Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for The Gateway to the Soul

5/18/2012 c2 6Zodiac-Aries
Oooooh is that her motherly instinct turning to more...nonplatonic love? Either way i hope she ends up happy. Although the description you gave of whatever happened to naruto at six makes me wonder just what the fucks the villagers did. Although im rather pleased you stayed away from the whole always gettin beat crap. i know for sure he was just ignored in the manga, dont know where the beatings came from
5/18/2012 c4 3fearme80
You're awesome! you must have been the first author to have ever covered Naruto in just four chapters! and the lemon goes quite well with the story even though it was short.
5/18/2012 c1 6Zodiac-Aries
Nice chapter, filled us in on the situation and glanced over parts where people would tend to skip when not writing in Naruto's pov. I also like the small changes happening to Tsubaki, changing her from a nonbeliver to what she is now.
5/18/2012 c2 3fearme80
I get it now! I think you should change the summary a bit. I thought Tsubaki and Naruto were going to have mother and son relation from what I read in the summary. So you should change it a bit.
5/18/2012 c1 fearme80
Hmmmm...I never even thought you could actually write a story with two civilians the randomly show.Are they the same one's shown in the anime and what about the pairing?

I like how you made the description so predictable. To tell you the truth I wanted to kill the paragraphs that you described Naruto's house in To Really Know some One
5/18/2012 c4 9MegaDarkly
Dude... I've been reading this since it came out and I really enjoyed it. The character development was amazing. Lemon was perfectly placed so no harm there.

I am going to draw what she looks like so everyone can now have a reference. It's not everyday I draw something unless I am truly inspired and this one got me to draw.

Good job. *thumbs up*

Keep going. :D
5/18/2012 c4 6Naruto6023
Good chapter mate! And a well written comforting lemon...can't say an erotic one. Nevertheless a very well-written lemon in the sense of two beings comforting each other. The scene regarding Sakura was something fresh,so a great job on that. I' especially liked the way you've made Tsunade and Tsubaki friends, both of them becoming close to each other. Now for some positive criticism-

On a personal note, you could've made the 'Naruto on bench' scene much more emotional than that, and simply by using some dialogues in between those narrations. Ex-

"It's alright...Naruto-kun," Tsubaki whispered in a soothing voice as she carressed his cheek gently, her own set of tears cascading down her cheek. Not being able to hold himself back anymore, Naruto wrapped his arms around her frame as he began to sob uncontrollably on her shoulder- his tears flowing freely.

"Shh...i-it's okay...just l-let it out," she stuttered, closing her eyes as the brown haired medic rubbed his back in a comforting manner, her heart twisting at his painful cries.

"W-Why...why?" the blonde sobbed on her shoulder, his voice muffled due to his face being buried.

Tsubaki however just closed her eyes as she hugged him tighter, more tears escaping from the confines of her closed eye lids.

"T-That...f-fucking...p-pervert! How c-could he...?" his choked voice trailed, hiccups breaking through his anguished sobs as he clutched her form tightly, gritting his teeth in frustration, sadness, pain and a mixture of other emotions- the whiskered blonde now releasing the tornado of emotions inside him.

...something along these lines, as you can see, the little bit of stutterings, frustrations and some comforting dialogues add more realism and drama.You could do the same in lemons. Also, you could use his whiskers as another point of attraction for Tsubaki.

Anyway, love where the story is going, so keep it up! Hope my review helped you, even if a bit. So update soon and take care! Keep writing buddy! :D

N6023
5/18/2012 c4 5MysticTraveller
good chapter, not as good as the previous ones but good nonetheless, sakura scene was well written, i was afraid you were going to bash her too much for the sake of the story but you proved me wrong :) glad to see you have a reason for the quick lemon, looking forward to see what you have in store for us
5/18/2012 c4 sabery
how far you go with them marriage . tsubaki pregnancy . you make the pain attack on konoha
5/18/2012 c4 KokuenDG
This is one of the more heartfelt AUs that I have read in quite awhile. The way you chronicle Tsubaki's slow progression from icy indifference, to admiration, and to eventual feelings of love for Naruto makes it seem more realistic and heart-wrenching for the readers. And I'm actually surprised that this is your first lemon! It wasn't overly raunchy and conveyed the feelings of the two well. It was a good choice to make a lemon scene after Jiraiya's death since it was a point where Naruto's emotional barrier was down the most. All in all, I enjoyed reading this story and wonder what you're going to do about Hinata's confession in the Pein arc
5/18/2012 c4 20SSJ3 Kyuubi Gohan
i just have to say the scene with naruto on the bench was really moving and very emotional. very good job.
5/17/2012 c1 8MKTerra
Potential? This is fucking beautiful! Oh my god, I love it! Oh my god... I dont say this often either. This... Is a gem. The most original fic Ive likely seen in a year. And I know youll follow through with it too!
On a side note, how great is the Naruto wiki? I didnt even know most of these 15 second appearance characters were even officially named!
5/17/2012 c4 Aidis
Whoa, as I went to click the gigantic "Review This Chapter" button, my hand brushed the home button and I Was taken to the top of the page where I noticed you've been pumping this sucker out like it's your job! Four long chapters in half as many days? Good stuff! Especially because this fic is so good!

You write well and you've done something other than the same ol' same ol' and that really gets me excited! You'd be surprised at how many authors on this site can technically write very well but have the imagination of a brick wall, yet all the authors with good ideas can't write a properly formed sentence to save their life. Hell, most can't even use the spell checker with a small degree of competence!

Aaaaand that degraded into a rant exceedingly quickly, but my points are these: You update quickly (though I'll not hold it over your head if you don't keep up this extreme pace). You write well (in a technical sense). And you came up with and wrote something DIFFERENT!

So, sorry about this review, kinda random, cause I'm extremely tired right now, so I'ma go to bed, but I just wanted to thank you for writing this.

.

-Aidis
5/17/2012 c4 itachi23
yo i just saw this story today and it's one of the best stories i have read in FF. Caught my attention immediately. Can't wait for the next chapter.
5/17/2012 c4 7Dragonmaster TC
this is a pretty interesting story... I enjoy it and I hope you can get the next chapter up soon. You are going on my fave list :)
225 « Prev Page 1 .. 3 10 11 12 13 14 .. Last Next »

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service