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8/8/2014 c3 Confeito
Are you going to continue this? ;_;
4/26/2013 c1 Stacey
I'm not black, Indian, Hispanic, Middle Eastern, Filipino, or anyone with dark skin. But I still find 'it was frowned upon' really ignorant.

Not sure if this fic takes place in Britain, because the history of Britain is NOTHING like America's, just so you know.

I don't know why dark skin should ever be frowned upon. Dark-skinned people age friggin' fantastic, and they don't even need sunscreen like we do.
4/20/2013 c3 flkjsalkjdf1010101
I'm liking the premise of Claude being obsessed with Alois. I can't to see what's gonna happen next. I mean seriously update soon!
3/31/2013 c3 Neo the Dual Keyblade Wielder
Nice chap. Alois you're right the game you play with Claude is sick. Thats sad though. What the frick happened to Luca!? Oh yeah Hannah happened. LOL! Oh! Could you revive Luca and let him and Hannah be in a chap in this fic? No. Okay, but please explain to ME what happened to Luca in this fic. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeaasssssseeee eee! Oh and update soon! I LOVE YOU, ALOIS AND CLAUDE! *Blows kiss at them both and another one for the Authoress...on the lips* Bye! See you next chap.
2/21/2013 c2 Neo the Dual Keyblade Wielder
I mean this. PLEASE UPDATE SOON I WANT TO READ MORE IT'S SO GOOD! Can we get this va va updated.
6/30/2012 c2 23Hilaire
I like the flashback; I think it gives more depth to Alois' character. I like how he and Ciel are cousins here, although them being simple family friends would have been okay, too. In any case, I like that they're getting along really well. Ever since I saw them in the anime, I thought he and Ciel could have been really good friends had they met under different circumstances, like this one.

I'm actually surprised that Alois has an entirely different background here. At least now he has a father and a mother, and possibly a brother (his Mom is pregnant; I'm guessing with Luca). I do kind of wish that you'd given more introspection on why Alois got upset that they would be moving. I understand that he doesn't want to lose a playmate in Ciel, but I felt you should have added more buildup there somewhere, because it somehow felt like nothing but a child throwing a tantrum to me.

I don't know if I missed it, but why does Alois have two names? He's Jim here, but he wants to be called Alois. Why? I'm guessing he doesn't like Jim (hell, I don't like Jim either; he doesn't look like a Jim to me, frankly), but then, I'd go back to my question and ask why it was necessary to still include Jim as his alternate name. Does it play a significant role in the story, or anything of the sort? Because otherwise I'd consider it pointless, even a bother to some extent.

I like the last part where Claude shows up. I took particular note of the phrase "being in the church with the boy woul be called cheating in the game they played". Cool. So obviously Claude CAN enter the church, but why is it called cheating? Was there some agreement between them that Claude shouldn't go entering churches or something? Or is Alois unaware that Claude has no problems stepping into the holy grounds?

And yeah, Claude is super freaky, but oh well. I'm fine with it because it's about time that he obssesses over Alois instead of the other way around.

I hope you get around to updating soon. I will definitely be reading. :)
6/30/2012 c1 Hilaire
So I found this while browsing through the archive, and I'm so glad I did. Your story of an Alois-obsessed Claude is very interesting, and like you've pointed out, is something that has never been done before. I'm of the strong opinion that demons like Claude are very possessive of the human beings that they consider to be theirs, so this story is a delight for me. Aside from the fact that I really believe Claude is the biggest tsundere ever.

I love the details that you put into the first chapter; I thought it was fitting that you started off with showing a desperate Alois running away from Claude. I love how you portrayed how tired he is, and yet how he still struggles to run as fast as his legs can take him; obviously being with Claude must be THAT terrifying. At this point I'm not sure what to make of that, but it's very intriguing. I wonder if perhaps Claude killed the ones Alois considers very dear to him. It's very likely.

Perhaps my only criticism right now is that some of your paragraphs are clumped together. I understand that you're new to writing fan fiction so I'm pointing it out: There are cases when you obviously need to start a new paragraph, but do not. For the first chapter in particular, where there's a lot of description, you do this a number of times, and this makes it a bit difficult to read.

There are also instances of typos and punctuation glitches, which I admit at times makes me halt my reading to understand what's going on. Some descriptions also sound redundant, and that's okay, but if you really want to say the same thing over and over, I'd suggest phrasing it differently each time, so it won't sound off.

There's something much more to this cat and mouse game, and I'm interested to see how it plays out. If anything, I'd recommend getting a beta-reader to give your work some feedback and check it for typos and stuff before you post it up for publishing. You already have a very interesting story here; it's the execution that I think you have to carefully work on. :)
6/29/2012 c2 Takk24
I love it, cant wait to read more of this story. Please post the next chapter soon.
6/26/2012 c2 13bbst
I really like this story. It's not often I see Claude obsessed with Alois. Btw, it's "Ciel", not "Ceil". :)
5/21/2012 c1 anbesol
update cuz this is a chilling story. i like it very much.
5/17/2012 c1 Takk24
I Loved it, Hope to see more chapters to this story soon.
5/17/2012 c1 flaming-thestral
Brilliant. I am looking forward to another update.
5/16/2012 c1 2PhoenixDumpling
Please update this! It is so amazing! I want you to expand on Alois's character in this story. And Claude's obsession with him would be so sexy!
5/15/2012 c1 s e r a f i n a
May I please start by saying that Alois is my favorite character. He is such a complex and artistically created character that I was so disappointed that the anime did not bother to truly expand upon him. I was honestly disappointed by the turn of events in the anime. No offense to those people who love Ciel, but I believe Ciel is not as interesting - not as psychologically entertaining (perhaps that was the wrong word haha?). I do still love Ciel, but Alois moreso. Now onto the review! I love the detail that is put into this story! I love the lush imagery. I enjoy how this story promises psychological turmoil, which I happen to love in stories. I am very interested in your take on an Alois-obsessed Claude. Since, he originally was Alois-obsessed in the series to the point where he fought against Hannah for Alois's attention (the final OVA). Please continue!
5/15/2012 c1 DonburiYumYum
Poor alois :[ ! Please continue! I love it soo much! I need to know why Alois is running from him! What happened between them? I actually love an Alois-obsessed Claude lol. Please continue :] I love the detail put into one chapter!
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