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for The Raven

3/7/2020 c13 Wolfman-053
Yeah, you're referring to the Battle of the Pass, where Belisarius finds out just how good Rana Sanga is (he knew Sanga was good, he just didn't know how good). Good reference there.
2/22/2020 c14 Disgraceful
The child of Xian Pu shouldn't've been changed. He would've eventually been thankful for at least knowing something of his birth parents.
12/20/2019 c4 Janitor
For a reader to really care about this work, you'd have to adjust three big issues: pacing, characterization, and combat. As is, this reads as a fast and loose, edgy first venture into a vengeance themed story. It lacks all the real, relevant punch needed for eyes not to glaze over once the "wow that's cool" factor has worn off. Specifically, in 4 very short chapters, Ranma is killed, damned, violated, and sets out (successfully) to his revenge without any part of that being FROM Ranma's POV.

That's actually important as it'd immediately knock out two of those three issues. Slow the pace and fill out the what—rather, "happening in the story", and you'd hook your reader easier. As is, Ranma's gutted and I can't be bothered to care. Ranma's raped and I can't be bother to care about it or Hild senselessly crying into a glass of liquor. Ranma does a character 180 & sets out to gut his father toot sweet..and because the prior two instances weren't fleshed out, I still can't care. Slow the pace, fill out the setup, put stakes on the table for your main character. A scene w/God and Hilda doesn't actually define anything that's in it for Ranma. He's a status report to them, not a character that's affected by anything big or critical.

You can actually use the combat to define how/what/why for Ranma, thus fleshing out the other two. Even the combat where he can't do anything. Your reader that knows Ranma 1/2 is going to wonder just how he goes from a kinda a jerk but with a heart of gold, to a Robert Liefeld-esque killer. A demon preying on him at his most-vulnerable, if written well, would spell out a whole lot of issues quicker than these summary reports and timeskips did. At bare minimum, you're writing a vengeance cycle, so the killings have to actually have weight to them. Is Ranma mentally off-kilter? Is there remorse or lingering regrets? If not, HOW did he come about that? Why didn't the reader get to see that "how"?

Or this could just be a gore screaming show kinda fic. As an advice sample, I'd recommend looking up Fire's Vengeance & a Half. Incomplete, but there's enough there to state example as to what I'm trying to get at, here. Just some thoughts. Take care & good luck.
8/14/2017 c31 scorpin17
love it
3/30/2017 c31 Seth
Good story I hope we get more in a sequel
3/15/2017 c1 deanron
baka, not bakah
10/13/2016 c31 1amerdism
Aw it's over, will there be a sequel?
6/24/2016 c31 40deathgeonous
Been a while since I've read this, and in truth, I never finished it until now. Good fic though. So, thanks for writing this, and bye for now.
2/18/2016 c3 Bill
Wow just wow. How the hell does ranma trusting his father as he is suppose to get him put in hell. Sure ranma was too trusting but you have to remember that he had two children points blocked the would have a more adverse effect than just on his libido and anger. Also all he has known is his father as he raised him. Plus his is slightly uneducated due to training. If anything he deserves heaven from all the shit he goes through. Plus it is messed up that he gets raped after dying by a demon. Other wise it is an OK story so far.
1/17/2016 c14 20ceroxon
Cette review n'a rien à voir avec cette histoire, mais j'avais envie de faire une review.
11/7/2015 c31 26SixPerfections
6/4/2015 c3 Guest
Wow that AN: if i understand it right, you believe that ranma is morally insane and that being chained to a wall and raped repeatedly for a year will make her better?
4/17/2015 c31 Guest
Not nearly enough you know, ranks in this ranks crossover. Complete waste of time. Misleading.
2/20/2015 c31 Chaosqueen
Just before Raven & Akane are turned into babies I thought Raven should have said
"Look I got screwed out of a childhood by that Panda while Akane got screwed out of training by her Mother's death, so while I understand I'll need training I ask you to please see that I have a childhood as well & Akane gets the training she needs"

When Urd goes to Hild after Raven's Nekoken nightmare/memory I felt Urd's marks should have changed to red (like they do in the series or movie) & she should have suggested Genma being deaged to 6 years old (same as Ranma was) so he could be taught the Nekoken
2/20/2015 c31 3maryjane5000
This fic is great & while it keeps you hooked it is unfortunately monotone which takes away a lot from it. I mean there's several things that have no impact yet should have like

1) Ranma shows no reaction to being raped no anger at the demon, no fear of being touched & no relief at being freed

2) Ranma isn't pissed at being a full time girl now or at the fact that fat ass Panda sold her again

3) While Genma's death is some what ok, Ryoga's was lacking. I think they should have had their standard fight then Ranma could have locked him & dropped Pchan at a slaughter house or to a tiger exhibit at the zoo

4) Ukyo is a literally a throw away character, Ranma doesn't go to her (if buried) grave let alone grieve for her best friend
5) Konatsu, Miss Hinako, Happosai & the Kuno's are absent
6) Kasumi & Nabiki aren't scared of Ranma in fact Kasumi basically says "Oh your hear to kill Akane, please come in"

& at least to me it seems like you make a mistake

In the later chapters Raven seems more like the canon version by that I mean Raven seems weaker yet you state that Raven would be stronger because she was Ranma & his strength would give her a boost her power giving her a better chance against Trigon

but as aside from that it still is a great fic
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