for Torture and Temptation7/14/2013 c5 
2DarkSideOfTheDay
I really love your story although it's rather sad at the moment. But why did you stop writing? Please continue!
2DarkSideOfTheDayI really love your story although it's rather sad at the moment. But why did you stop writing? Please continue!
10/9/2012 c5 1lostdestiny21
Aww this story is really getting good!. Really hate Mr. Cox, I hope he gets caught soon. But please update soon!
1lostdestiny21Aww this story is really getting good!. Really hate Mr. Cox, I hope he gets caught soon. But please update soon!
9/22/2012 c4 Guest
WOW... was NOT expecting that...
WOW... was NOT expecting that...
9/16/2012 c3 Miles per Prower
You definitely know how to draw us in. I want to commend you on your excellent descriptions. As per grammar, only one mistake came to light you said, "Tai enjoyed the fact he lived in a estate residential." This is more like French grammatical structure. It would be better to say "a residential estate." Apart from that superb.
As per story, no complaints at all. I was expecting and pleased Kari was accepting of gays. T.K was more from left field but it'll be interesting to see how views are reconciled.
You definitely know how to draw us in. I want to commend you on your excellent descriptions. As per grammar, only one mistake came to light you said, "Tai enjoyed the fact he lived in a estate residential." This is more like French grammatical structure. It would be better to say "a residential estate." Apart from that superb.
As per story, no complaints at all. I was expecting and pleased Kari was accepting of gays. T.K was more from left field but it'll be interesting to see how views are reconciled.
9/16/2012 c3 Takato the dreamer
Its hard imagining TK as a homophobe... especially when it comes to his brother. but that's why its your story XD
Its hard imagining TK as a homophobe... especially when it comes to his brother. but that's why its your story XD
9/8/2012 c2 Miles per Prower
Formerly: Guest
Once again a gripping narrative. Again I didn't see any glaring errors in grammar. I enjoyed how you conveyed the panic Matt was feeling while still retaining his aloof character.
One word of warning: This type of plot device is very common in yaoi, so you'll need to make sure to do something that will set you apart. I have every confidence that you will create an intriguing and versatile plot just be careful. Keep up the good work.
Formerly: Guest
Once again a gripping narrative. Again I didn't see any glaring errors in grammar. I enjoyed how you conveyed the panic Matt was feeling while still retaining his aloof character.
One word of warning: This type of plot device is very common in yaoi, so you'll need to make sure to do something that will set you apart. I have every confidence that you will create an intriguing and versatile plot just be careful. Keep up the good work.
7/5/2012 c1 19MrGooseyMoose
*As a thank you for reviewing one of my fics, I have come to give you a nice biiig review*
Dun dun duuuun!
Well, that was steeeeameh! xD Lol, it's always nice when ya get to jump straight into some mature content from the word go haha. I liked it. A good bit of fun. And very dramatic at the end haha. You've set up a great little beginning here. I think it would make a nice multi chapter fic personally. :D
Constructive criticism: be sure to show, not tell, wherever possible. For instance, you say that Matt hides behind a mask? Then have the character himself show us that through his various actions, and words. When the narrator tells us things like that...well, it doesn't sound right. (Hypocritical of me, I know, since I'm still getting to grips with this particular point lol.)
PS.
I just wanna comment on this whole spelling/grammar topic that people seem to be talking about. In my opinion, if you don't intend to take it seriously then that's entirely your own concern. People shouldn't over-react about it. Yeah, it /can/ be helpful if one wants to improve in certain aspects of their writing; but not everybody is here to get feedback in that particular area. And that's perfectly ok.
To each their own, right?
The only thing that confused me was that your said costructive criticism is welcome but spelling/grammar isn't. Surely the latter comes under the general title of constructive criticism? No?
Eeh...who cares haha. All in all this was a good opening. I'd quite happily read more of this. Keep up the good work! :)
19MrGooseyMoose*As a thank you for reviewing one of my fics, I have come to give you a nice biiig review*
Dun dun duuuun!
Well, that was steeeeameh! xD Lol, it's always nice when ya get to jump straight into some mature content from the word go haha. I liked it. A good bit of fun. And very dramatic at the end haha. You've set up a great little beginning here. I think it would make a nice multi chapter fic personally. :D
Constructive criticism: be sure to show, not tell, wherever possible. For instance, you say that Matt hides behind a mask? Then have the character himself show us that through his various actions, and words. When the narrator tells us things like that...well, it doesn't sound right. (Hypocritical of me, I know, since I'm still getting to grips with this particular point lol.)
PS.
I just wanna comment on this whole spelling/grammar topic that people seem to be talking about. In my opinion, if you don't intend to take it seriously then that's entirely your own concern. People shouldn't over-react about it. Yeah, it /can/ be helpful if one wants to improve in certain aspects of their writing; but not everybody is here to get feedback in that particular area. And that's perfectly ok.
To each their own, right?
The only thing that confused me was that your said costructive criticism is welcome but spelling/grammar isn't. Surely the latter comes under the general title of constructive criticism? No?
Eeh...who cares haha. All in all this was a good opening. I'd quite happily read more of this. Keep up the good work! :)
7/5/2012 c1 Guest
Very interesting. Continue you have the beginnings of a good narrative here. I look forward to seeing the next development. Also while I didn't notice any spelling or grammar mistakes I think you should take criticisms of that nature into consideration. They can really help improve your writing.
Miles per Prower
Very interesting. Continue you have the beginnings of a good narrative here. I look forward to seeing the next development. Also while I didn't notice any spelling or grammar mistakes I think you should take criticisms of that nature into consideration. They can really help improve your writing.
Miles per Prower
6/27/2012 c1 7bed of nails and sandpaper
OOOOh I love drama! update soon. I can't wait to see where this fic goes. :D
x
7bed of nails and sandpaperOOOOh I love drama! update soon. I can't wait to see where this fic goes. :D
x
6/19/2012 c1 Saphero
Ahh! Keep digging! That is to say...continue! Please :)
Ahh! Keep digging! That is to say...continue! Please :)
6/11/2012 c1 Krad
My granny is still alive so I say keep going ;)
My granny is still alive so I say keep going ;)
6/11/2012 c1 15Dark-Angel-XX
Uh-oh! :O Just when they were getting to the good stuff... BAM, passion killer :( I guess they should have tried to keep the noise down, or at least locked the door ;)
I know you mentioned that it wasn't a concern to you, but there were a few spelling/grammatical errors. Everyone makes them to be honest, and it's up to you if you want to correct them :)
You should look to continue this... It'll be interesting to see how Yamato's dad reacts, and why they were keeping their 'relationship' a secret.
Keep up with the good stuff :D
D-Angel
15Dark-Angel-XXUh-oh! :O Just when they were getting to the good stuff... BAM, passion killer :( I guess they should have tried to keep the noise down, or at least locked the door ;)
I know you mentioned that it wasn't a concern to you, but there were a few spelling/grammatical errors. Everyone makes them to be honest, and it's up to you if you want to correct them :)
You should look to continue this... It'll be interesting to see how Yamato's dad reacts, and why they were keeping their 'relationship' a secret.
Keep up with the good stuff :D
D-Angel
6/11/2012 c1 26Takato the dreamer
I really liked this story... until I read your disclaimer. I noticed no spelling or grammar errors, having said that, how do you expect to be a good writer If you don't have good spelling or grammar? I mean, I'm not the greatest at it, but when people point it out to me, I take it seriously and try and fix the situation. Saying you take flames but not grammar corrections? Thats just... yeah...
26Takato the dreamerI really liked this story... until I read your disclaimer. I noticed no spelling or grammar errors, having said that, how do you expect to be a good writer If you don't have good spelling or grammar? I mean, I'm not the greatest at it, but when people point it out to me, I take it seriously and try and fix the situation. Saying you take flames but not grammar corrections? Thats just... yeah...