for The Forgotten Memory8/11/2012 c11 Guest
Your summary is beginning to make more sense. The queen undoubtedly refers to her mother, the Baron is likely Praxis (how many barons are there after all?), the fallen city is probably Spargus, as it was destroyed in this warrior could be a number of people, but for some reason I have the feeling it will turn out to be Damas or Sig. Loved reading the chapter, even if Zara is dying. Just because she is dying doesn't mean she will die. It's just a lot more likely.
Your summary is beginning to make more sense. The queen undoubtedly refers to her mother, the Baron is likely Praxis (how many barons are there after all?), the fallen city is probably Spargus, as it was destroyed in this warrior could be a number of people, but for some reason I have the feeling it will turn out to be Damas or Sig. Loved reading the chapter, even if Zara is dying. Just because she is dying doesn't mean she will die. It's just a lot more likely.
8/11/2012 c11 
16daisy-chains-and-bow-ties
That was an interesting twist at the end, very interesting.
Great chapter, I look forward to part two.
16daisy-chains-and-bow-tiesThat was an interesting twist at the end, very interesting.
Great chapter, I look forward to part two.
8/5/2012 c10 Guest
Yeah I enjoyed this! A really well written and thought out story is becoming rarer nowadays, and this is one of a dying breed. Okay, an odd way to put it, but that's how it came out. *awkwardness* Well, at least we learned a little more about Neo's powers, and have a more direct point of time in compariosn to the games. Oh, yeah, I agree with Ashelin's thoughts on Erol. He is a sick %&*. Yes I had to do that.
Yeah I enjoyed this! A really well written and thought out story is becoming rarer nowadays, and this is one of a dying breed. Okay, an odd way to put it, but that's how it came out. *awkwardness* Well, at least we learned a little more about Neo's powers, and have a more direct point of time in compariosn to the games. Oh, yeah, I agree with Ashelin's thoughts on Erol. He is a sick %&*. Yes I had to do that.
7/30/2012 c9 Guest
This shows the difference between the Spargans and the Havenites. With the exception of the Underground members, Ashelin, and the Krimson Guard, no one actually fought the Metalheads when they attacked Haven. In Spargus, everyone fights. They all try to protect their city, even if it costs them their life.
I like the giant squid. It eats people. :) Really good chapter, even if I don't understand what exactly Zara was trying to do. Hm. Well, I'm pretty sure it will be explained later, probably by Neo or Damas. Thanks for updating.
This shows the difference between the Spargans and the Havenites. With the exception of the Underground members, Ashelin, and the Krimson Guard, no one actually fought the Metalheads when they attacked Haven. In Spargus, everyone fights. They all try to protect their city, even if it costs them their life.
I like the giant squid. It eats people. :) Really good chapter, even if I don't understand what exactly Zara was trying to do. Hm. Well, I'm pretty sure it will be explained later, probably by Neo or Damas. Thanks for updating.
7/22/2012 c8 Guest
Eh, seems I was wrong. I sorta got it from this chapter, but the note at the end helped. Thanks though; 'big fat buffer' is a really good way to describe Neo. He does seem rather strange though. I can't shake the feeling that he is important later, and you never did say he wasn't. Just that he has no motives. Well, keep updating, and I'll continue to review.
Eh, seems I was wrong. I sorta got it from this chapter, but the note at the end helped. Thanks though; 'big fat buffer' is a really good way to describe Neo. He does seem rather strange though. I can't shake the feeling that he is important later, and you never did say he wasn't. Just that he has no motives. Well, keep updating, and I'll continue to review.
7/14/2012 c7 Guest
This is a developing story, of that, there is no doubt. Since you updated, I'll tell you thoughts on Neo. Is he a... I dunno... curse of some sort? Not the right word, really. Um, inheritance would probably be better. Is he an inheritance of some sort through the descendants of Mar? If he is, then it lends credit to my thoughts of him being the dominant personality in Dark Jak. You know, all that dark eco and stuff, makes him violent. Then again, I could be rambling to myself and all of this is a dream. Please, continue to update. If this was a book, (and fully written/published) I wouldn't put it down. Granted, I would have finished it in about an hour, but I wouldn't put it down.
This is a developing story, of that, there is no doubt. Since you updated, I'll tell you thoughts on Neo. Is he a... I dunno... curse of some sort? Not the right word, really. Um, inheritance would probably be better. Is he an inheritance of some sort through the descendants of Mar? If he is, then it lends credit to my thoughts of him being the dominant personality in Dark Jak. You know, all that dark eco and stuff, makes him violent. Then again, I could be rambling to myself and all of this is a dream. Please, continue to update. If this was a book, (and fully written/published) I wouldn't put it down. Granted, I would have finished it in about an hour, but I wouldn't put it down.
7/10/2012 c6 Guest
this is good but please continue!
this is good but please continue!
7/10/2012 c6 Guest
I like this... its rather interesting. Sad, really, but also very good. Still, I have a bad feeling about Neo. I think he's going to appear later again, but not in a way that one would normally expect. *Shudders* If you continue to update, I'll let you know how I think he's going to reappear.
I like this... its rather interesting. Sad, really, but also very good. Still, I have a bad feeling about Neo. I think he's going to appear later again, but not in a way that one would normally expect. *Shudders* If you continue to update, I'll let you know how I think he's going to reappear.
7/8/2012 c6 16daisy-chains-and-bow-ties
Wow...this is amazing. Neo is such an electric personality, and I'm intrigued about the whole idea of him being inside her head. Is it like a curse passed on to the female children of Salina? Anyway, it's really interesting.
The descriptions, especially the one of the Kova, are brilliant. I like how you don't use the character's names all the time; sometimes reverting to 'the Havenite' or 'the father' - it's different, and good!
Sorry for my long rant but I'm kind of in awe...
Please continue to post the chapters
The Mutual Enemy
16daisy-chains-and-bow-tiesWow...this is amazing. Neo is such an electric personality, and I'm intrigued about the whole idea of him being inside her head. Is it like a curse passed on to the female children of Salina? Anyway, it's really interesting.
The descriptions, especially the one of the Kova, are brilliant. I like how you don't use the character's names all the time; sometimes reverting to 'the Havenite' or 'the father' - it's different, and good!
Sorry for my long rant but I'm kind of in awe...
Please continue to post the chapters
The Mutual Enemy
7/7/2012 c2 Guest
Thank you for saying when exactly this was taking place. :) My head was starting to hurt, 'cuz I thought I had it, and then something else happened and I lost it again. But it took you two years to write this? Two years to write six chapters, or two years to write all of the chapters? Anyway, good story so far. I'm signing off for now; can't pull another all-nighter.
Thank you for saying when exactly this was taking place. :) My head was starting to hurt, 'cuz I thought I had it, and then something else happened and I lost it again. But it took you two years to write this? Two years to write six chapters, or two years to write all of the chapters? Anyway, good story so far. I'm signing off for now; can't pull another all-nighter.
6/19/2012 c1 daisy-chains-and-bow-ties
I love this story, the characters are very believable and the dialogue is nice and flowing. I'm very interested to see what you'll do with this story so please keep writing!
I love this story, the characters are very believable and the dialogue is nice and flowing. I'm very interested to see what you'll do with this story so please keep writing!