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10/8/2018 c5 3WhiteElfElder
Enjoyed the flow of the story, but like you I was unhappy with the reveal of Zenku and Phoenix.
2/18/2016 c4 DarkDust27
Shepard/Adhara/Joker? Hmmm I like it sounds interesting! ;3
7/31/2014 c1 G. S. tol Kriaal
By far the biggest problem here is that you don't make a new paragraph when the speaker changes; this makes it very hard to figure out who's talking sometimes, and makes the story less enjoyable overall. I do like this story, though, and will probably follow it (unless the writing quality takes a drastic downward turn in the next four chapters). Probably won't review much, though; I don't like leaving reviews when I don't have more to say than "I like this".
7/12/2014 c1 fellow
Awesome concept.
7/6/2014 c2 Hachichiyyin
...start a new paragraph each time you write a line of dialogue.

It makes it easier for the readers.
7/6/2014 c1 Hachichiyyin
The idea is good, the execution less so.

You gave too much info in the first chapter, it gets confusing.

Apart from the infodump, there aren't many problems with your technical writing, except some random capitalizations. Oh and try to
6/29/2014 c5 paladin3030
Well good luck we'll be waiting.
6/14/2014 c4 whrr.trudy
and then what happened :)
7/18/2013 c4 1Katsuhito
This is starting to get very interesting, if a little confusing at times. Luckily, that confusion is usually remedied by either the author's notes, or the next chapter. I like your interpretation of the Deathly Hallows - that's a new one. :)

As for pairing, IF you decide to include one, I'd keep it in the background of the story - IMHO, it would detract/distract from the intriguing tale you're creating.

I look forward to the next chapter.
4/28/2013 c3 danbear
write more
12/3/2012 c3 god of all
Great chapter and story so far please continue this story soon
12/3/2012 c3 2Brogatar
Chuckles Her son is Mal?
12/3/2012 c1 33realjoehundredaire
You need to Stop capitalizing Random words in your Sentences. Indoctrinated would not be capitalized. Human as a common noun is not capitalized. Mass Effect species are not capitalized as common nouns; Liara is an asari from the Asari Republics. Javik is a prothean from the Prothean Empire, et cetera and so on. You start a new paragraph whenever someone new starts speaking. It's considered good form to start a new paragraph when you switch between the actions/speech of the perspective character and any other, but I'd settle for you starting with breaking the speech apart. An ellipsis is three periods - no more, no less - together without spaces and the word that follows should not be capitalized unless it is a proper noun.

As for your story? Dunno. I got tired of cringing at your poor writing skills a few paragraphs in. Clean it up, let me know when you have, and maybe I'll give you something of use on substance. Because when it comes to writing? Style actually is more important than substance. It doesn't matter how good your idea is if you serve it up in shitty writing.
11/30/2012 c1 FunnyGinger08
My guess on who Hera married is Theodore Nott or Draco Malfoy. I'm leaning towards Nott. Just read first chapter, so hopefully you didnt already admit the answer.
11/25/2012 c2 god of all
Great chapter and story so far please continue this story soon
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