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for Avatar of Victory

11/27/2012 c14 Everettspartisan
A nicely handled roaring rampage of revenge. The fic continues strong and I, as ever, look forward to more. You're doing a nice job of building the anticipation for the eventual clash with Saren.
11/26/2012 c13 delta7
Another update. I like the parts with the old platform and Tali interacting. I wonder what's going to happen there. We actually got a glance at Kai Leng and I wonder what Phoenix is up too. Thank you and please continue to work on this story.
11/25/2012 c14 1Tankred
Poor Legion, it keeps getting shot whenever it gets close enough regardless of what its intentions are.
11/25/2012 c14 Italian Yakuza
While I really llike your story man, I really think you should put bending in there and more Avatar stuff like their culture and everything. From what I'm reading you kinda overshadowed it with the Mass Effect stuff. Plus it would be nice to see someone only using bending to win in a gunfight.
11/16/2012 c13 Everettspartisan
The adorability of drunk Liara is not to be under-estimated.

Story continues well - nice to see Shepherd making some (little) progress on sorting out her issues.
11/14/2012 c13 Tankred
I do like me some hot Asari action.
11/11/2012 c12 delta7
Good chapter. It was nice to see more of the Prothean backstory even though by this point it's fairly obvious how the defeat of the Protheans came about. What is less clear is how and when Athame influences the Asari. It was also good to see Benezia. It seems that even though she's dead, her storyline has not completely ended yet. I continue to be pleased that chapters come at a fairly rapid pace.
11/3/2012 c12 Everettspartisan
Story continues very strong - looking forward to more.
11/3/2012 c11 delta7
Another chapter! I am glad that you are updating relatively quickly. It is good to see Benezia. I also like the codexes that you create. Please keep up the good work.
10/30/2012 c12 Tankred
I think I really like the way you write Liara... very much in character.

Also it was a neutron purge, by the by.
10/23/2012 c11 N3phtys
You forgot Aria. How could you? Even when she is busy retaking omega, including all important Asari but her? Forgot Omega's one rule?

(Also stepping up the game by including people and scenes from ME 2, great one)

Nassana caught me cold... just because I never doubted her intentions even while playing the game for the first time. Interesting what that will change in her future...
10/20/2012 c11 Tankred
Don't think I've ever read a Shepard so... brutal. Normally she's a biotic sniper with a silver tongue (mine was a plain soldier with heavy armor and big guns, oorah!) but this shows a pretty interesting new side of her. I also really like how you're explaining names and such despite the base of Avatar culture.

Personally I'm just kind of sitting here hoping that Legion will meet her before she dies horribly from getting spaced.
10/17/2012 c11 AlleElizabeth
Also wanted to add, I LOVED the codex for this chapter. Brilliant start of the Justicars. Thinking on it, I can really believe that a bunch of asari developed that strict Code and the discipline behind it in an effort to combat a foe who used mind control. And the whole story of Avalynn could easily have been canon.

Also, I like that you came up with an origin for what Samara says when she kills someone.
10/17/2012 c11 3AlleluiaElizabeth
I swear, this story never disappoints.

*What* did Morinth do to Shepard? I get the mind control, but to do what? Fight people as a distraction? I am guessing that's why Shepard came to with Samara's hand around her throat and 20 C-Sec officers with weapons drawn. However, you never do make it clear, so its just a guess at this point. I assume you'll go over that incident in more detail at some point?

Loved seeing more Legion. :D You really can't have enough of him in a story. And I love actually seeing him come to the conclusion to follow Shepard and how he went about it.

Loved the cameo by Miranda in this. Shepard making the bimbo/barbie assumption about her only to have it refuted 2 seconds later was entertaining.

I want to say the operative the Illusive Man was talking to was Jacob, but the personality seemed a bit off. Maybe that's your intent, that he's a bit different here? Or maybe its just that he doesn't have his Shepard fanboy thing going yet b/c Shepard hasn't saved the Citadel from Saren? I think that was what Jacob cites in ME2 when he talks about how he supported Shepard and spoke out, anyway. Still, though, he did sound like he was willing to kill people, specifically the Avatar, off for TIM and that was definitely an eyebrow raiser. I guess I'll just have to wait and see if it was really Jacob and what's up with him, eh?

Seeing Tela Vasir in this made me grin at my monitor. Seeing the other Spectre was cool, too, but I love that you brought Vasir in here and gave her a role. And the Shadow Broker line was nice and ironic, considering. lol I am really looking forward to how you handle the Lair of the Shadow Broker events now.

Speaking of LotSB reminds me: I am loving how you are developing Liara. Her lack of regret about killing those guys is a nice step forward toward the eventual information brokering badass she becomes. Also, I like that you've tied this change in attitude so closely to Shepard and made it a result of her personality literally leaking over. Its a very interesting way to do it and fits perfectly within your premise.

Also Liara's just generally hilarious in this chapter. Zoning out at a tree for an hour, mentally cackling as she lords her invincibility over the enemy, pyjaks with HATS. I mean really, Liara is just a treasure trove of entertainment. And its really funny that she totally called what's in Peak 15. [Everyone else's guesses were still good, though. ;)]

I know, however, they are gonna find asari. Who are apparently more affected by either Indoctrination or the Queen in a WAY more drastic manner than in the game. I mean, skin sloughing off? Brilliant detail and change from the original material. Definitely gives a darker tone to the story and I love that. But still... Uuugh. *shudders*

I am disappointed that Garrus is out for this mission. I miss him. lol I miss Wrex, too, but he deserved the rest after last chapter. And at least the way Garrus got sidelined was interesting. lol Loved his "...ow." XD So, Garrus.

Poor Jack, though. She really didn't want to hurt him, at least not that badly. Just what did Phoenix do to her? I figure there must be a twist on it beyond just making her the best biotic ever.

I like seeing Ash get more screen time. Knowing what you said about how she doesn't want the shame of an Avatar dying on her watch gave a different perspective on her fretting over Shepard in the hospital. I do hope that Ash will come to be true friends with Shepard eventually, though, rather than just looking at her as the Avatar or a symbol of duty and honor. I mean, they do banter back and forth so they're already on their way there. But I dunno. Feels like there could still be more done with that relationship.

I do love that you are no only developing relationships btwn Shepard and her squadmates but btwn the squadmates themselves. Tali and Jack really stuck out to me this chapter, for example.

I hope Shepard's fear of elevators will be answered soon b/c now I am just really dang curious. And its definitely gonna be confronted in the peak 15 facility. I mean, I could see *some* emergency stairwells used, but elevators were pretty prevalent. And there's no way she could climb a ladder fast enough to outrun the neutron purge blast. Though, hey, maybe the team splits up and she doesn't have to? You certainly have enough people. Can't wait to see. :)

Really looking forward to the next chapter.
10/8/2012 c2 Cheek
Your Shepard is completely unlikable. Is that intentional?
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