Just In
for Desert Fox

6/30/2013 c3 chaosalien
Good stort, keep updating!
11/27/2012 c3 7Sabaku No Shiaki
What happened to Shikamaru and Temari?
ooowh i want to know!
and poor Gaara-sama
alone when he was forced to make so many sad option!
Please update soon..
8/15/2012 c3 8Mommy Bear
Love her thoughts and description of Lee. lol. Her reverence for her mother's fan is very touching. And laying on the floor listening to the conversation below is priceless, I can so see this. One little err is when Lee says "I wasn't sent..." he would have said "I was not sent.." (Noticed Lee's use of contraction a couple more time.) Oh well, moving on. The sock Lee puppet is so hilarious.

The interchange between Tami and Gaara is wonderfully done. Oh so sad for Gaara to let go someone so precious to him. Very touching that he would give himself up for her safety. True family love. Awesome piece of work.
6/24/2012 c3 42AuthorSwimmerPoet
The major thing I noticed was that a couple of times you had "loose" instead of "lose"

Also a sock would most likely have a "sole" not a "soul"

The phrase "Tami glared at him, glowering" is a bit redundant as glaring and glowering are basically the same thing

I really like this line "It was the curse of being a girl. You couldn't do anything, even if it was the right thing, without crying and ruining it."

Ooh, Gaara's line at the end is sooo sad...I just ache for those two and this sad situation they are in. I can't wait to read more! :)
6/24/2012 c3 15CaptainFlye
YAY! I *LOVED* it Hime. It was a great new chapter. Loved Tami's references to Lee being like a bean. "The Green Bean of Konoha!" LOL!

Her character was very consistent, even if it was a bit sad to see her not getting along with Lee.

Humm...also liked that she wasn't used to the weight and balance that were so familiar to Temari. Sad she never got to hear from Gaara why he never found her fan. I guess the other readers are going to have to wait to here that from you in a later chapter, though you already told me.

Great chapter, dear. I loved it. Can't WAIT for more!

6/22/2012 c2 Deleted From Fanfiction
wow continue! im liking this sooo far!
6/20/2012 c2 12LadyTemari
Your portrayal of Tami's fear during the battle with Gaara was very clear and descriptive. I actually teared up at the end of this chapter, so don't worry that the chapter was too short or not clear enough. It was great! Keep up the good work, I am really intrigued with this story and look forward to finding out more about Tami. Would love to find out the circumstances that she ended up with the nine tails, but will take a wild guess that Shikamaru and Temari sacrificed themselves to save her. It is simply what they would do. Good luck and keep writing!

6/20/2012 c2 42AuthorSwimmerPoet
First off, 'expects' not 'excepts'.

You should say that Kankuro gave Tami a small "wooden" doll, or at least, it sounds better that way to me, it might be technically correct to say "wood doll"...

"Defensively" not "Defensibly"

you would "wear" a dumb vest not "where" ;)

the sentence: "If we're lucky he'll killit and be rid us of the problem." should be worded: "If we're lucky he'll kill it and rid us of the problem." or something more like "If we're lucky he'll kill it and we'll be rid of the problem."

"If he HAS the ability to care"

I love Gaara being so protective of his niece. It's a side of Gaara that I don't know you always think of him capable of having. Especially since he doesn't necessarily act all that protective in front of Tami, but you know he's worried about her, she's even picking up a bit on it, even if she doesn't quite know that's what it is :) And then of course that shifting to her thinking he's trying to kill her because of those stupid chattering villagers...brilliant. I really can see how someone in her position could be frightened of that, and the scene at the end with Shadow jutsu and then Gaara...oh that was tender...I really feel for Tami. I think she's one of those sad, lovely characters, that you just ache for because they are so misunderstood.
6/19/2012 c2 8Mommy Bear
Like Gaara intimidating the visitor from Konoha, that's Gaara's way.

Tami is young and so to let her imagination run a bit wild and perceive that her uncle is going to kill her is very realistic. All she needed was the reassurance which Gaara gave her that he did indeed love her. That was well done, just matter of factually, blunt and to the point. You keep Gaara in character very well. You have a great Gaara style.

Can't wait for the visitor (cause I know who it is. Hurry and post. Looking forward to next chapter.
6/19/2012 c2 15CaptainFlye
Question dear: did you mean 'sand village children' instead of 'leaf village children'? After all, she doesn't KNOW any leaf village people, right?

Other than that, I really enjoyed this new chapter. Good way to get her using the shadow possession again. Very cool. And I think the fighting was just fine, so stop beating yourself up over it, k?

Well, I'll give you a ring in a few minutes here. Love you and I'll talk to you soon.

Again, great job with the new chapter. :)

5/13/2012 c1 42AuthorSwimmerPoet
OH Wow! I can tell you've been working on this for a while :) A couple things in one of the early paragraphs: "ought" not "aught" in that same paragraph "Loosen" not "lessen" at the very end of that paragraph you spelled "sensei" wrong...

I think it was a charming introduction to Tami and I can't wait to see what goes on later in the story :)
5/13/2012 c1 8Mommy Bear
I feel so sad for Shikamaru, weep weep. You have developed the character for Tami very well, and she's definitely not intimidated by Gaara. Love the stand off with Gaara, well done. Can't wait until the next chapter.
5/13/2012 c1 yuxria
That's quite something. Can't wait to see how long she's going to be stubborn. Loved that you made her a ramen lover. Guess Naruto gave her some of his traits also when he gave her the fox.
5/13/2012 c1 Im Sammeh
I like it -Insanity
5/13/2012 c1 15CaptainFlye
YAY! It's started! So excited!

You did really well, honey. I think this is some of the best writing you've done. The characters stay consistent the whole time, we already have begun to understand Tami pretty well, I think, and I LOVE Gaara in here. His wisdom seems really consistent with how he's acted in canon. All around great!

Keep it up honey. I look forward to the next chapter. :3



Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service