for A Proposal4/11 c1 Kissmyass
Kill yourself, fat pig.
Kill yourself, fat pig.
3/29/2021 c1 kawaiihinahime
lol, my favorite part was that when naruto was just about to kneel down then it started raining
lol, my favorite part was that when naruto was just about to kneel down then it started raining
4/10/2017 c1 HinataHyuuga06
Whoohoo!
Whoohoo!
9/5/2016 c1 guest
Kill yourself, fatass virgin.
Kill yourself, fatass virgin.
6/30/2016 c1 guest
Sakura has no interest in Lee. Kill yourself, virgin fag.
Sakura has no interest in Lee. Kill yourself, virgin fag.
6/6/2016 c1 guest
Kill yourself, virgin fag.
Kill yourself, virgin fag.
6/16/2015 c1 Usa-chan
Really sweet and funny!
Really sweet and funny!
12/21/2014 c1 LucariosSteel
I loved it all except for the rain...
I loved it all except for the rain...
10/20/2014 c1 
9Dragon Man 180
Nicely done, I do feel sorry for Naruto, he put so much effort into this night and nothing seemed to go right. But Hinata still said yes!
9Dragon Man 180Nicely done, I do feel sorry for Naruto, he put so much effort into this night and nothing seemed to go right. But Hinata still said yes!
4/26/2013 c1 Luna Goddess of the Night
Hm, a bit of concrit. May I?
Your dialogue is fine. But when it comes to thoughts, just take out the single quotations. They're not needed. They're more of a distraction. As well as Kurama's voice, italicise it, and take out the quotations. The way he speaks is more through telepathy. In that case, the quotations are not needed.
And the pieces that say "flashback" and end flashback" are not needed as well. Instead, if you're leading up to a flashback, just say he's thinking back to when he was wounded, and then when he comes back to the present. Examples:
"He grinned, remembering how he had asked her out, drifting back to that day, so long ago."
And the end, just take out the flashback bit, and that could say that he returned back to reality.
As for the next morning bit, just say next morning. Example:
"The next morning, Tsunade had her arms crossed, staring at the three kunoichi and one shinobi in front of her."
And as for all caps, or capslock, it's not needed either. That tends to hurt the eyes. If you're doing shouting, just keep it at normal, font, and use words to describe it. Or, italicise it, if you're doing emphasis as well.
All in all, this was really cute. Shame that it all went to crap, yet she still accepted. That was cute. I'll have to take a look at your other stuff when I can.
-Luna, Constructive Criticism Guild
Hm, a bit of concrit. May I?
Your dialogue is fine. But when it comes to thoughts, just take out the single quotations. They're not needed. They're more of a distraction. As well as Kurama's voice, italicise it, and take out the quotations. The way he speaks is more through telepathy. In that case, the quotations are not needed.
And the pieces that say "flashback" and end flashback" are not needed as well. Instead, if you're leading up to a flashback, just say he's thinking back to when he was wounded, and then when he comes back to the present. Examples:
"He grinned, remembering how he had asked her out, drifting back to that day, so long ago."
And the end, just take out the flashback bit, and that could say that he returned back to reality.
As for the next morning bit, just say next morning. Example:
"The next morning, Tsunade had her arms crossed, staring at the three kunoichi and one shinobi in front of her."
And as for all caps, or capslock, it's not needed either. That tends to hurt the eyes. If you're doing shouting, just keep it at normal, font, and use words to describe it. Or, italicise it, if you're doing emphasis as well.
All in all, this was really cute. Shame that it all went to crap, yet she still accepted. That was cute. I'll have to take a look at your other stuff when I can.
-Luna, Constructive Criticism Guild