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for HERMIONE'S LITTLE SECRET

4/12/2015 c1 13HeIsNotOneOfUs
Umm...

I like the Plot, but the writing is a little Confusing (Not that i'm one to talk, I such at spelling)
11/16/2013 c3 40SophieAngel69
Well that was surprisingly blunt. Sorry but I hate M-preg so I wont be reading on, it;s nothing against your story, just a personal thing. I hope none of my reviews have offended you, I have trouble knowing what will and wont offend people so I never know for certain but I'm fairly certain things I have said could cause offence. I do hope you continue writing and improve.
11/16/2013 c2 SophieAngel69
This story is really lacking in emotion. Im sorry but I don't think you are ready to write about such a serious topic as rape, it is not easy to get right and should not be attempted by an inexperienced author, maybe you should try again when you have more experience but if you attempt it now I find it very likely you will wind up offendin sexual assault victims and anyone who knows one. I do think that you should keep writing and with some practise and experience you could be quite good, but you should not attempt such a difficult subject so early on.
11/16/2013 c1 SophieAngel69
I strongly suggest a read through. This story is wriddled with mistakes and at one point everything randomely turns bold. The idea is not bad although things need to be better explained. For an amature story I have read much worse but there is still much room for improvement.
5/3/2013 c3 MochaButr
I like this story and want to see where it goes if you need a beta, I can do it message me! other than that keep going its a great story!
9/3/2012 c2 18Wesfanemt333
Have you considered using a beta reader? FFN offers them for free, last I knew. The formatting needs some work, and as the saying goes, 'The devil is in the details'. More emotion, and definitely spell and grammar check.

Writing is just like any other skill, you have to practice to get better at it. This story could be an entertaining read, but the bold and spelling issues make it more work than pleasure.

Wesfanemt
LU
9/2/2012 c1 8Dawn of Dusk
Hmm...

You seem to swap tenses quite a bit. It's a good idea to stick with either the present ("is") tense or the past ("was") tense. Swapping tenses mid story can make it confusing to the reader.

As for formatting, constant bold can be hard on some peoples' eyes. I'd suggest just sticking with regular text.

Names like Charlie and Voldemort are proper nouns, and thus should always be capitalized.

Always start a new paragraph when someone new speaks. If Hermione speaks, then Charlie, start a new paragraph for Charlie.

"Each other" is two words.

Also, try not to put your summary in all caps. It almost seems like you're yelling.

There's a lot more here, but I think I'll let my fellow LUers take care of that.

Best of luck to you and sorry if this seems a little snarky.

-Dawn of Dusk
Literate Union
8/25/2012 c1 Tallz Is De Langste Ster
First of all, the following should always be capitalised:

-The first letter of a sentence
-The first letter of a personal pronoun (names)

Remember that 'I' should always be capitalised, even if it is presented in a contraction (I'm, I'll, I've, etc.).

You should also check your work carefully to avoid making spelling errors. For example, the first word of your story is spelled wrong. This could reflect very badly on the rest of your work, so I advise you to check through and make appropriate corrections.

I'm not sure whether or not the excessive bold format is deliberate. Either way, it looks very clumsy, so I suggest rectifying it.

Have a nice day,

Tallz
Literate Union
6/29/2012 c10 8Gilmoregirls2018
Hope u feel better soon. Update soon when ur bettr x
6/27/2012 c9 3LuvSiriusBlack
Coninue(:
6/19/2012 c8 8Gilmoregirls2018
Great story so far update soon

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