Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for The Talent Show

4/19/2012 c2 4yayleo
An interesting premise. This has potential.

some things to critique: You should try and add a bit more detail, as well as having the story flow smoothly. You've got the basics of it down, you just need to improve a bit and you'll have a great style of writing.

Off-topic: Have Leo learn Slayer out of nowhere to fuck with the other guys! That be kick ass!
4/19/2012 c2 2Bogren
Not bad. A bit short and a few things weren't explained very well. Don't be afraid to put some detail.

Instead of,

"Leo started playing the chords of AC/DC's Highway to Hell."

say something like,

'Leo began playing AC/DC'a Highway to Hell. He hit each chord perfectly and sounded great. But, it was clear the white cat wasn't impressed.'

It adds length and detail that keeps it interesting. Otherwise it feels rushed.

But that's just some advice. It's all up to you.
4/18/2012 c1 Bogren
Are they in high school or college?

And what school gives people extra credit for joining a band?

Desktop Mode . Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service