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3/20/2012 c1 38NocturneD
I'll give this a chance. Check out Regrets if you ever can.
3/20/2012 c1 10bringonthespam
I actually like the idea of Luna having her own student, like Celestia has Twilight. I'm not typically a fan of OCs, but with some more details, I think I could really like your character.

My only major suggestion would be: whenever someone speaks in the story, that's usually a good time to create a new paragraph, at least for formatting purposes on ff.net (other sites, authors, and style guides may roast me for saying that, but people tend to receive the ample spacing positively here). That, and maybe longer chapters (personal preference), alone would greatly improve the readability.

I look forward to seeing what becomes of this, please continue.
3/20/2012 c1 2Thornton16
Good start,this is an interesting premise with a lot of potential.Please publish more soon.
3/20/2012 c1 1MiniatureDreams
A good start, has potential! A few things definetely need some work. A big thing is that you should invest in a beta to help with grammar, spellimg, formatting, etc. Another one is not to just state your descriptions: it was kinda boring how you just stated all this stuff about Amythyst! Make it more interesting with unique words and a good lead-in. Give her a reason to say all this stuff about herself!

Onto some positives. Your characterization's pretty good, even without Luna's Canterlock and "Royal We", Amythyst also seems like a good character, not too Sue-ish! It's a cool idea, too, having this sort of counterpart to Twilight Sparkle. Excited to see what happens next!
3/20/2012 c1 MiniatureDreams
A good start, has potential! A few things definetely need some work. A big thing is that you should invest in a beta to help with grammar, spellimg, formatting, etc. Another one is not to just state your descriptions: it was kinda boring how you just stated all this stuff about Amythyst! Make it more interesting with unique words and a good lead-in. Give her a reason to say all this stuff about herself!

Onto some positives. Your characterization's pretty good, even without Luna's Canterlock and "Royal We", Amythyst also seems like a good character, not too Sue-ish! It's a cool idea, too, having this sort of counterpart to Twilight Sparkle. Excited to see what happens next!
3/20/2012 c1 10skullcrusher206
Short. But nonetheless a good start, maybe slowdown and enjoy writing, enjoy writing the details, enjoy feeling like you are inside of the story like seeing in through the characters eyes, and just have plain fun writing it. I wish you luck and congrats on your first fanfiction.

☆*:.。. o(≧▽≦)o .。.:*☆
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