FanFiction.Net
Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for The Time Traveler and the Queen

8/17/2017 c14 RinnaZevran1987
Love It.
4/23/2017 c5 Guest
Magical exhaustion is not a thing. Not canon, made up fanon. JKR wizards don't get tired from magic.
1/16/2017 c14 FabinaForever11
Awesome story!
10/25/2016 c6 Shit
What a fucking shit reason not to have him use magic. Next time have him break the fucking wand, farbetter than that shit you wrote about.
5/8/2016 c15 AstralGemini
loved it
4/10/2016 c12 3Marama Potter
GENIAL, J'adore !

I love it !
All what you're doing / writing / agencing things & stories together to produce one hell of a story to read and think up about months after !

I support you as a good writer. Thanks so much for your time doing all that and more !

You're inspiring me.

So good luck to you i wish... upon another star :D
3/29/2016 c14 3Quietlovingman
This ending was heavily foreshadowed, though you are extremely vague about the condition Harry will be in, will he go back without the healing, still with a Horcrux, his mgic wonky? What does "everything that happened to you beforehand will come back" mean?
3/29/2016 c13 Quietlovingman
Overall a good chapter, needs a little cleanup. Some of the dialogue has no way of telling who is speaking. I had to go back and reread a few lines because I wasn't sure who said them. If you choose to later continue with Voyage of the Dawn Treader, will Harry replace Eustace Scrubb? Of course without him, Jill Pole would never know about Narnia. So the Silver Chair would be rather different.
3/29/2016 c12 Quietlovingman
The large crossbows are called ballistas. Harry hasn't has any issues with his core in a while yet you haven't drawn any attention to this. Have you dropped the idea, was it fixed by Aslan after the raid, or is there something else in play prompting him to attempt magic he should be afraid will not work. Back in chapter ten you have Lucy playing with the gold patterns on her cordial bottle, those are called filigree and are not carvings but more like a tracery or cage around the bottle.
3/29/2016 c11 Quietlovingman
At this point, your gramer and word choice is much better. The foreshadowing of perhaps being able to revive the Potters was interesting. You have things set up to play out pretty much like in the movie at this point. Aslan to the rescue is of course a theme in all the books as only though him can any be saved and no one calls to him unless he first cals to them. The Jesus parallel is really clubbed over the heads of the audiance in the films. You should watch the old bbc films if you haven't. The differences between the original with Warwick Davis (prof Flitwick) playing Reepacheep and the newer one are very interesting.
3/29/2016 c10 Quietlovingman
This chapteer needs serious expansion. The long awated meeting between Harry and Aslan while good, needs some revision for gramer and sentance structure. Some parts also need further expansion and detail. The scene with the hag, the dwarf, and the werewolf also needs expansion. Without having read the original or seen the film, a reader would have absolutly no idea what happened.
3/29/2016 c9 Quietlovingman
It was short, and could be expanded quite a bit. Not a fn of the scene in the movie, but your chapter was well written, though the hero 'falling to his apparent death' is a terrible cliche especially when the readers know he has plot armor. At leasr fewer Narnians died in your version...
3/29/2016 c8 Quietlovingman
So far I like the story, but Susan being a non-entity and Peter ignoring Harry are causing some serious issues in my mind reguarding Harry's ability to affect the outcome. I would have as I said skipped the potions. The left behind angst seems a bit forced, and Harry calling he Lu seems odd when she seems to dislike being called that most of the time. If you edit this story I would roll your shorter chaapters into longer ones.
3/29/2016 c7 Quietlovingman
A little grammer smoothing needed, but not bad. Lucy and Harry confessing their love is good, though how old is she physically? Harry's first kill and the aftermath with hints of Aslan is good, the potions seem a bit out of character for Harry. The wiggenweld potion is strictly from the games... I myself prefer to stick to the books for the most part. Using black powder frag grenades would not be too difficult considering the dwarves tech level. They probably know of salt peter... Little hints of character development constantly interrupted by planning the raid are getting annoying for more than just the characters. Though a pivotal event in the film, it doesn't advance the story and does not read as well as it views. Not to mention it isn't in the original book at all. So a long buildup to it is counterproductive I think.
3/29/2016 c6 Quietlovingman
Susan and Lucy were uncomonly good with bows after minimal instruction so there is a precedant. I would completely rewrite your first paragraph. There is a tense issue, also it would be better ro show Lucy asking the question. Harry's variable core issue once again would be better introduced earlier initially I thought you were going for the Horcrux removal destabalized his magic angle. But now you are having him state (not show) he has had this problem for a while. The foreshadowed Gringotts trip (rather than St. Mungos) implies a fannon style magical core block. I really disliked the raid in the movie, and while the book is a bit less action packed it was a poor tactical move that an expierenced leader should have never proposed. From a cultural perspective there is little difference between Ed and Caspian killing Miraz, and as an usurper it is really the only way to deal with him. Ultimately he dies to treachery. And at this point Harry probably wishes he had let them kill Wormtail. So his advice seems a bit off.
218 « Prev Page 1 2 3 4 5 12 .. Last Next »

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service