for drop dead6/26/2013 c1 M.M. Mitchingson
Alright first I can say it was better than my first, but I personally wouldn't have chosen a darker theme for my first ficlet. The worst thing I noticed was the lack of punctuation. Just make sure that you stay away from those run-on sentences and use the enter button and tab to indent. Keep at it. w
Alright first I can say it was better than my first, but I personally wouldn't have chosen a darker theme for my first ficlet. The worst thing I noticed was the lack of punctuation. Just make sure that you stay away from those run-on sentences and use the enter button and tab to indent. Keep at it. w
6/21/2013 c1 
3NopeItsNotMe
Your story is quite good and I don't want to sound mean when I say thus but you really should space your story, as in put it in paragraphs; firstly it makes the story seem longer and secondly it helps people like me with dislexya or any other learning disability read it easier :)
3NopeItsNotMeYour story is quite good and I don't want to sound mean when I say thus but you really should space your story, as in put it in paragraphs; firstly it makes the story seem longer and secondly it helps people like me with dislexya or any other learning disability read it easier :)
2/10/2013 c1 GriffithsKing101
I mean no disrespect here, but you could do with a english book. I was a worse writer than you are(or were, depending how long ago you wrote this, or if you have improved since then) and even a simple english book improved my writing in vast leaps and bounds.
I mean no disrespect here, but you could do with a english book. I was a worse writer than you are(or were, depending how long ago you wrote this, or if you have improved since then) and even a simple english book improved my writing in vast leaps and bounds.
10/1/2012 c1 Guest
DAFUQ
DAFUQ
7/9/2012 c1 WolfWarrior
Ur story is awesome. Its sad i almost cried plz make more stories.
Ur story is awesome. Its sad i almost cried plz make more stories.