for Who is She?7/16/2012 c1 
10I'm Heartless Babe
Well, I am not too fimiliar with this anime, but I will read it as you asked.
And so far it is good. Both chapters. Keep going I will continue to read it.
10I'm Heartless BabeWell, I am not too fimiliar with this anime, but I will read it as you asked.
And so far it is good. Both chapters. Keep going I will continue to read it.
7/14/2012 c1 1diggerdug
MyraBrown: I'm new at this (this site as well as critiqueing) but since you are sharing your firstborn and so anxious for feedback, here's my 2 cents worth.
The storyline piqued my interest. Character description is good, and I'm interested in her motivation (personally I anticipated a language barrier).
Two areas involving grammar detract from the story and hamper readability: missing words (4th para. "I saw that girl at and...", then towards the end, "like she was pleading with to stay with her.") Also check your use of "then" when "than" would be appropriate at times. On a personal note, I feel I am missing something, like this is chapter 2. I don't know where the setting is (a college?, a school for mutants?) and I'm unfamiliar with the "Black Order", however, this could be a continuing saga. And why did Allen get a mound of food but "not for me" and then never explained.
It's a good start. I'll follow and see where it leads.
diggerdug
1diggerdugMyraBrown: I'm new at this (this site as well as critiqueing) but since you are sharing your firstborn and so anxious for feedback, here's my 2 cents worth.
The storyline piqued my interest. Character description is good, and I'm interested in her motivation (personally I anticipated a language barrier).
Two areas involving grammar detract from the story and hamper readability: missing words (4th para. "I saw that girl at and...", then towards the end, "like she was pleading with to stay with her.") Also check your use of "then" when "than" would be appropriate at times. On a personal note, I feel I am missing something, like this is chapter 2. I don't know where the setting is (a college?, a school for mutants?) and I'm unfamiliar with the "Black Order", however, this could be a continuing saga. And why did Allen get a mound of food but "not for me" and then never explained.
It's a good start. I'll follow and see where it leads.
diggerdug