for The Year Long Curse9/24/2014 c1 
13tjw242
Jareth, what a little brat, but evened out in the end :)
Cute story, it could've done with dialogue, but I see how that might've messed with the overall style.
Well done :3
13tjw242Jareth, what a little brat, but evened out in the end :)
Cute story, it could've done with dialogue, but I see how that might've messed with the overall style.
Well done :3
11/20/2012 c1 BewilderedFemale
Wow, this was a pretty deep story; I really liked it! HEY! we're doing a winter writing challege, all the details are on my bio; check it out! I'd love for you to write a story!
Wow, this was a pretty deep story; I really liked it! HEY! we're doing a winter writing challege, all the details are on my bio; check it out! I'd love for you to write a story!
7/30/2012 c1 2Eleyn
What an interesting concept. I've never had a wart, but I can imagine that the pain would make Sarah quite uncomfortable, especially since she's a teenager. Jennifer Connolly clearly never had to worry about pimples, so Sarah must be doubly unhappy that her normally excellent complexion should be so horribly wrecked. It's a simple yet effective revenge on the part of the petty Goblin King.
A note, however: You seem to add a lot of extra sentences that are actually already explained by your story. For example, in the second paragraph: "That is what he was going to do." You've already told the reader quite nicely what it is Jareth is going to do. This sentence is redundant. Additionally, in the 4th paragraph, you end with "He had decided not to go back in his owl form." It's actually clear that he didn't use his owl form, since you didn't say that he flew home, or that he transformed and then disappeared. This sentence is also redundant. Lastly, the sentence that begins the 8th paragraph "This time he appeared in her bedroom just by appearing." I understand what you're trying to say, but I wonder if there's a better way to put it. Perhaps Jareth appeared because he was in too much of a hurry to fly there as an owl. Or maybe you just say that this time he simply appeared in her bedroom.
It's a nice story with a good moral. Sarah is smarter than she looks, even if she is naive about love, she certainly has wisdom to share with Jareth.
2EleynWhat an interesting concept. I've never had a wart, but I can imagine that the pain would make Sarah quite uncomfortable, especially since she's a teenager. Jennifer Connolly clearly never had to worry about pimples, so Sarah must be doubly unhappy that her normally excellent complexion should be so horribly wrecked. It's a simple yet effective revenge on the part of the petty Goblin King.
A note, however: You seem to add a lot of extra sentences that are actually already explained by your story. For example, in the second paragraph: "That is what he was going to do." You've already told the reader quite nicely what it is Jareth is going to do. This sentence is redundant. Additionally, in the 4th paragraph, you end with "He had decided not to go back in his owl form." It's actually clear that he didn't use his owl form, since you didn't say that he flew home, or that he transformed and then disappeared. This sentence is also redundant. Lastly, the sentence that begins the 8th paragraph "This time he appeared in her bedroom just by appearing." I understand what you're trying to say, but I wonder if there's a better way to put it. Perhaps Jareth appeared because he was in too much of a hurry to fly there as an owl. Or maybe you just say that this time he simply appeared in her bedroom.
It's a nice story with a good moral. Sarah is smarter than she looks, even if she is naive about love, she certainly has wisdom to share with Jareth.