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for Special Tactics Squad 1 17

11/16/2012 c4 2the dude person
Nice chapter, vod - I just have a few minor nitpicks.

In the first part, you wrote "they back away" - which I felt was out of place, as you seem to use the present tense randomly.

And I noticed you wrote "jetii," which is actually singular - in Mando'a there should be the "se" on the end, as you meant plural Jedi.

This is a very minor nitpick, but for Askara's quoted saying,
"'...thing',"
Should be
"'... thing,'"
(You want to put the comma inside of all the quotation marks in most cases.)

Also, you wrote "Some of padawans I know," which is missing "the."

Also, when they're talking about Order 66, it seems too conveniently specific that she should happen to bring up that particular order and no others when it was the only one ever carried out later. That aside, "Would you follow that order if it was given" needs a question mark, as it is a question, regardless of the intended inflection.

I found the part where you wrote, "Askara had fallen asleep an hour before" to be a very jarring and confusing jump forward in time, as it seems like it's talking about something that happened before their conversation in the cave. You might want to put in a separation if possible (an extra line break, or a dotted line, etc), to show end of one section and beginning of next. You could also say, "Askara fell asleep after their conversation, and woke up an hour later" or "A while later, the clones discussed things quietly. Askara had fallen asleep an hour before..." etc.

And it should be "hailfire" not "hellfire" droid.

But needless to say, I'm enjoying the story, and looking forward to seeing where it goes (whenever I can read the remaining chapters).
11/14/2012 c8 8DragoLord19D
Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel, Sequel!
11/12/2012 c7 Dancng Penguin
the STS have stuck themselves to my heart with duct tape. Oya, Ner Vode!•_
5/22/2012 c4 6starbuckviper
I really like how far Askara has come since we were first introduced to her and how fast she picks things up from the squad. :)
4/21/2012 c3 2the dude person
Chapter 3 proved to be yet another enjoyable read. I'm starting to notice that although your writing is clearly based upon Karen Traviss's, you do have a unique and interesting style of your own. I really liked some of the banter you had going on in this chapter. It's clear that Askara Jento is developing into a confident military leader, and I thought it was interesting to hear some of Thirteen's backstory; he seems to be the focus of the squad. Nicely done, I look forward to reading more!
4/16/2012 c3 6starbuckviper
Really like the banter in this chapter and you got me feeling all sad for Thirteen now, I just wanna give him a hug
4/8/2012 c2 2the dude person
I like how Askara is beginning to fit in. Also, I saw quite a bit of Hard Contact in there. Although I found quite a few typos in this one, it was overall another enjoyable chapter!
4/8/2012 c2 6starbuckviper
I really like the way you get all the characters to interact with eachother so well. I look forward to what comes next
4/7/2012 c1 2the dude person
That was pretty good, especially for your first Star Wars fic. I can see that either you are also a fan of Karen Traviss's novels, or you've certainly done your research.

I noticed a few very minor syntactical errors, but this piece was otherwise very technically sound.

I like how you managed to capture the feel of the Republic Commando novels, by giving the clones some individual personality traits. It seems like Falcon is this group's Scorch or Fi. I think the concept of having special forces outside ARCs and Commandos is an interesting idea, although I'm not sure how efficient that would've been in terms of organization within the GAR.

I felt that Jedi Master Bel Rof was a very short-lived character. You built up a decent amount of character development before he was killed off, but I still felt it was rather quick. I might've liked to see a chapter in which the reader would get to know him better, so it would be more of a shock when he died.

I'm glad you pointed out to the reader that "J'hagwa na yoka" was in fact Huttese, and not Mando'a, I had almost forgotten that the Commandos used that phrase in Triple Zero. (Although I knew the Huttese words, and was able to figure out what the phrase meant immediately - I suppose I've spent quite a bit of time learning the languages of Star Wars.)

I could definitely see some clear similarities to Etain Tur-Mukan in your Askara Jento character; a fledgling Jedi girl who is somewhat uncertain of herself as a leader. I like that you're using original characters, rather than simply dragging Etain through another adventure. This story is similar to the Republic Commando storyline, but seems different enough to be new.

All in all, I think this was pretty kandosii. I look forward to seeing where this story goes.

(Also, if you like Mando'ade, you might consider checking out my fanfic, Kyrr Geron, which is centered around one by that name.)
4/6/2012 c1 29CC-645
Great story.

Written spectacularly. Good use of various words and especially in-universe terms. I don't see that much these days.

I like where this is going. I have never before seen a story portraying the comradery between clones and Jedi in this fashion.

Can't wait for further chapters!

CC-645

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