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5/11/2012 c1 3StuckInSpace
Good one shot! It wasn't bad for your first one! x)It was kinda sad though, hahah. Good job!

Kay :)
5/5/2012 c1 29amianfan102
Pretty good for 12 am! XD Cute! I actually LIKE that they don't get back together at the end...

~Dani :D
5/5/2012 c1 Seachel101
That was...okay? Sorry but I have to be honest here. As much as I love Danatalie that wasn't really on my 'great oneshots list'. And that's okay, I understand this is your first oneshot and you probably don't have much experience so don't blame yourself or anything. Just make sure that when writing a oneshot make sure it has lots of details. Lots and lots of them. Especially when something important happens you have to describe what the characters felt like when it happened. One sentence isn't enough. Having metaphors help like maybe saying 'I felt like ice water had been dumped on me. I was in disbelief'

It also helps to go from stage to stage, like when Dan saw them it might be first disbelief then shock then the painful realisation and finally heartbreak.

That was a pretty average oneshot for me. And I know some authors will disagree with me here and say it was awful but it's a matter of opinion. For me it's alright but it could be better. As for punctuation and grammar I found no mistakes so I commend you on that. And just keep on writing, I'm sure you'll get better with more experience.

Good job


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