for The Betrayal12/22/2013 c1 Unknown
Pls.. UPDATE
Pls.. UPDATE
12/17/2013 c1 Guest
PLs upadte
PLs upadte
8/18/2013 c1 
8defiantlyneurotic
that bitch osakada better her lips off ryoma's cause that's sakuno's property and she better get used to it... great story
8defiantlyneuroticthat bitch osakada better her lips off ryoma's cause that's sakuno's property and she better get used to it... great story
7/10/2013 c1 Guest
how... sometimes i read these things accidentally but this is cruel!
how... sometimes i read these things accidentally but this is cruel!
8/24/2012 c1 Guest
this is more of a poem than story.
*sorry, I couldn't resist the temptation of writing that*
this is more of a poem than story.
*sorry, I couldn't resist the temptation of writing that*
6/20/2012 c1 7znk99fg7
Now that's cruel... dangling that in front of my nose and then calling it a one-shot. Oh yes, very cruel mate.
CONTINUE! xx
7znk99fg7Now that's cruel... dangling that in front of my nose and then calling it a one-shot. Oh yes, very cruel mate.
CONTINUE! xx
6/7/2012 c1 UNKNOWN
sorry im a ryosaku fan and if u make a next chapter ummm okay ryoma and sakunos bestfriend kiss and to the next chapter make sakuno a cold personality hehe. ARGHHHHHH THAT CRAZY BITCH aka:OSAKADA. dont worry sakuno-chi im ur new bestfriend dont trust the crazy bitch anymore and yeah OCHIBI I HATE YOU UR A JERK BETRAYING SAKUNO-CHAN LIKE THAT. AND U EVEN KISS THAT LOUD MOUTHED GIRL YUCK! AND IF U AND OSAKADA GET MARRY AND HAVE BABIES UR BABIES WILL BE NOT SO CUTE/HANDSOME/BEAUTIFUL TYPE. IF U ALWAYS SAY MADA MADA DANE THAT MADA MADA DANE THIS BUT FOR ME AND SAKUNO MADA MADA DANE MY ASS. U REALLY MAKE ME SICK ECHIZEN
NOTE TO AUTHOR:hehehe sorry for my harsh words. i m really angry of echizen and osakada and i hope u add more chapters or u dont. but the truth is dont add more chapters THIS IS ONLY A RYOSAKU AND U EVEN WROTE DOWN THERE OSAKADA AND ECHIZEN KISS. NO I DONT LOVETO READ MORE CHAPTERS
sorry im a ryosaku fan and if u make a next chapter ummm okay ryoma and sakunos bestfriend kiss and to the next chapter make sakuno a cold personality hehe. ARGHHHHHH THAT CRAZY BITCH aka:OSAKADA. dont worry sakuno-chi im ur new bestfriend dont trust the crazy bitch anymore and yeah OCHIBI I HATE YOU UR A JERK BETRAYING SAKUNO-CHAN LIKE THAT. AND U EVEN KISS THAT LOUD MOUTHED GIRL YUCK! AND IF U AND OSAKADA GET MARRY AND HAVE BABIES UR BABIES WILL BE NOT SO CUTE/HANDSOME/BEAUTIFUL TYPE. IF U ALWAYS SAY MADA MADA DANE THAT MADA MADA DANE THIS BUT FOR ME AND SAKUNO MADA MADA DANE MY ASS. U REALLY MAKE ME SICK ECHIZEN
NOTE TO AUTHOR:hehehe sorry for my harsh words. i m really angry of echizen and osakada and i hope u add more chapters or u dont. but the truth is dont add more chapters THIS IS ONLY A RYOSAKU AND U EVEN WROTE DOWN THERE OSAKADA AND ECHIZEN KISS. NO I DONT LOVETO READ MORE CHAPTERS
6/7/2012 c1 18fyerigurl
This could definitely use some work.
First, kill the all caps. Use italics instead.
Second, please use the world "and" as opposed to the symbol. It just makes everything look better and more professional. Your grammar also needs some work. Spell check, and make sure to capitalize your "I"s when you're referring to Sakuno in first person. Fix your punctuation.
I'm craving for more description. I love how you describe how she can't help but stare, but give me more power to that. Maybe that's how Sakuno wants to be kissed? It would be nice to have a sense of longing, of wistfulness. Maybe Ryoma never kissed her like that.
Somehow, I really, really like this. I love how it's really simple and yet there are a lot of emotions. So yeah, clean it up a bit. It was a great concept. Thanks for sharing.
18fyerigurlThis could definitely use some work.
First, kill the all caps. Use italics instead.
Second, please use the world "and" as opposed to the symbol. It just makes everything look better and more professional. Your grammar also needs some work. Spell check, and make sure to capitalize your "I"s when you're referring to Sakuno in first person. Fix your punctuation.
I'm craving for more description. I love how you describe how she can't help but stare, but give me more power to that. Maybe that's how Sakuno wants to be kissed? It would be nice to have a sense of longing, of wistfulness. Maybe Ryoma never kissed her like that.
Somehow, I really, really like this. I love how it's really simple and yet there are a lot of emotions. So yeah, clean it up a bit. It was a great concept. Thanks for sharing.