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for The Bandit Princess

7/12/2013 c1 9Digi-fanCatt
Well, are there going to be more chapters? This story is cool! :D
5/8/2012 c1 11Avatarcatz2323
I like this a lot so far! A few grammar mistakes, but I know that you'll get better at writing as you write and read more.

Great chapter! I'm looking forward to the next one! =D

4/20/2012 c1 8Mommy Bear
Great start for the story. You portray her frustrations really well. I like her independence right from the beginning. This is the beginning of a fantastic story. Can't wait for the next chapter.
4/17/2012 c1 81JackieStarSister
This is good so far! I like how you show the miscommunication when Toph cries. Please update soon! Good luck writing!
4/17/2012 c1 1yougotmycoat
Little Toph! So cute... (words I never thought i would say about Toph.)

Keep up the good work
4/17/2012 c1 42AuthorSwimmerPoet
You already know this, but I love this Toph idea, so cute! :D

One little thing, "minute" rather than "minuet" and in your first Author's Note you wrote "Top" instead of "Toph" the first time you mention her name :)

So there's my little bit of nitpicky-ness. Also I don't know if it turned up that way in what you've got, but I can see a couple random Chinese characters in there instead of some capital letters, I don't really know how that happened, and they kind of look cool, but I'm sure that's not what you meant to put there :)
4/17/2012 c1 121Kimberly T
I initially clicked on this story because of the two characters you chose for listing in the story summary. I've never read a fic starring both Toph and Bato before! I like multi-generation friendship fics, and wondered if you would have Toph and Bato bonding over Sokka's antics versus Hakoda's when he was a wild-n-crazy teen. But now I'm wondering if your second character choice was an error, because I really can't think of a way that Toph and Bato would have met pre-canon events.

Hmmm. You're lacking some punctuation here and there; usually the ending quotation mark in your dialogue, when it's followed by narrative. Also, some capital letters have been replaced by odd non-alphabet characters. I dunno what word processing program you're using, but it could be that FFnet's Document Manager program is having disagreements with it.

The punctuation problems make reading a bit of a chore, but other than that, this looks like a good start to a pre-canon Toph story! Keep it up!
4/17/2012 c1 Daisy312
That was really cute! Please write more!
4/17/2012 c1 15CaptainFlye
Hey honey! Looks like an interesting story, but I think you've got a few things you need to fix. I'm gonna point them out so you can hurry up and fix them. I hope lots of people read your story, sweety. I miss you... :(

1- Is it actually supposed to say "Toph & Bato" for main characters? Bato is that one guy from the water tribe that the Aang Gang ran into.

2- full length adventure about child Top; including

full length adventure about child Toph; including

2.5(missed it at first)

sounded so nice!Toph told her mother

sounded so nice!" Toph told her mother

3-"you can't go out and play.

"You can't go out and play.

4-the six year old girl felt her mother's

The six year old girl felt her mother's

5-I'm giving my best guess on this next one.

"Oh Darling I'm mother quickly picked

"Oh Darling I'm sorry," her mother said as she quickly picked

6-When finally on the floor again Toph

it just feels off. *shrug*

7-This one...I'm sure something else glitched, b/c it's just too crazy.

loud and high above her, 展hat's wrong?

loud and high above her, "what's wrong?

8-"I don't know. She just started mother said.

"I don't know. She just started crying," her mother said.

9-you need to take her upstairs,Father said

you need to take her upstairs," Father said

10-For a minuet Toph felt that funny prickling feeling

For a minute Toph felt that funny prickling feeling

11-WOW...it happened TWICE! Something's screwy, honey.

touched her arms again. 鼎ome on Toph

touched her arms again. Come on Toph

12-NO!she screamed, stumbling away

NO!" she screamed, stumbling away

13-This isn't right. She thought

This isn't right, she thought

14-I think I messed up. She thought,

I think I messed up, she thought,

Well, that's it. You just need to make sure it gets edited for you post next time, I think (unless it did get edited and just didn't save right for some reason...it HAS happened, after all.

Anyway, I love you. Take care, and i'll be seeing you again before you know it. Believe it! ;D

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