep duing things u love and u will be ok I'm actually impressed you made 3 chapters and all those problems it's awesome :) just keep on smiling a smile is the best"
7/5/2013 c4 Me
NEXT CHAPTER PLZ
4/21/2013 c4 Guest
Hey I know it's hard but don't let it ruin your birthday!thats a time to celebrate not to mourn
4/20/2013 c4 CelttyThat
Listen I don't really no much about these types of problems but things will turn out fine I'm sure of it ! Just keep on doing the things you love and don't let the world show you it's true, depressing colors*
Keep on crackalacking
4/16/2013 c4 Xxsc8ergirlxX
when are yo gona make the next one?/
3/30/2013 c4 Kat
Yo I hope you're problems with family get better I don't know wat you. Are going threw but must be hard I had family problems but it's all right now and p.s please make new chapter u got me in a cliff hanger
2/9/2013 c4 Jenny
Unfair I tots agree with u quotas wrong with that guy he had no rights to say that to u
5/8/2012 c3 Neko Hokage
A bit short, but still good. My sincerest sympathies on the loss of your uncle; I lost my grandfather not all that long ago, so I do understand how you feel. Then again, it wasn't so close to my B-day that he did pass away, but still. Omedeto (Congratulations) on making the honor role. I look forward to your next update.
3/23/2012 c2 Neko Hokage
Allow me a moment to aid you, young author. Okay, so we really need to work on your writing style, so let me take a few lines from your work here and show you what I'm talking about:

"Kaoru-what happened to your hair!- What h-happened to your lip?" Takeo (Kaoru's father) asked so suddenly; Oh yeah let me explain my hair use to be a raven color- that is before I dyed it black and cut it so it looks spiky too. My lip, you ask? I have a piercing at the corner of my lip- I have hoops and they're spider bites (If you don't know what those are, please ask).

"Why, Kaoru?" my brother, Dai, asked quietly.

"I've changed, doesn't everyone, Dai?" I questioned my brother back.

"I guess but- how come you're working at a place like this? I mean it's a great place but shouldn't you be in school?" Dai asked as he smoothed out the wrinkles from his suit he was wearing.

"Shouldn't you be in school Dai?" I asked trying to defend myself from getting any more questions and just answers.

The above example helps to clear up who's doing the talking. Also, unless asking a question or making an exclamation, periods are not necessary at the end of the sentence the individual is speaking in the quotation marks. On another note, you seem to have a bit of trouble with centering the text; this need only be done at the opening line, the title line, and the ending, preview line.

Outside of these few little things, you're still doing quite well and again I wish to encourage you to continue.
3/18/2012 c1 Neko Hokage
An interesting startup to an altertnate universe story. And you portray the characters rather well. The dialogue could use a little work, but not bad for a first time writer. I wish to encourage you to contine.

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