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for I'm Lost

7/17/2013 c1 1k+reminiscent-afterthought
Small but emotionally loaded and dare I say cute? *well, too bad brain; I already said it*. It was a sweet read, and the description was balanced better in this one as well. The ending reminds me of Hei and Yin in Darker than Black's final episode (the first season). Sounds like a young Kari to mean, and the language you've used in the fic assists with that.

Be careful with your pronouns; you start with it and shift to she without showing that it was an unidentified figure to a distinctly female one.

Commas again. And fullstops. Your actions and words seem to disagree too; eyelids getting heavy and yelling don't really mix. Mumbling maybe? Same thing just without the exclamation mark. "omnipotent" and "turmoil" also sounded a little odd as the rest of it was expressed quite simply.

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