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for What is with Middle Earth

4/20/2015 c5 Guest
please! please! write more! please!
4/20/2015 c1 fae.sikorski
i like it so far but i have read some stories were the people in the alt world think thee main character or characters are someone they are not and they just go with it i hope you don't do that cause I'm not a fan of those stories.
but so far i like it! good luck!
4/5/2013 c5 3midnight84118
hope to read more
2/7/2013 c5 EGilly
This is really good! Update soon! :)
2/2/2013 c5 CissyDanger
Brilliant story and I hope you write more soon!
6/5/2012 c2 4littledragoneyes
Hi! How are you today? ;)

I know you might have gotten some of these reviews from other authors, but I just need to say it anyways.

I see that you have some grammar mistakes, but very few. Good job! I know some other authors don’t really like stories with grammar mistakes, so just be careful with you write your next chapter. Plus, “Rivendal” is actually spelled as “Rivendell”, so you might want to change that.

Second of all, your characters are interesting, but I found them to be a little too “perfect”. They’re also called Mary-Sues. For example, your main characters (I’ll call them MC from now on) are pretty much everyday schoolgirls like most. However, they come into Middle-Earth, and manage to know how to fight with a sword and bow and arrow. I’d advise you to be careful when creating characters. They’re quite unrealistic, and stories are all about making characters realistic.

One last thing is that your characters are a little too OOC. Especially with Legolas and Gandalf. Please, if you’re going to write a fanfic about them, at least make them act like themselves.

But you’re on the right path, so keep writing! If you have any questions, don’t be afraid to pmail me. I’d be happy to help your story become more well-written and popular.

littledragoneyes
6/5/2012 c4 18Nazgul67
Hey, writer! I'm trying not to lose it, but I just want to give you a few tips on your fanfic.

First off, this isn't a flame :) I'm not saying your story is bad, and I'm not saying I'm better than you, I actually think the opposite xD

Anyways, to start it, I think you have to fix your grammar mistakes :) It's not a big deal, but some people can't stand reading a fanfic with a few grammar mistakes.

I'm also afraid about the OOCness. Gandalf and Legolas especially. This is something you can work on. Just read other GOOD fanfics, or read the book itself. :)

Heck, anyways, whatever you do, DON'T pair your character with Legolas or Haldir! It's almost like teenager vampire/werewolf stories. You need your fanfic to be unique, not like the rest of them who just follows the crowd. Another piece of advice is, you have to be EXTREMELY careful with 10/11th walker fanfics.

Your characters are a little Mary Sue-ish. You don't see teenage girls waltzing out of school with bows and swords in their hands do you? Especially not nowadays. Even in the old times, girls were never the ones to fight. I think it would have been better if they were GIVEN and TAUGHT how to use a sword or bow. Of course, don't make them learn instantly, but let them mature and learn how to speak Elvish etc. gradually. Don't be lazy, and pace it up, or I don't think it'll work well..

I've seen HORRIBLE Mary-Sues where the girl goes out to Helm's Deep and saves Rohan, for example. That is a DON'T. Even Eowyn who was capable of killing the WITCH KING wasn't allowed to fight.

I know how many girls like writing about their own gender, but if you write about a girl - you HAVE to watch out for Mary-Sueness. My biggest advice is to listen to the other reviewers' advice, and don't be as indignant as everyone else, and go ahead and improve :) I know you're new here, but some people don't know that. So, if I were you, I would get a betareader/proof-reader etc. and ask someone for help :) I can't wait to see how this goes!

PS. Your story actually looks interesting xD If you fix up the mistakes I listed above, you have earned youself a faver and subscriber! :D
5/30/2012 c5 vrzsk
Still love it! :D that is one of my favorites stories right now! : )
5/29/2012 c4 8Cowgirlforever12
Thank you so much for the helpful tips. I am so glad you commented. I am sorry that I have made incorrect writing mistakes, i will help fix them soon. I love how nice you were about it, I was afraid I would get mean comments, but I loved how you wrote yours, thank you very much and I still hope you liked the story so far :)
5/29/2012 c4 5kookykitkats
Hiya! I'm Chammorita or you can call me Cham or Rita ;)

This review is NOT a flame. Okay? There's a LOT of people who get constructive criticism mixed up with flames. I usually give CC because I think someone has the potential of being awesome-er than they already are.

You have a lot of grammar errors, OOCness, bad naming things, and characters that are on a Mary-Sue high-alert in my head.

Your grammar problems deal a lot with misspellings (not a lot on this one), wrong comma use, and more.

OOC means out of character. Aka it means that characters isn't acting like themselves. To me Gandalf isn't sounding very Gandalf-like :/

The Elvish horses are named in Elven names since they are owned by Elves. The names you gave the horses are Greek if I'm correct. Elves don't speak like the Greeks therefore they don't name their horses after their Gods.

Mary-Sues are the most annoying things ever because they're pretty much flawless and perfect in every way. They're beautiful, kind, a great fighter, smart, have special powers, etc.

Ariona holds a lot of these qualities. In the first chapter you say that she's the smartest of her class and is SUPER talented with a bow. In the next chapter she has the special power to go and talk to horses. That one literally made my eye twitch. Legolas seems to take an immediate liking to her because she's BEAUTIFUL. Ariona's personality is pretty relatable but you have to loosen up on her special 'talents'.

Please contact me back through a PM because I really want to help you and perhaps be your Beta Reader :)

Chammorita of G.A.S.P.
5/29/2012 c3 8Cowgirlforever12
Thank you so much Every one! I love seeing your comments! 3 Thank you so much for replying. I have to give my laptop back next tuesday, so my goal is to get a chapter published every day until then, then I will have to use my old computer, a dell, a dinosaur. lol :) PM me if you have questions for the plot or relationships, or any adorable ideas, I would love to hear them! :D (Especually Haldir ones) ;)
5/29/2012 c4 kjgdiusgebjfebhjef
This is great! I love it! Yes send the others home it was a little confusing with all those OCs so yeah I can't get over how awesome this is! PM me!
5/28/2012 c4 1Glory Bee
I laughed out loud at this. "(I got it this time ;))" And so you did. :) Thanks for the change and I am really happy with your idea of sending some of the OCs home, then you can focus on Elizabeth and Ariona and their romances.
5/28/2012 c4 vrzsk
Love this chapter! I hope in the next one, there will be more Legolas :D
5/26/2012 c3 1Abi.TheBakersGirl
Lolololololololollolol! I nearly died of laughter! I LOVE THE HORSES!
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