
5/22/2013 c11
10schizo-nephilim
I see you're a country fan too! I always thought Andy Griggs didn't get the attention he deserved, he just had a few singles and disappeared, but he was amazing! This is probably one of my favorite songs. :-)

I see you're a country fan too! I always thought Andy Griggs didn't get the attention he deserved, he just had a few singles and disappeared, but he was amazing! This is probably one of my favorite songs. :-)
5/22/2013 c10 schizo-nephilim
Mmmm...yummy...I've always found sex scenes a bit difficult to write in detail because I feel like I'm not doing justice to the emotional connection, but this was great! Lol, difficult not to get aroused when reading this chapter!
Mmmm...yummy...I've always found sex scenes a bit difficult to write in detail because I feel like I'm not doing justice to the emotional connection, but this was great! Lol, difficult not to get aroused when reading this chapter!
5/22/2013 c7 schizo-nephilim
YAY! Open honesty about their feelings! Maybe not their feelings for each other, but it's a start!
YAY! Open honesty about their feelings! Maybe not their feelings for each other, but it's a start!
5/22/2013 c6 schizo-nephilim
Well, about as well as can be expected in the circumstances. Panic was her first instinct, but at least they had the chance to talk it out a bit and get a little more friendly. Mutual attraction but mutual wariness of their own feelings...classic!
Well, about as well as can be expected in the circumstances. Panic was her first instinct, but at least they had the chance to talk it out a bit and get a little more friendly. Mutual attraction but mutual wariness of their own feelings...classic!
5/22/2013 c5 schizo-nephilim
HAHAHAHA! You can't get any more typically male than that! Hey, after how many years without sex, of course his mind would go there! Thankfully, he's not the complete scumbag that some men would be and take advantage of her being out, that would totally ruin any liking for him by Ally and readers. Wonder how she's gonna react when she wakes up in the bed with him? LOL!
HAHAHAHA! You can't get any more typically male than that! Hey, after how many years without sex, of course his mind would go there! Thankfully, he's not the complete scumbag that some men would be and take advantage of her being out, that would totally ruin any liking for him by Ally and readers. Wonder how she's gonna react when she wakes up in the bed with him? LOL!
5/22/2013 c4 schizo-nephilim
Damn...and it was going so well till Ally started talking about their health philosophy...I can understand why he used the Still on her, hearing that stuff hurt, not to mention he couldn't risk her seeing the way to his hideout and escaping. Moving to the next one!
Damn...and it was going so well till Ally started talking about their health philosophy...I can understand why he used the Still on her, hearing that stuff hurt, not to mention he couldn't risk her seeing the way to his hideout and escaping. Moving to the next one!
5/22/2013 c3 schizo-nephilim
Hmmm...naturally, AMR would assume he'd just kill her, that's what she's been taught about wild humans, but wonder exactly what David's thinking about the alternatives? Obviously he doesn't want to kill her, but he can't just let her go either. Can't wait!
Hmmm...naturally, AMR would assume he'd just kill her, that's what she's been taught about wild humans, but wonder exactly what David's thinking about the alternatives? Obviously he doesn't want to kill her, but he can't just let her go either. Can't wait!
5/22/2013 c2 schizo-nephilim
LMAO! I know it's not funny that she's hurt, but I think it's hilarious that she starts cussing up a storm from the pain, it makes her a little less like the typical Soul. Pretty certain I know how the next chapter starts, with David overhearing and investigating...can't wait to see how that goes!
LMAO! I know it's not funny that she's hurt, but I think it's hilarious that she starts cussing up a storm from the pain, it makes her a little less like the typical Soul. Pretty certain I know how the next chapter starts, with David overhearing and investigating...can't wait to see how that goes!
2/21/2013 c11 leshagen
Great story...I was intrigued how you brought two characters together that were essentually enemies, and because of an act of kindness, overcame their differences. Their loneliness, and desire for companionship mirrored each others' and their openess and honesty helped to form a fast but lasting relationship. I liked the flow, and how you developed the story. The sparky bits were a lot of fun too, thanks!
:D
Great story...I was intrigued how you brought two characters together that were essentually enemies, and because of an act of kindness, overcame their differences. Their loneliness, and desire for companionship mirrored each others' and their openess and honesty helped to form a fast but lasting relationship. I liked the flow, and how you developed the story. The sparky bits were a lot of fun too, thanks!
:D
12/3/2012 c8
9AhumbleHalofan
This is very interesting so far and I like what you are doing. Your writing style is excellent and while I can see opportunities for greater description I think you do an over all good job. My only true complaint is the pacing of the character development between these two. I think the attraction to one another is well done but happens too quickly. I would say you might want to expand on a development of bonds between these two before anything truly physical happens between them. Characterization is the only thing I could think you would want to improve on. Otherwise great story so far!

This is very interesting so far and I like what you are doing. Your writing style is excellent and while I can see opportunities for greater description I think you do an over all good job. My only true complaint is the pacing of the character development between these two. I think the attraction to one another is well done but happens too quickly. I would say you might want to expand on a development of bonds between these two before anything truly physical happens between them. Characterization is the only thing I could think you would want to improve on. Otherwise great story so far!
9/26/2012 c11
8writer-san
I don't normally read stories about OCs, but this is a fabulous and plausible scenario of a "wild human" and a host coming together. You've done a wonderful job of getting as accurate as I've seen a fanfiction of The Host. Thank you for publishing this. I do hope that you choose to continue.

I don't normally read stories about OCs, but this is a fabulous and plausible scenario of a "wild human" and a host coming together. You've done a wonderful job of getting as accurate as I've seen a fanfiction of The Host. Thank you for publishing this. I do hope that you choose to continue.
7/19/2012 c10 Erica
Hot. Love it, they are a sweet couple too! x
Hot. Love it, they are a sweet couple too! x
6/9/2012 c10
1rabecca riches
So this is a review on the whole thing, because having multiple reviews per chapter interrupt my reading and that annoys me. So I clicked on your stories because you reviewed mine and I've discovered that the descriptive qualities within your story are things I would like to be able to duplicate one day.
So praise:
I love the army know-how and all the physical descriptions of the characters, the obvious statement of Ally being hot making it fun although I wish you could describe him from her point of view more.
"The sex was great" is a comment I would have to stamp all over this review because it was great and very sexy. I liked the way she became not just a host in the body but a human with different lives. The final joining into her body was a very good scene for reading.
The cave and mountains were great, I liked that I could almost feel the wind and see the waters flowing in the rivers. The primitive setting of the cave was very good.
Critique:
The large blocks of words in the very beginning and it almost turned me away but then I skipped a chapter and read through Ally's word's and that made me flip backwards and read the beginning again. I would suggest adding in something that can break up the big paragraphs.
When he's remembering his past, the orphan situation is very interesting but I wish you could carry that into the scenes where he's wishing not to be alone. Is his parents the kind that left him or did they die? Did he ever see any of his friends die in combat?
For Ally's past I like the worlds and the very subtle message of meeting Wanda in her past. (very nice job by the way) but could you maybe explain more about her past with men? Maybe add in something to explain how she's never connected.
I guess what I'm saying it that it might be a good idea to lengthen the period of the tension between them. Or maybe get them to fight a little, more than when he gets angry about her talking. And could you make her realize that their take over was wrong? That could be the reason for an argument, she feels bad about taking over the body and trying to commit suicide to appease her guilt and he - for a reason he doesn't know - wants to keep her alive.
But I don't know, it's your fan fic, I just think it could be longer and improved... well longer, it can't really be improved much but just longer so I can read more of it. You are a fantastic writer and I think that you should definatly move away from fan fic and write a book to publish so then I can read that.
Thanks for the great read,
Rabecca

So this is a review on the whole thing, because having multiple reviews per chapter interrupt my reading and that annoys me. So I clicked on your stories because you reviewed mine and I've discovered that the descriptive qualities within your story are things I would like to be able to duplicate one day.
So praise:
I love the army know-how and all the physical descriptions of the characters, the obvious statement of Ally being hot making it fun although I wish you could describe him from her point of view more.
"The sex was great" is a comment I would have to stamp all over this review because it was great and very sexy. I liked the way she became not just a host in the body but a human with different lives. The final joining into her body was a very good scene for reading.
The cave and mountains were great, I liked that I could almost feel the wind and see the waters flowing in the rivers. The primitive setting of the cave was very good.
Critique:
The large blocks of words in the very beginning and it almost turned me away but then I skipped a chapter and read through Ally's word's and that made me flip backwards and read the beginning again. I would suggest adding in something that can break up the big paragraphs.
When he's remembering his past, the orphan situation is very interesting but I wish you could carry that into the scenes where he's wishing not to be alone. Is his parents the kind that left him or did they die? Did he ever see any of his friends die in combat?
For Ally's past I like the worlds and the very subtle message of meeting Wanda in her past. (very nice job by the way) but could you maybe explain more about her past with men? Maybe add in something to explain how she's never connected.
I guess what I'm saying it that it might be a good idea to lengthen the period of the tension between them. Or maybe get them to fight a little, more than when he gets angry about her talking. And could you make her realize that their take over was wrong? That could be the reason for an argument, she feels bad about taking over the body and trying to commit suicide to appease her guilt and he - for a reason he doesn't know - wants to keep her alive.
But I don't know, it's your fan fic, I just think it could be longer and improved... well longer, it can't really be improved much but just longer so I can read more of it. You are a fantastic writer and I think that you should definatly move away from fan fic and write a book to publish so then I can read that.
Thanks for the great read,
Rabecca
5/26/2012 c10 The Queen Of Souls
Wow, did it just get 40 degrees hotter in here? Dude, seriously, that was HOT! Especially if it was your first time writing slashfic. I wonder if Ally would get pregnant or have a pregnancy scare since they couldn't have used protection… anyway, AWESOME, dude. 100000 stars. It would be awesome if you continued, but if you don't, this is a good place to end the story.
Wow, did it just get 40 degrees hotter in here? Dude, seriously, that was HOT! Especially if it was your first time writing slashfic. I wonder if Ally would get pregnant or have a pregnancy scare since they couldn't have used protection… anyway, AWESOME, dude. 100000 stars. It would be awesome if you continued, but if you don't, this is a good place to end the story.
5/26/2012 c10 WandalovesIan
Continue for sure, loved reading what you have so far, it is really good and good job writing this, love it.
Continue for sure, loved reading what you have so far, it is really good and good job writing this, love it.