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for Dust Devils

5/4/2012 c3 132Beckydaspatz
This stupid website wouldn't let me review when I woke up this morning to read it! Ugh...up yours FFN, up...yours. Anyway, onto the story.

Bobby might have taken an amused beat to note that he was currently smack dab in the middle of the worn It Was a Dark and Stormy Night cliché, but right now he was too goddamned worried. Bobby adjusted the flashlight in one hand while holding his sawed-off in the other, quickly checking to make sure there were two rounds of rock-salt in the chamber ready to go. -I remember the first time I read this I was on the edge of my seat with apprehension for Bobby, same thing now. You write this scene so well that I am just waiting for something nasty to jump out at him. GREAT scene! I especially like how you gave a nod to the Dark and Stormy night cliche, nice touch!

Reflexively, Bobby spun around and found himself nose to nose with the stuttering image of a pale, grinning specter. Just as the hunter was aiming his shotgun, the entity raised its hand, releasing a burst of energy. Bobby's hand jolted with a static charge and the gun was abruptly yanked into the air behind him. Without missing a beat or even bothering to look where the gun clattered on the floorboards, the seasoned hunter reached into his waist-band, pulled out Dean's Colt and fired. "Iron bullets, asshole," he gruffed as the last vestige of the surprised spirit disintegrated into a spiraling mist.-YEAH! BOBBY! love that guy.

"Oh hell, no you don't!" Playing the role of 'the clueless victim' was one cliché he'd never be a part of. Bobby warded off the thing and moved as fast as he could. Just as he reached the tarp, the leering ghost reappeared and began to stutter and fluctuate from location to location around the room. It appeared to overlap itself strangely, seemingly manifesting itself in two areas of the room at the same time. The dual images bounced and flickered as the savage wind continued to approach the old hunter. Both Bobby and the tarp suddenly broke free of the building and went sprawling onto the prairie floor below. Bolting up as though he were half his age, he sprinted away as fast as he could. He heard wood rending and splintering loudly behind him, but he didn't bother to look back. Yet, even as he ran he could still pick out the chilling, whispered incantation. Bobby tried to memorize as much of it as he could as he hauled ass away from the building.-God, I love Bobby. I also love how you cut the tension of this scene by having great Bobby one liners. I was worried, but then I calmed once Bobby hauled ass out of there. Nice job Kat! Oh looks like we are back to the past next, YAY!

Florabel yawned again and scratched. "OK, Mama. Will you call me if'n he wakes up? I don't want him to be afraid 'cause he's in a strange house," she said. The young child hopped off the bed and headed for the door.-Oh, that is SO precious.

She rubbed the remedy on Florabel's neck and slid her hand down under her daughter's shirt and overalls, smearing the foul mixture on her chest and rubbing it into her skin briskly. "I won't have it, Florabel."-I want to feel bad for Florabel (and I do) BUT I love that Emma says that. She's not being mean or cruel, she's just matter of fact like my Mom, I'm really starting to like her.

Emma softened. It broke her heart to subject her daughter to a treatment that she herself found just as unpalatable. In the end, though, there was no way she'd ever survive burying another child, so if turpentine, sugar and a little skunk oil prevented that, then it was a small price to pay. Nevertheless, she dabbed at Florabel's tears and hugged her daughter close, the odor of the skunk oil shriveling her nose. "I know you are, baby girl. But we have to be brave sometimes even when it's real hard to be, right?" Florabel nodded and snuffled, finding solace as she snuggled against her mother's soft neck. "Now you be quick like a jackrabbit, and then we'll change his dressing together." Emma knew that offering her daughter a chance to play doctor would take away some of the sting and hurt. "You'd like that, wouldn't you?"-These characters are SO real, like I could reach out and touch them. You have managed to be moving in this scene without being sappy. Lovely!

"Maybe, maybe. Maybe some chickens just die for no reason, though. It can happen, ya? Jesus might just swoop down and…" he pantomimed wringing the chicken's neck and biting a chicken leg. Slaid laughed again. He held up his hands and wiggled his fingers frenetically as though he was just stating facts. "Or maybe big bad wolf comes and eats her," he growled and made a gnashing sound. Florabel stood defiantly against him.-hate this guy already, if for nothing else than being an ass.Ugh. I really like the characterization of him though, if you had to pick an actor to play him who would you pick? I have somebody in mind, but I'm curious who you would pick, slimy scuzball. :/

"Thanks Old Jeb. I'm obliged," she grinned and ran toward the house.

"Lord 'a mercy, child, I can smell that skunk oil from here," the old man hooted after her before turning and heading to the barn with a grin.

-I love Jeb. Like ALOT.

Ellen still gripped Sam's hand in her own - I really appreciate the subtle things in this fic. I like that you are not calling attention to Ellen holding his hand, you don't have a lengthy description of it, it's just something she is doing. For both of them. Wonderful! It's the little things you do that make me adore your writing style.

Bobby looked at Ellen a long, hard moment after the doctor left them alone. He took another look at Sam who quietly stared blankly at nothing. "Well, in the words of Dean Winchester himself…Sonofabitch!" Bobby chafed.-HAHA! LOOOOOVED that!

"That's right, Em," he agreed. "Why, sometimes folks catch a glimpse of Heaven, an' they ain't no 'suadin' them to come on back, 'cause it's so restful and nice there. They's diamonds and gold on the front gate alone. And angels are a-sittin' there strummin' their harps purty as you please when you walk in," he said passionately while Florabel listened, transfixed. "So if'n this poor boy wants to go be with Jesus and Moses, why, we won't fuss about it." Emma nodded her gratitude and turned to finish cleaning the wound.

"See, Florabel? We'll do our part, but sometimes Heaven is too good to pass up. Ain't no faultin' anyone for wantin' to stay there," she said. She examined the poultice and made sure that it was still moist enough for her satisfaction. "This should start workin' best in a day or two," she said as she set it on the wound and covered it with a steaming cloth.

"I reckon so, Mama. But it ain't right for God to put us down here just so's we can go runnin' off to Heaven first chance we git." She dipped the cloth in cold water and continued her methodical cooling. "But Heaven sure does sound purty, that's for sure."-Why isn't this in the show...WHY? *pouts and huffs and basically throws a fit* Perfect little scene here, you are showing us exactly who Jeb, Emma and Florabel are and I'm finding myself morose that they are fictional characters.

Moaning does not equal speaking, geek boy.-WONDERFUL! For so many reasons...I really love how you wrote Sam coming back to himself so to speak, it's very disorienting and interesting.

"I am…" he said.

"Nothing."-Ooooooh, more interestingness. I really love how clueless Sam is...cause that's weird, for him. :D

Other things that deserve to be pointed out are... your titles, they are simply inspired and so far I have loved every one of them. :)

The shoutout...thank you SO much!

This story is amazing and I really FEEL (curse you no italics!) that I am back in the 30's. It's a spectacular talent you have there Sharlot and even nicer that you shared it with all of us. Thanks for your words, sorry this was late, you did a GREAT job with it.

5/4/2012 c3 ccase13
If Florabel has noticed the hired man turns into a monster, I wouldn't be surprised if she really did see a Lepracaun sleeping with the cow.

I hope Bobby finds that incantation.
5/3/2012 c3 7nej47
I am loving this story! It's so original and well-written. I can't wait to find out what happens next!
5/3/2012 c3 Anon
They woke up! :D I definitely did not expect that yet, so it was a very, very pleasant surprise. Although the lack of a reaction from both did dampen the mood a bit; until the very last part, where Sam thinks. Now, I love Sam, not like I love Dean, but I love him anyway. And the way you outlined his thought-process, was just, WOW! It was so SAM..."Geek-boy" almost had me in tears. It was a total "aww" moment. I find not a lot of writers do justice to Sam, but you managed it so flawlessly, in your other story, as well as here.

You do a fabulous job with Dean, so I can't wait to see how the next chapter goes, with Dean hopefully getting better, and more conscious of his surroundings.

This chapter, I had 2 favourite parts:

As far as he knew, the first thought he ever had was that something was different. At first he couldn't define the difference or compare it to anything else, because the black, gyrating mass with its monotonous, purling whispers and incessant discharge of energy that whiffled through him relentlessly was all he had ever known. How long that had been didn't matter, because he had no sense of time or its passage. There was no way to define it or quantify it, because he could neither define nor quantify himself.

^ That was so very beautifully described, I could almost picture a dark swirl of confusion and nothingness. I loved it.

The other part I loved was:

"I reckon so, Mama. But it ain't right for God to put us down here just so's we can go runnin' off to Heaven first chance we git." She dipped the cloth in cold water and continued her methodical cooling. "But Heaven sure does sound purty, that's for sure."

Aw Florabel (or 'Bel, as I like to think of her), so innocent, and so wise beyond her years. I wanted to hug her when she said this. It was beautiful, and true, and sad all at the same time, because your description of Heaven sounds utterly and thoroughly delightful; who wouldn't want to go there? And if anyone deserves such a place, its Dean. But, we won't let him go there yet. Not for a very, very loooong time. And I have a feeling 'Bel will be fighting tooth and nail to keep him with her, so I'm rooting for her! :)

Sam's "Nothing"...(sigh) Made me want to crush Sam with a hug. But, in my mind, without Dean, Sam really is nothing, and vice versa. So the Catch-22 here does seem like an insurmountable barrier, and I can't wait to see how you bring them both together again.

Big, bad Slaid. He gives me the creeps, scaring a little girl like that. I have a feeling Molly is going to be next in line for a sacrifice ;( But I love 'Bel's conviction, and her courage to stand up to Slaid, She's one tough cookie, that one. You;re making me fall in love with her more and more every time.

The scene with Emma and 'Bel, with the turpentine, reminded me of my childhood. I was always making a fuss just like her, cause I HATED cough syrup with a passion. The 'rents had to force it down my throat. So I feel for 'Bel. Hope she doesn't have to go through that again.

You didn't say when the next chapter will be posted :( but like always, I'm waiting impatiently for it.

Wonderful update! Craving more..

5/3/2012 c3 608K Hanna Korossy
Fascinating premise and I love how you're giving it time to slowly grow and develop. I'm definitely waiting for more!
5/3/2012 c3 CandyCakes
Awesome story so far, I look forward to the next chapter!
5/3/2012 c3 Hundley
A new chapter bright and early this Thursday morning. Thank you so much. You are a storyteller, for sure. Slaid creeps my cheese, but Emma, Florabel, and Jeb are wonderful characters. You write beautifully, as I've said before. So Sam is coming around, Bobby is on it. I'm awaiting Dean, but he and Sam seem to be on the same wave length.
5/2/2012 c2 162smalld1171
My friend, in case I haven't mentioned this to you before... Wow, you are an incredible story teller and you have a genuine talent for letting the reader visualize every single part of a scene. Absolutely incredible and amazing work.

I enjoyed the comment about Dean's muscles.. ;)

I love your characters, the way I am already enthralled with Florabel and Emma and Jeb, and have an instant 'icky' feeling about Slaid.

I loved the banter between Bobby and Ellen and Ash. Perfectly written in character.

I could probably copy and paste the entire chapter because every single word is flawless. Bravo, again, for a wonderfully told tale. Can't wait to see what happens next! :D
5/1/2012 c2 13Numpty
This is such a compelling tale, and is shaping up to be one hell of a story! It is such a pleasure to read.

I love the S2 feel, and you've definitely got Ellen and Ash down perfectly, especially their banter. Bobby too, is spot on!

What an interesting premise you've set up here, and your characters are instantly intriguing and endearing (except for Slaid, of course!). I love how you have given them such unique personalities.

I'm definitely up for a good dose of hurt!Dean. Poor boy, looks like he's in for a rough ride! And Sam too, it seems.

And what is Slaid up to? What an ominous ending! I'm getting more than a little worried about Dean...

Awesome work, keep it coming! :)
4/30/2012 c2 39Colby's girl
Wow, great chapter. I'really enjoying the story. Cheers!
4/30/2012 c2 Anon

Thank YOU for writing such beautiful stories that make me want to come back and read more! :)

Onto Ch. 2 - Ah, Ellen! I missed her; so good on you for bringing her into the story here. Sam tortured Jo and shot Dean? Geezus! I can't even tell you how nervous that makes me. I loved her blasting John's parenting. Honestly, I really, really don't like John. He was a crappy parent, overly obsessed with revenge, and the only good thing he did was sacrificing his life for Dean's, although that didn't work out well for Dean's guilty either.And

Bobby's here too..Yay! With those 2 around, Sam will be okay; now just Dean left for me to worry about. But, apparently, spunky lil Florabel's the girl for the job! I love her childish ways, and her attempts to act like an adult. Like I said, am a sucker for fics with kids :D

My absolute favourite line was:

"I know, Mama. But I'm real good at doctorin', so we'll just make Jesus wait an extra few years for him," Florabel boasted with a nod of assurance.

She seems wise beyond her years, with her, "Why can't girls be doctors?" question. Totally drove home the point that they're in a VERY different time from ours. I am so rooting for Florabel!

I KNEW there must have been a reason she was skittish around Slaid! He was getting big alarm bells ringing in my head. That last sentence sounded an awful lot like foreshadowing...again, makes me very nervous :( Oh Dean, you attract trouble like a magnet, honey.

Florabel and Emma checking Dean out...hahaha. That was hilarious! I was blushing and grinning like a fool.

Brilliant update, as usual. Can't wait for Thursday!

4/30/2012 c2 132Beckydaspatz
An update, YAY!

"Now, Bobby Singer, you just slow down before you throw a clot. I can hear your veins poppin' from here."-HA! What a PERFECT Ellen line and we both know that I love me some Ellen. Looking forward to reading your take on her. :D

Ellen rolled her eyes. "I know you ain't an 'idgit', Bobby. Well, you are, but I'm sure you called his cell," she said, the burnt edges of her smoky voice singed with humor. "I was just trying to cover all the bases." She looked through the near empty bar to spot Ash sitting at a nearby table with his computer in front of him and started moving his way. "How far out are you? Well, get your ass down here and pick me up. I'll ride along." She snapped Ash with her rag and motioned toward the bar. "I ain't takin' French leave, Singer. Ash will look after the Roadhouse for me while we're gone."-AMAZING! I feel like I am in the Roadhouse just watching this exchange take place, nice job Kat!

"Didn't someone, somewhere, sign some proclamation against slavery a while back?" Ash muttered as he grabbed his laptop off the table.-Bwahaha! Oh Ash :P Wonderful line.

"Yeah, same fellow as signed a proclamation against no-account moochers," Ellen tossed back and pointed to the bar. "Now, move your ass." After Ash had shuffled off as he was told, Ellen pushed in his vacated chair with her foot, lobbed the rag onto the bar and spoke into the phone. "All right, Singer, I'll be ready by the time you get here." She stopped while Bobby spoke, putting her hand on her hip and dithering as she listened before going behind the bar again. "I know I don't have to. I want to. I care about them boys same as you." She nodded and absently ran her hand along the smooth, well-worn grain of the bar-top. "I know it wasn't Sam's fault. But I can't understand why in the hell they weren't warded before now, is all." She pulled out a shot-glass, placed it right-side up on the bar-top and grabbed a whiskey bottle. "Well once we find Dean and sort this out, don't think for one moment that I won't ink their asses myself if I have to." She pulled the collar of her shirt down, studying the anti-possession charm's warding symbol tattooed directly above her heart. "Why John never took care of this for them before now is beyond me. He was one of the most obsessed, hard-assed sonsabitches I ever did know, but he was terrible reckless at times, especially with them boys. You'd think he'd 'a warded them years ago." She poured herself a double-shot and downed it, allowing the slow burn to spice her natural husk. "Well, they ain't getting a week older before them symbols are permanent once I get a hold of 'em," she rasped. "And it ain't just themselves the tats will be protectin'." She stood for a moment considering the whiskey bottle in her hand, shrugged and took a generous pull right from the bottle. "You just get here as quick as you can and let's help them boys."- I know I have pretty much copy and pasted the whole first scene of this chapter, bit it's really THAT good. I love that you added 'slow burn to spice her natural husk.' that is just GORGEOUS! Wonderful way to set up Ellen helping out and to have a bit of Ash in there too, I want to go to the Roadhouse so bad now, if it wasn't burnt down, or you know fictional. :P Okay, off to read the rest. :D

When Florabel didn't get an immediate response from the distracted adult, she asked again. "How come his eyelashes is so long, Mama?"-Oh kids *shakes head* they just keep asking and asking until they get an answer. Like that she is persistance.

He needs me to stay, 'cause you's a-gonna scare him. He don't know you, yet. He 'members me from the barn. He needs me,"-Who can argue with that logic?

as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs whenever he's around"-GREAT line, very vivid and funny.

she examined the fly with awe.-That's not what I would be looking at in awe, but you know, to each their own. :P Just kidding! Nice touch adding in the zipper speculation.

"You think he's a spy?" Jeb said wide-eyed as he put the items back in the billfold and glanced around furtively, as though he half expected sinister, masked men to come out of the woodwork.

-I'm really liking Jeb, so far he gets the best lines. :D

"I don't like strange ways from foreign parts," she said contorting her hands into 'monster-claws' and wiggled them maniacally accompanied by plenty of monster noises. "Grar! Rawr!" she roared at the floor. She dropped her play and looked at Jeb. "I don't like foreign ways," she said emphatically.-Maybe she's just being paranoid about Slaid, but I don't know Florabel seems pretty sharp for a little kid. I'm gonna keep two eyes on Slaid until he proves innocent.

"I know, Mama. But I'm real good at doctorin', so we'll just make Jesus wait an extra few years for him," Florabel boasted with a nod of assurance.-Such a beautiful and innocent sentiment. I'm really falling in love a bit with Florabel. (although it ain't hard to)

"OK, Doc, I know it's late and all, but we're coming into a story half told. Can y'start at page one for us?" Bobby adjusted his baseball cap snappishly.

-Your Bobby is really spot on, bravo! And having him and Ellen team up to help out the boys is a stroke of genuis!

They were quiet for a moment while Ellen softly smoothed Sam's hair back, and gently cupped his hand in her own. She noticed the healing binding-link that had been burnt onto his arm, a discomfiting reminder of the demon that had stolen Sam's body, tortured Jo, and shot Dean just a little over a week ago. Her finger lightly traced over the strange symbol. "Now, Sam honey, you need to open your eyes, y'hear me? It's Ellen. Bobby 'n me are here and you're safe."

"Sam, that you?" Bobby asked as he pulled a flask from his shirt pocket and splashed it on the unconscious man. He looked at Ellen as she goggled. "What? Just checkin'. We got to be sure, Ellen," he shrugged. Satisfied that Sam wasn't possessed, he relaxed a little and bent down toward the boy's ear. "Hey Sam, it's Bobby. Open your damn-fool eyes."

"Smooth, Singer," Ellen's voice crackled and popped with fatigue and humor. "You want him to wake up or not? Boy's more'n likely to stay put just to spite your grumpy ass." She sat down and sighed. "Well, shit. It's gonna be a long night."-I really LOVE that Ellen is is being all caring and motherly and Bobby is splashing him with holy water, LOL! They really make a great team!

You never want a fever to go on too long or too hot. So we got to keep him wiped down."

"OK, Mama." Florabel set to work while her mother began to irrigate the wound, squeezing out the infection and saturating it first with whiskey and then with iodine. Florabel was quiet for some time as she painstakingly wiped the man down. She was seemingly lost in her work when she suddenly ventured, "I ain't never seen a man with such fine muscles before. Have you noticed 'em, Mama?"

Emma was caught off guard and choked a little as she flushed crimson. Despite herself and her Christian intentions, she had most definitely noticed. She bit her lip to kill the girlish smile that threatened to overtake her face. "Don't matter how big a man's muscles is, just how hard and how honest he works with 'em," she chided. She poured some more whiskey into the bullet hole and pressed a cloth against it.-BWAHAHAHAHA! Oh Florabel is a HOOT! And it's okay Emma, you're only human. On the other hand sounds like Dean is in bad shape (not his muscles, but the rest of him :P) and I'm really impressed with how well you described that.

"So we're talkin' some kind of elemental, maybe? Elementals can have a crazy, unpredictable effect on people if they get too close," Ellen suggested.-Hmmm...interesting.

I ain't got time to be rompin' down memory lane with you trying to get you to remember all the damn-fool things you'n me have done over the years. So just you keep safe."-I would pay GOOD money for you to pen these hunts into existence. :D

They both nodded. "Shitty," they said at the same time.-HAHA! It shouldn't be funny, but it totally is!

All in all he was quite pleased with himself. "Hala!" he chortled. "Power," he gloated and raised his arms and flexed his thin, stringy muscles. "It worked. You came," he smiled. "Soon I learn to control." He wagged a thin, greedy finger as he tutted. "You will work for Slaid, ya? Make lady and little girl mine? Make them love Slaid and obey?" He rubbed his hands together excitedly. The wind demon would soon bless him ten-fold. Everything had worked amazingly well. The only unexpected and inexplicable complication was that man showing up right as he had performed the summoning ritual, seemingly manifested by the storm itself. It was definitely not something he'd prepared for, but he wouldn't worry about him. If the fever didn't take him, he'd find something that would.-ugh! I'm officially creeped out, not to mention what a foreboding ending. I'm thinking that Slaid is bad news and I got a case of the heebie jeebies. Creepy Kat, very good job with that. Really like the title, and the chapter and just everything about this story. Wonderful job, Thursday can't come soon enough!


4/30/2012 c2 supernaturaldeangirl89
great story cant wait for more ^_^
4/30/2012 c2 32ackeberlynn
"Mama, why's his eyelashes so long?"

I love how unique and real your original characters are. They don't take away from the Winchesters' story at all, and I don't find myself skimming their parts just to get to read more Sam and Dean. You write well.

Sam and Dean are sure in a bind!

Dean especially - and I can't wait for him to wake up and interact with that precious Florabel.

Also, Ash was hilarious, especially the "prime rib" part - priceless. :) I loved the interactions between Ellen and Bobby. I hope Sam wakes up soon.
4/30/2012 c2 Hundley
I anxiously await Thursday! I especially like how you use beautiful description to set the tone of the story. The blowing dust, the way the dust affects even the lighting, gives a 'restless' tone to the story and even adds tension as to when Sam and/or Dean will wake up. And then there's the plodding, persistence to Slaid and evil, like it's always there, plotting and waiting for all of us, while Jeb works the normalcy of good people doing every day things. The precocious Florabel and the pragmatic Emma, who I hope makes it through the story.

Anyway, looks like all the players are on the board now, and I'm waiting for them to start playing. I am really enjoying your story.
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