for Darkly Dreaming Damon4/7/2014 c5 Guest
This story is great, wish it had continued!
This story is great, wish it had continued!
7/16/2012 c5 Guest
love this story!
love this story!
5/17/2012 c5 
2Chelseabaabyox3
So far your story is pretty good. I like all the sexual tension between Damon and Elena, reminds me of the actual show lol. I can't wait to read more!
2Chelseabaabyox3So far your story is pretty good. I like all the sexual tension between Damon and Elena, reminds me of the actual show lol. I can't wait to read more!
4/26/2012 c5 Smile 4 the Day
Ugh, I can't imagine how hard it is for Damon not to lose control. Elena is either trying but failed miserably to resist him or just too blind to Damon's reactions... Love the chapter! Can't wait for the next chapter! XD
Ugh, I can't imagine how hard it is for Damon not to lose control. Elena is either trying but failed miserably to resist him or just too blind to Damon's reactions... Love the chapter! Can't wait for the next chapter! XD
4/22/2012 c4 Rainbow Dash
I'm so glad I had a positive impact on your writing! I can really see a difference in the parts you rewrote and edited; it flows better, and you're adopting a more consistent style. You have a refreshingly positive outlook and I'm glad you incorporated my criticism well. Keep it up!
I'm so glad I had a positive impact on your writing! I can really see a difference in the parts you rewrote and edited; it flows better, and you're adopting a more consistent style. You have a refreshingly positive outlook and I'm glad you incorporated my criticism well. Keep it up!
4/15/2012 c1 Rainbow Dash
I love Damon x Elena. Love it. And as a fellow Delena (and Dexter) fan, I feel like it's necessary to point out a serious flaw in your writing.
Purple prose.
http:/tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/PurpleProse
Your description is overwrought, overdone, over-analyzed-I'm imitating it.
Some examples (from Chapter 1):
"His skin was somewhat pale, his gently tousled, spikey black hair contrasting it."
* You probably don't need to say that it's tousled AND spiky. We do possess imaginations and already know what Damon looks like.
"He studied her face – dramatic brown eyes framed by fine dark lashes, soft olive skin, and her lips a teasing pout that always drew his eye. Her hair was a loose silken curtain that swayed in the light breeze coming from the open window."
* So many adjectives... even though, as I just mentioned, we also already know what Elena looks like.
Examples (from Chapter 2):
"Elena was stretched languidly on the chaise lounge with the mohair throw over her lower half and a throw pillow tucked under her head. Her lips were parted slightly, her breathing slow and relaxed. Her shiny, straight brown hair was fanned out around her delicately. One of her hands rested on her stomach, rising and falling with her breaths. The other arm was bent beside her head, her hand and fingertips relaxed in a slight curl..." etc...
* Okay, so she's in a bed. Gotcha.
"Her cheeks were delightfully flushed and a thin sheen of sweat dampened her forehead. He surmised this was left over from her nightmare. Her chocolate doe eyes blinked open slowly at his touch."
* Sounds like Bambi smut fanfiction written by Stephenie Meyer (okay that's a bit harsh, I apologize, but now I'm too tired to re-phrase).
"Damon's eyes slit in anger, glittering intensely, boring straight into Elena's, which were equally severe."
* We know he's angry by the fifth word.
Examples (from Chapter 3):
"She had a sweet, heart shaped face and cupid's bow lips, and rosy, blushing cheeks."
* We don't need to know they're rosy AND blushing. Speaking of the following paragraphs, do we need to know every tiny detail of what his victim looks like?
"He sank his fangs deep into her milky throat and was rewarded with the flow of scorching hot, wonderful, nourishing, amazing blood over his tongue."
* Oh my god, need I say more.
"She was delicious, rich, vibrant."
* OH MY GOD BLOOD YES FUCK PUT IT INSIDE ME
"She sat in the driver's seat of her car staring quietly at him. He admired the beauty of her gray-blue eyes and noted the paleness in her formerly rosy cheeks. She looked pretty confused, but was not afraid. She met his gaze and questions flooded her cherubic face but she didn't say anything to him. Her hand went absently to the place on her throat where she'd been bitten. She licked her lips, pink tongue darting out to wet them, and moved her hand from her throat to her forehead."
* If you take into consideration what I've mentioned before you'll notice a lot of unnecessary wording in this paragraph. Also, we don't need to know her tongue is pink. Should it be green?
"The blue-eyed vampire made a scene..."
(A few paragraphs later...)
"The raven-haired, blue-eyed vampire stood for a moment..."
* Yes, we certainly know what he looks like at this point. You could, you know, call him Damon.
A common misconception among writing hobbyists is that the more you crack out the physical or mental thesaurus, and the more over-elaborate description that is thrown in, the BETTER a story is written... Please to god, no. A flowery writing style can be nice depending on the medium, however you always need a HAPPY medium. You need to be more straightforward-we already know what Damon and Elena look like. We don't need it re-stated several times, even in a fic that has smut and concentrates a bit more on their physicality. Smut can be well-written and more to the point than these examples. Would you, upon reading someone else's story, like to wade through all these adjectives while time has stopped and nothing is actually occurring?
I hope you find this advice helpful. My harshness meant to be taken as a little comedic (I hope) and it's late at night, so I'm not sure if I went over the top. If so, you can just add 1000 new adjectives into the next chapter as a literary way of saying, "Fuck off, bitch."
Anyway, seriously, writing is great fun and I hope you continue and improve. Good luck. :)
I love Damon x Elena. Love it. And as a fellow Delena (and Dexter) fan, I feel like it's necessary to point out a serious flaw in your writing.
Purple prose.
http:/tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/PurpleProse
Your description is overwrought, overdone, over-analyzed-I'm imitating it.
Some examples (from Chapter 1):
"His skin was somewhat pale, his gently tousled, spikey black hair contrasting it."
* You probably don't need to say that it's tousled AND spiky. We do possess imaginations and already know what Damon looks like.
"He studied her face – dramatic brown eyes framed by fine dark lashes, soft olive skin, and her lips a teasing pout that always drew his eye. Her hair was a loose silken curtain that swayed in the light breeze coming from the open window."
* So many adjectives... even though, as I just mentioned, we also already know what Elena looks like.
Examples (from Chapter 2):
"Elena was stretched languidly on the chaise lounge with the mohair throw over her lower half and a throw pillow tucked under her head. Her lips were parted slightly, her breathing slow and relaxed. Her shiny, straight brown hair was fanned out around her delicately. One of her hands rested on her stomach, rising and falling with her breaths. The other arm was bent beside her head, her hand and fingertips relaxed in a slight curl..." etc...
* Okay, so she's in a bed. Gotcha.
"Her cheeks were delightfully flushed and a thin sheen of sweat dampened her forehead. He surmised this was left over from her nightmare. Her chocolate doe eyes blinked open slowly at his touch."
* Sounds like Bambi smut fanfiction written by Stephenie Meyer (okay that's a bit harsh, I apologize, but now I'm too tired to re-phrase).
"Damon's eyes slit in anger, glittering intensely, boring straight into Elena's, which were equally severe."
* We know he's angry by the fifth word.
Examples (from Chapter 3):
"She had a sweet, heart shaped face and cupid's bow lips, and rosy, blushing cheeks."
* We don't need to know they're rosy AND blushing. Speaking of the following paragraphs, do we need to know every tiny detail of what his victim looks like?
"He sank his fangs deep into her milky throat and was rewarded with the flow of scorching hot, wonderful, nourishing, amazing blood over his tongue."
* Oh my god, need I say more.
"She was delicious, rich, vibrant."
* OH MY GOD BLOOD YES FUCK PUT IT INSIDE ME
"She sat in the driver's seat of her car staring quietly at him. He admired the beauty of her gray-blue eyes and noted the paleness in her formerly rosy cheeks. She looked pretty confused, but was not afraid. She met his gaze and questions flooded her cherubic face but she didn't say anything to him. Her hand went absently to the place on her throat where she'd been bitten. She licked her lips, pink tongue darting out to wet them, and moved her hand from her throat to her forehead."
* If you take into consideration what I've mentioned before you'll notice a lot of unnecessary wording in this paragraph. Also, we don't need to know her tongue is pink. Should it be green?
"The blue-eyed vampire made a scene..."
(A few paragraphs later...)
"The raven-haired, blue-eyed vampire stood for a moment..."
* Yes, we certainly know what he looks like at this point. You could, you know, call him Damon.
A common misconception among writing hobbyists is that the more you crack out the physical or mental thesaurus, and the more over-elaborate description that is thrown in, the BETTER a story is written... Please to god, no. A flowery writing style can be nice depending on the medium, however you always need a HAPPY medium. You need to be more straightforward-we already know what Damon and Elena look like. We don't need it re-stated several times, even in a fic that has smut and concentrates a bit more on their physicality. Smut can be well-written and more to the point than these examples. Would you, upon reading someone else's story, like to wade through all these adjectives while time has stopped and nothing is actually occurring?
I hope you find this advice helpful. My harshness meant to be taken as a little comedic (I hope) and it's late at night, so I'm not sure if I went over the top. If so, you can just add 1000 new adjectives into the next chapter as a literary way of saying, "Fuck off, bitch."
Anyway, seriously, writing is great fun and I hope you continue and improve. Good luck. :)
4/13/2012 c3 aono
I loved how you described the whole blood drinking scene it was really good and also cant wait for the next chapter!
I loved how you described the whole blood drinking scene it was really good and also cant wait for the next chapter!