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11/15/2012 c2 1Skirt2819
This is really good. The characters are believable (or at least, as believable as someone can be after being brainwashed into following a religion based on a completely skewed perception of justice.)
10/21/2012 c2 8LuckyRosepetal
Hmm, I think this is a really interesting idea! u It's kind of weird to see how much they've twisted what actually happened. I mean, they consider Higuchi a saint! Haha, but I really want to see where you go with this
7/20/2012 c2 239The Carnivorous Muffin
Still nice idea, watching where it's going, seems to be doing fine. You fixed the paragraph breaks which will draw more readers in. I highly recommend fixing that in the first chapter in order to draw more readers in, more people will read if they can discern what is in what paragraph. Also Ryuk is very difficult to characterize, perhaps moreso than Light. Whenever I try to write anything with Ryuk I end up banging my head against a wall in agony because I have no idea what he'd do. He's the wild card, sometimes he's like Matsuda but other times he is very much a God of Death. I doubt Ryuk would be this honest or play along with Light's whims this easily still this is something you can reveal as you go along. As you only have two chapters so far all the things I've mentioned can be changed or alterred with character development and the revealing of motive.

Also I doubt you've offended anyone if they're that easily offended they shouldn't be reading Death Note fanfiction. It also doesn't matter how long your chapters are, sometimes the greatest pieces of work are fragmented, short, and absolutely maddening.
7/20/2012 c1 The Carnivorous Muffin
Alright first I'll say nice idea in fact very nice idea. However as this is a review I'm going to offer you a bit of constructive critcism. Add paragraph breaks between your lines, it's very difficult to read and kind of gives me a head ache. Also Light almost seems too honest even for a Light who is truly remorseful of the world he has created. Light is a character with a great amount of depth and writing him is often a challenge. Light just doesn't strike me as the 'atone for my greivous sins' type even when he is doing just that. Still, this is a great start and it's nice to see someone writing an interesting story.

Also you don't need to apologize in advance for offending people's religions (some people can be so touchy) because the fact remains that even in cannon Light already was garnering a religion behind him.
7/20/2012 c2 Guest
(I actually just read this yesterday( today? ;) ), but was to tired to review. If your out there before I repost anything the first chapter was so good! The plot so far seems so belivable dispite its fantasticness! and with an interesting but not unrealistically prefect or noticeably diffrent (?) character I really can't wait to read more (I'll actually read the second chapter now; I just wanted to say that this story ( and it's summary ) seem amazing and that you have aleast one fan at present. Thankyou for writing it!) roisin x

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