for Erika Gefallen : Atlantean Unicorn5/26/2014 c23 
5Lord Curly
Just want clarification, when you replace the story will the five rewritten chapters be kept as is or are you scraping the story altogether and use them as a reference for the beginning of the new story? I already get that everything past ch 5 is to be discarded.
5Lord CurlyJust want clarification, when you replace the story will the five rewritten chapters be kept as is or are you scraping the story altogether and use them as a reference for the beginning of the new story? I already get that everything past ch 5 is to be discarded.
11/4/2013 c22 Kaelas17
I wasn't sure how this was going to unfold, but I'm glad I decided to give it a shot. You've done a pretty good job with your world-building, given enough information about the Atlantean empire so we don't get lost without bogging down the story with tons of infodumps. Erika is pretty interesting, more so with the inclusion of Twilight's memories.
Thanks for writing.
I wasn't sure how this was going to unfold, but I'm glad I decided to give it a shot. You've done a pretty good job with your world-building, given enough information about the Atlantean empire so we don't get lost without bogging down the story with tons of infodumps. Erika is pretty interesting, more so with the inclusion of Twilight's memories.
Thanks for writing.
9/19/2013 c3 Jiopaba
I have to comment that I absolutely cannot understand why Twilight is reacting the way she is.
Or rather, it's one of the lines near the end that really screws it up for me. Her fellow soldiers were acting harshly towards the other ponies because of the harsh way they treated her... but they didn't 'treat' her at all. They had like five seconds to go "Twilight!" and then she started spewing vitriol and hate at this unknown species for having someone who looks like nobility with them. They didn't 'do' anything, except react with confusion to her being an utter bitch to them in a really mild way.
I have to comment that I absolutely cannot understand why Twilight is reacting the way she is.
Or rather, it's one of the lines near the end that really screws it up for me. Her fellow soldiers were acting harshly towards the other ponies because of the harsh way they treated her... but they didn't 'treat' her at all. They had like five seconds to go "Twilight!" and then she started spewing vitriol and hate at this unknown species for having someone who looks like nobility with them. They didn't 'do' anything, except react with confusion to her being an utter bitch to them in a really mild way.
6/5/2013 c8 TheArchive
One thing I forgot to mention in my last review but just remembered. Something I've noticed in this story which has gotten slightly annoying is how the ponies will be thinking about something very important, and then never actually bring it up. This happens everytime one of them thinks about how Twilight had only been gone 45 days or so, or what caused her to disappear. I'm sorry, but why did they not feel the need to bring that up when she accused them of abandoning her for over 40 years? If not then, why not any point after that?
Basically, it seems a lot of their problems could be solved if they actually said something, instead of just ignoring it. In all honesty it's getting annoying seeing them act like idiots whenever the chance to explain something gets ignored by them.
One thing I forgot to mention in my last review but just remembered. Something I've noticed in this story which has gotten slightly annoying is how the ponies will be thinking about something very important, and then never actually bring it up. This happens everytime one of them thinks about how Twilight had only been gone 45 days or so, or what caused her to disappear. I'm sorry, but why did they not feel the need to bring that up when she accused them of abandoning her for over 40 years? If not then, why not any point after that?
Basically, it seems a lot of their problems could be solved if they actually said something, instead of just ignoring it. In all honesty it's getting annoying seeing them act like idiots whenever the chance to explain something gets ignored by them.
6/5/2013 c6 TheArchive
As much as I like this, several things don't make much sense.
Why is Twilight acting like that to nobles, especially royalty? It doesn't make sense considering that not only is she part of a royal family (with her father being the ruler), but she should no from her experience with him that not all nobles are horrible monsters. Which brings me to my next problem.
Why does Twilight think Celestia is a horrible monster and the others are her slaves? In fact, why was she surprised to learn that she was a princess? Every single time the others referred to Celestia, they referred to her as Princess Celestia. She should have known Celestia was a princess within 5 minutes of meeting them with how often it was brought up. Not only that, but nothing they did indicated them as slaves. Nor did anything seem to show that they thought badly of Celestia.
In other words, as much as I like this story so far, nothing Twilight does makes any sense.
As much as I like this, several things don't make much sense.
Why is Twilight acting like that to nobles, especially royalty? It doesn't make sense considering that not only is she part of a royal family (with her father being the ruler), but she should no from her experience with him that not all nobles are horrible monsters. Which brings me to my next problem.
Why does Twilight think Celestia is a horrible monster and the others are her slaves? In fact, why was she surprised to learn that she was a princess? Every single time the others referred to Celestia, they referred to her as Princess Celestia. She should have known Celestia was a princess within 5 minutes of meeting them with how often it was brought up. Not only that, but nothing they did indicated them as slaves. Nor did anything seem to show that they thought badly of Celestia.
In other words, as much as I like this story so far, nothing Twilight does makes any sense.
1/14/2013 c19 5The Midniyt Stalker
This story is on fimfiction?! Yay! Anyway this chapter was in danger if becoming too sappy for me. And discord an Astral Lord? Makes total since.
5The Midniyt StalkerThis story is on fimfiction?! Yay! Anyway this chapter was in danger if becoming too sappy for me. And discord an Astral Lord? Makes total since.
1/12/2013 c18 The Midniyt Stalker
Lazy on the part on your editor. But I'm glad to see this isn't dead... And not I wonder if it really was a dream or mind manipulation?
Lazy on the part on your editor. But I'm glad to see this isn't dead... And not I wonder if it really was a dream or mind manipulation?
1/12/2013 c1 4Appledash99
Awww... This story is so cute so far! And interesting! I will make sure to continue reading and reviewing.
4Appledash99Awww... This story is so cute so far! And interesting! I will make sure to continue reading and reviewing.